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2 Bumps

3 year old over night visitation with grandmother who has a new live in boyfriend adult content

I have custody of my three year old granddaughter. Her other grandmother lives 2200 miles away and wants overnight visitation. Which I agree with. But the other grandmother has a new boyfriend who lives with her and is just a little more than half her age.
I do not feel that it is healthy for my three year old granddaughter to be in a house with the new live in. The other grandmother has a history of going through a series of live ins.
I hoped that she would ask him to leave while her granddaughter visits. She has not.
It is a horrible role model to be setting for a young girl. I want her to learn the value of long term stable relationships.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:28 PM on Aug. 11, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • My first thought was the same as MommaTasha's which I know is horrible but you just have to be careful, once a child is abused you can't undo it. That being said, I know it is common in custody arrangements for there to be rules about no overnight, unmarried guests when the kids are there. It sounds like your only option is to let the other grandmother know that you feel she shouldn't have a man sleeping in the home who is not her husband while she has the granddaughter in her care and then you just have to stand behind it. Or offer to have her visit you and see granddaughter that way. It's a fine line between being protective and over-protective but sometimes you just have to do what you think is right.
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 2:52 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • If you live 2200 miles from the other grandma, isn't it pretty unlikely that your granddaughter is going to be aware of the rate at which grandma goes through boyfriends? As long as they aren't behaving inappropriately in front of her, I don't think it is a big deal.
    riotgrrl

    Answer by riotgrrl at 2:36 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • I can see and understand where you are coming from but if you are the one and only person that makes the finally decision if your granddaughter can go and stay there for a visit then maybe you should meet this live boyfriend and then make you finally decision. I would also voice how you feel about the whole situation. Also explain to the other grandmother what you want for your granddaughter. Child sock up every single thing they see and seeing grandma with a new boyfriend every time she sees her is not the best thing. I see what is best for granddaughter in mind which is wonderful.  

    raemommy

    Answer by raemommy at 2:39 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • I would try to prevent her going there. I don't know what your legal options are, but I would certainly try to fight it.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 2:34 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • The child isn't going to suddenly go through man after man because on Grandmother does. What that child learns is based on what YOU teach her as her gaurdian. I would be more concerned that I don't know the guy. Not that he's half her age, a new live-in, or any of that. It's the fact that I don't know him, therefore I don't trust him. That's why I wouldn't let her go.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 2:37 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • The running through boyfriends does not bother me so much...
    The new guy does... Im sorry you just cannot trust people. PERIOD.. So i would not want my (grand)child around them if my family did not know them and if grandma hasnt found one that is good enough to stick around then obviously she isnt picking them well -- raising the chance of them not being OK to be around my (grand)child..
    MommaTasha1003

    Answer by MommaTasha1003 at 2:45 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • Are you worrying about hurting the little girl's morals by seeing 2 people live together? Or are you worried about having a strange man sleeping under the same roof as a little girl? I don't care about the morals part of it. But I wouldn't want her getting hurt by this man that you know nothing about.
    mompam

    Answer by mompam at 4:27 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • I really see no reason to be concerned.I think it's great that grandma has got a boyfriend.
    bvannkissy

    Answer by bvannkissy at 4:45 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • Does she see you with a mate? If so, she'll think it's normal for the other grandmother to have a mate as well. Age means nothing to little ones. However, I am a grandmother and I don't trust any non-relative males with small children. It's just something that my mother instilled in me. I'd have her live in investigated. You can do it online for free. Make sure he's not a pedophile. If you are taking her 2,200 miles to visit then I'd tell her I'm going to stay with the child overnight (with the other grandmother).

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:03 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • I know when my dh had guardianship of his sister he had the final say in all visitation. And according to cps, he had the right to say no or stop any visits. Not sure if this is how it is is in your situation. But if your only reservation about this situation is that your 3 yo dd may see her other grandmother with many different men. I imagine she won't see her enough for it to matter, and she will learn most life lessons from you, as her guardian. Like the others have said, I would do a check on the boyfriend (you can do it online). That would be my biggest concern, if he were a pedophile.
    Austinsmom35

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 2:47 PM on Aug. 12, 2010