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How do I give 13 year old step daughther the sex talk?

My stepd has lived with us for 1 yr and I feel its about time for the sex talk. Her mother is gone and they write letters and in one letter I read she told her mom that her friend was making out with a boy, but she didn't do anything! I am not stupid if her friends are doing it so is she. I have a 9 yr old girl and 7 yr old son also so for them it is not time and I am stumped and nervous!!!!

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Deelopez

Asked by Deelopez at 2:02 PM on Aug. 11, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Level 2 (8 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • First ask her what she knows about sex. Then fell in the blanks. Being 13 she probably already knows a lot about sex.
    And 9 is not to young for the sex talk. JMO.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 2:07 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • If she's 13, she's already had it from her friends at school. I'd ask her what she knows and what questions she has. There is a way for a parent to talk about romantic relationships, sex, and reproduction with a child of any age. Assuming she already knows the basics of reproduction you'll probably be focusing more on the sex & relationships end of it.
    UpSheRises

    Answer by UpSheRises at 2:11 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • Buy the book EVERY YOUNG WOMAN'S BATTLE by Shannon Etheridge and Steven Arterburn. Then you and she read it together. You can read a few pages every night before bed. It is such a very helpful book to help with this subject. There is a younger version, too, I think, but I've taught this book to 13-year olds, so I think it will be fine. It covers the whole topic very, very well.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 2:12 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • Umm....actually no, if her friends are doing it it does not mean she is. I had friends having sex at 15 and I waited until I was 21. Have you asked her father about this and gotten his opinion and input, he's his daughter after all.
    Octobersmom

    Answer by Octobersmom at 2:14 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • She is already way old enough and you other two are old enough as well. Get dad involved. Ask them what they know and then add in info from there. Answer all questions.
    BradenIsMySon

    Answer by BradenIsMySon at 2:17 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • Asking her what she knows about sex is a good way to start, the problem is she is very shy with me and I think she will just say "I don't know" the famous teenagers answer to everything. But I will go about it that way.
    Getting her dad involved is difficult because he is old fashion in that he doesn't feel comfortable talking about any of the girls stuff..pretty much this is up to me. I know and accept this because she will probably have a better response to me talking to her. I guess I am just working up my courage to do what I need to do. My parents never talked to me about sex or starting my period or anything so I personally have nothing to compare it to.
    Deelopez

    Comment by Deelopez (original poster) at 2:32 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • I think you need to look at it not as one sex talk but as many talks about sex and relationships, etc. Sure, the first time you talk about things she might be shy but if you talk more then her shyness will hopefully subside some. And you can ease her into it by asking what her "friends" may be doing, saying, thinking, etc, then asking if she agrees with what they did or said, etc, so it is more an open chat. I think there are two aspects to cover. First of course is the physical element of sex, and how to protect from pregnancy and STD's and also to dispell all those claims like you can't get pregnant on your period, or the first time, or if you jump up and down after. Also I think there is the emotional aspect of how she deserves to be treated, how a boy who loves you will not pressure you, how special pregnancy is and that it can not be taken lightly, etc. It is something you will have to cover a lot in the next few years.
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 3:23 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • First, you need to ask her what she already knows. She should have had atleast 2 yrs of sex ed already and may know more than you think. Just tell her that you are there for her and will answer any questions she has with an open mind and will not lecture or freak out. I would also start the talk with the other 2. It is never to early to have those talks. It is not a one time talk, it is an ongoing conversation that gets more detailed as the child matures and grows.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 10:31 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • I wouldn't assume if her friends are doing it, she is. I would bring up the subject if you really feel its necessary with a direct approach.
    bugsandpirates

    Answer by bugsandpirates at 11:04 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • These ladies got you pretty good... But I wanted to stress that MANY teens are already sexually active by 13, I know I sure was! And this should have been done a long time ago! You need to make sure you know exactly where you stand on different issues, how you feel about things and exactly what you want her to know. I actually just wrote a blog on this - although it wasn't focused on this exact issue - maybe it can give you some points to think on and help... It's a Pagan Blog, but when it comes to this subject the majority is universal...

    http://witchywonderland.blogspot.com/2010/08/sexuality-and-paganism-part-3-sex.html
    SabrinaMBowen

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 10:21 AM on Aug. 12, 2010

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