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Complicated, what should I do, how should I feel? adult content

I've done lots of things with ex-boyfriends that I can't seem to do with my DH of 7 years (and father of my children). This bothers me because although I am sexually attracted to him and statisfied by him (orgasm), I have not been able to consider doing these things which I willingly enjoyed with men before him. I have not confessed things, but they include oral, anal, certain talk, etc. Things just never got to this level with him before my first pregnancy and now, with all that has transpired, it just doesn't seem possible to open up. He really doesn't know about these things and I an feeling guilty because I feel that I have given more away more intimacy to other than my own DH. DH wants these things, but assumes I haven't done them and doesn't pressure me. Anyway, not sure why I don't desire these things with him, but feel guilty for giving these things to guys that don't even come close to my DH.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:40 PM on Aug. 11, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • Why? I love the thrill of pleasing my man! In every way possible! Maybe your not that connected you you dh as u should be! Does he please u the way you want to be pleased? If so that is unfair to him!
    DeeMarie87

    Answer by DeeMarie87 at 7:48 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • Tell him that you want to bring new things in the bedroom.
    mamaofficer

    Answer by mamaofficer at 7:49 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • Perhaps it is because you see him as the father of your children and far more special that in the back of your mind, you see those acts as demeaning him. Maybe a part of you doesn't want to open that door and you feel torn.
    kathyartist2007

    Answer by kathyartist2007 at 7:57 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • Maybe because he is more than a sexual partner to you, he's your life partner. You respect him, and for some reason think these things are more for men that you had "fun" with rather than a serious relationship with. Maybe try one night to spontaneously do something you haven't done before, like dirty talk or oral, and you will start to feel more comfortable with it. I know that I've been less comfortable opening up about sexual things with my SO, but we have a good sex life, and I love sex with him. Sometimes, we have to push ourselves to do something to find out we can do it, and better yet, enjoy doing it.
    MeandMyBabes

    Answer by MeandMyBabes at 8:05 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • Sounds like you need to work on communication and maybe bringing up a few of these things.
    Melbornj

    Answer by Melbornj at 8:37 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • wish you luck hun its good to try new things
    regian19832002

    Answer by regian19832002 at 10:35 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • maybe you just don't want him looking at you like a wild crazy slut? maybe you did those things in drunken stupors or to try to get these people to stick with you? i'm not saying you were a drunk desparate slut, but just think back to the circumstances and commitment level in these other relationships. you have a serious emotional investment in your marriage. perhaps you don't need all the bells and whistles when there is more love and it's more real. or maybe you're thinking you don't want to do that stuff ALL the time (i.e. you don't want to get him used to it even though you might not mind once in a while). there could be many reasons the sex hasn't been as wild. but if he's interested and you're willing, just start slow... it'll be fun!
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 11:40 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • Do you have any sex books? Like "The Joy of Sex"? One of the couples books that I have suggests using books or magazines (like Playboy) to show what you're interested in. If you have one, or feel comfortable buying one, sit down by your self when hubby is at work. Find a position or a new thing you want to introduce into your own bedroom and place a sticky note on that page. Then, leave the book somewhere you know he'll find it. Maybe under his pillow or on the seat of his car. (make sure it's where ONLY he will find it though!) If you want, add your own little note to the sticky note.. something like "what do you think?" or a time and place like "our room, tonight" ect.. That way, it opens the door, but there's no embarrassing or uncomfortable conversation. Then go back and forth with him picking the next one, then your turn again. Once you guys do this a couple times, you may feel more comfortable talking. cont....
    Megs5384

    Answer by Megs5384 at 2:09 AM on Aug. 12, 2010

  • If you want, you guys can talk before you start this game so he knows to expect to find the book. That way he's not so thrown off. Just tell him you've been thinking that you are ready to explore some new things and you think this is a good way to start it all. You can use all sorts of books. Romance novels, Playboy, other "girly magazines" (I don't know the name of any really), or, if you're both comfortable with watching porn together, you could rent or buy a movie that has a little of everything (pm if you want suggestions) and while he's at work, find a place in the movie where they do something you want to try. Pause the movie and either let him know you've marked it and he can watch it alone so he knows for later, or you can turn it on when ready and watch it together.
    Hope those ideas helped. Personally, I think they are really good ways to get the ball rolling and get to a point where you feel open enough to talk.
    Megs5384

    Answer by Megs5384 at 2:17 AM on Aug. 12, 2010

  • talk to him, tell him how u feel
    san78

    Answer by san78 at 12:24 PM on Aug. 12, 2010

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