Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

3 Bumps

my son laughs at me when i try to punish him.

i used to spank my son a lot, every time he was bad. but i realized that's not the best form of punishment so i rarely spank him now. i put him in time outs. but now every time i raise my voice, yell, or put him in a time out he thinks its a joke and he laughs, even though my face is completely serious. what should i do?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:14 PM on Aug. 11, 2010 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Answers (13)
  • It is bravado on his part- an act since he must have realized he got a reaction from you when he did it. When he does that, calmly double his punishment or eliminate a treat, because he is being disrespectful and has committed another infraction by doing that on top of the original problem. Be carefully neutral, he should not see you roll your eyes, frown, sigh, anything. Keep your voice and face impassive. I tried to never put my children in a position where doing something not allowed was the better choice. so if he doesn't make his bed, for example, decide if that is worth causing a fuss over. Choose your battles.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 3:18 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • Hmmmm. The answer to this seems so very obvious to me that I really hate to point it out. So let me just ask you, do you want to raise a brat or do you want to raise a well-behaved, respectful obedient child? If you want a brat, then you should keep on doing what you are doing now. If you want the other kind of child, I think I would go back to what works.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 3:19 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • I think the loude
    gertie41

    Answer by gertie41 at 3:22 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • It really means he's not afraid of the punishment or he doesn't think you're serious about the punishment. My kids were like that till I found a punishment that worked. I never spanked my kids because I don't think it helps the situation.
    CafeMochaMom1

    Answer by CafeMochaMom1 at 3:23 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • OOOPS. Anyway, the louder you yell, the funnier you look to your kids. In a quiet but stern vice you tell kids what you want from them, what kind of behavior you expect and then you quietly take them to their room for a quiet time out.
    gertie41

    Answer by gertie41 at 3:23 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • welcome to my world! try having two of them doing it
    r00j04j08

    Answer by r00j04j08 at 3:27 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • Do you want your kid to fear you or respect you? Punishing a child isn't a given. Especially at that age. They are learning boundaries and right from wrong, not trying to be mean or be disobedient. Clear guidlines, open communication, and A LOT of patience will get you much further. Remain calm when talking with him, keep your voice low and slow, talk to him about what he did and why he did it and ask him what he could do differently next time. If you feel he needs a time out, do one with him. Both sit down and deep breathe together. Make sure to include him in activities of daily living, helping with making food, helping with chores, helping with picking out clothes and with other siblings. The more involved with the family he is the less trouble he'll get into.
    Cassarah

    Answer by Cassarah at 3:27 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • I think he is old enough that you can use more creative punishment than time out, like taking away a privilege. I worked with a lady who threatened her kids with 15 minutes early to bed when they were being naughty and for them that was the worst thing in the world. Or taking a few minutes off tv time, or saying no dessert, etc might work, too. Or you could state that when given a time out and he doesn't obey he will then lose a privilege- I think the trick is finding the right currency. What will he miss and what will get his attention? It's all funny to sit in the corner in time out until you realize Mom just took your remote control car and locked it in a cupboard, right? Sometimes you just have to outsmart them.
    And I don't think going back to spanking is the answer at all, just for the record.
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 3:29 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • I totally agree with Cassarah. Don't Spank. You even said it got you nowhere. How about someone spanking YOU! That is NOT right. Talk to the poor little guy. Explain things to him. Let him participate and feel like he is part of a team. Instead of getting hysterical, be calm & talk to him. He is practically a baby still. I have a 3 1/2 year old and I am speaking from experience. They learn from example. You hit, they hit. You remain calm, they learn to be calm. I yell loud only when my DS is attempting something wrong or dangerous. So when I yell, HE LISTENS. If you yell and spank regularly, it means nothing to them & just becomes a regular thing that they ignore. My parents never hit us and I won't hit my little guy either. Please don't spank.

    ILovemyPaulie

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 3:36 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • bump
    SwtSnowflake2

    Answer by SwtSnowflake2 at 3:46 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.