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12 Bumps

Too young to be tied down? What do you think?

I just turned 22, have been with my now husband since I was 16. We have a 2 year old child together and have been married a little over a year. Recently I have had this really unsettling feeling of.."this may not be what I want" We have a fairly good life together, we have a house, car, truck.. As my sister put it, we have what most people want. But for some reason, Im not sure if this is what I want. I think it is in part to the fact that he was my first and only, and sexually, its just not very good. I kind of feel like I think Im missing out, or something. I dont know, Im not really sure how to explain it. Alot of my friends have told me that Im too young to be tied down and that if I dont live my life now that I will regret it later. But I feel like its too late to decide that I dont want this, seeing as we are married with a child. I would feel horrible to leave and break up a family, just to find Im not missing anything?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:15 PM on Aug. 11, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (31)
  • if you truly feel like you need more out of life, then it may be time to seriously consider moving on. i cannot speak for your situation specifically because i dont know you personally, but yes, i do feel like you're a bit too young to be tied down. based on my own experiences, i also believe that it is important to have several sexual partners before settling down. for me atleast, sexual compatability is huge in a relationship and it takes experimenting with different things and different people to figure out what you really need. actually, that experimenting is true for all aspects of a relationship. had i met my SO long ago, i probably wouldnt have given him a second thought...but from past relationships i have lerned what i need in a man and he is exactly what i need. i would urge you to enjoy life a bit...maybe just have a trial 6 month seperation...to help you figure out exatly what it is you want.
    LoriaAnn

    Answer by LoriaAnn at 2:06 AM on Aug. 12, 2010

  • well my philosophy is to 'sew your wild oats' while you're young and single, but it's a little late for that now lol. so my other philosophy is that 'the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence', meaning you always want what you don't have. often times once you get it you realize it's not that great and you were better off before. maybe the solution is working with hubby in the romance dept. and finding ways to please each other more in the bedroom. i think that would do the trick
    princessbeth79

    Answer by princessbeth79 at 8:18 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • i'v been with my dh since i was 16. we have a 3 year old and one on the way. you need to decide if you are happy with your life, or is it just "grass is always greener on the other side" kind of thinking. you need to discuss things with your husband. communication is important in a marriage. he may even feel the same way.
    jennifer588

    Answer by jennifer588 at 8:19 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • I think you'll regret it later if you break up your self-described "good life" for selfish reasons. Yes you are young but you committed to a marriage and a family. You and hubby can work on your love life and make it more interesting for you. It sounds like you have a good thing. I'd hate to see you give it up only to learn that the grass is usually never greener on the other side.
    Orionsgirl

    Answer by Orionsgirl at 8:20 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • I was married at 18. I'm 31 now and we still have a great life, so I'm not sure what to tell you, but I will give you a bump.
    JulieJacobKyle

    Answer by JulieJacobKyle at 8:46 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • I think that the perfect age to be "tied down" varies by the person. My husband and I have been together since right after I turned 18, married at 19, and we are now 26, coming up on our 7th anniversary with 3 children. We both are happy. It does not work for everyone, but it works for us.

    This kind of life might not appeal to most people, nor would it work for most people. Is finding out what you are missing out on really worth losing what you have?
    Courtney610

    Answer by Courtney610 at 9:26 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • Sounds like you need to work on the marriage that you have. Make it work, you can if you want to. It does not sound like there are any major issues but so sex is not that great? Make it so. Work on it. For me when I got married unless something major happened we are stuck with eachother forever, that is the reason for getting married. You got married for a reason and after a few years you are ready to throw in the towel. There are highs and lows in all marriages but if you communicate and work together then there will be a lot more highs.
    Melbornj

    Answer by Melbornj at 8:32 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • The grass always seems greener....doesn't it?

    You can either leave and go find out what's out there or you can sit down and talk to your husband about all this. Chances are he may be feeling the same way and you guys can work things out together. Try new things in the bedroom, change things up.
    michelle121003

    Answer by michelle121003 at 10:55 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • Your child has to come first. She or he didn't ask to be born. Instead of taking advice of people who seem to be encouraging you to leave your marriage, for which you made vows, my opinion is that you should be figuring out why you married your husband in the first place, why you decided to have a child with him, why you have been with him all this time. Talk with your religious adviser or seek counseling. Don't listen to people who seem to be interested in your leaving the good life you have now.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 8:28 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • I'm 24 with 2 girls. I've been married since I was 17. I know how you feel. My husband was my first and only. Sometimes I wonder the what ifs but I love him and my family so to me nothing would be worth ending that
    ashleys2girls

    Answer by ashleys2girls at 8:41 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

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