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2 Bumps

Tactful way of telling my SIL her daughter is a terror...

I have a 6yo son and a 3yo niece. Every time my son goes to his grandparents house, my niece bites my son. She terrorizes him and I hear it whenever I am on the phone with him. I don't hear about my SIL doing anything about it. It has come to the point that my son dreads going there. I don't know how to bring it up to my SIL. She takes things very personally and I don't want her to be mad. I just have to take care of my son. He comes first and foremost. I don't think my husband would talk to her for me. How do I bring it up that she needs to discipline her daughter, or my son will not go over there alone anymore. I would like to be as nice as possible.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:40 PM on Aug. 11, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • There is probably no way that you can word it so that she won't get mad about it. The truth hurts, no matter how kind we are when we state it. I would just tell her and be as kind about it as I could be. It sometimes helps me if I will sit down and write what I want to say. That way, you can really think about the words and how they may sound to her. She is not going to like hearing that everyone does not love being in the presence of her child, but that is the truth so that is what she needs to be told.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 2:50 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • You won't be able to say anything and NOT hurt her feelings...But you will have to just tell her as kindly as you can...If you don't shit is going to hit the fan, you will say things you will regret and cannot take back.. maybe even just E-mail her and tell her. You could even take the girl aside and tell her she needs to cut her crap (well nicer then that) and let her tell her mom..mom comes to you and there you go the door is open for you to say something
    wheresthewayout

    Answer by wheresthewayout at 3:04 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • I would just calmly tell her your concerns. Tell her that you love them and want everything to be ok between you, but there are some things that need to change.
    KamiB79

    Answer by KamiB79 at 3:21 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • Can you correct the daughter in front of her, in a way that will bring attention to it without seeming like you've thought it out ahead of time? When another child hits or bites my child I make it a point to correct them right then by saying something like "No, no, it hurts ____ when you bite her. Please do not do that again." I say it nicely, but loud enough to get the attention of the other parent. Sometimes they don't notice their child is doing it until an adult points it out, or feel the need to discipline until someone else mentions it. Good luck.
    LittleWeloosMom

    Answer by LittleWeloosMom at 4:17 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • Tell her what is happening.So what if she gets mad.Like you said,your son comes first & foremost.If it continues, don't take him over there anymore.Have her come to your place.
    bvannkissy

    Answer by bvannkissy at 4:37 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

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