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Why do I feel the need to keep people at a safe distance?

Really, I'm starting to learn something about myself. I like to keep people at a safe distance and not get too close. I have a best friend who I talk to often, but I am always afraid to open up and let people get closer. I don't know why.

Answer Question
 
GinNTonic

Asked by GinNTonic at 9:13 PM on Aug. 11, 2010 in Relationships

Level 18 (6,147 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • bc you don't want to be a sucker, a lot of people are like this. you should look at your past and see how your relationship with your parents is. that's where my life was messed up but i don't see it as a downfall, i see it as a defense mechanism.
    angevil53

    Answer by angevil53 at 9:16 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • because it hurts less when they drop out of your life. well, at least that's why I do it.
    DarkFaery131

    Answer by DarkFaery131 at 9:17 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • if you have been hurt in the past, you aren't letting yourself close to prevent getting hurt again. I would go slowly and start talking to your friends about little things.
    gizmo730026

    Answer by gizmo730026 at 9:17 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • i am very much the same way!
    daisyb

    Answer by daisyb at 9:20 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • You've been hurt. Maybe a lot, maybe just a little but it doesn't matter. You've been hurt. :-(

    I love this line from 'The Wizard of Oz': "Hearts will never be practical until they are made unbreakable." Love is not practical, but we fail to thrive without it. You have to learn to trust people and love and be loved. The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return. (Another great quote.)

    Take tiny steps. Pick one or two people who you are friends with but not neccessarily super close with. Start with just a few things from your past that you can work into conversations and you'll grow closer as you open up.

    *hugs*
    EwansMommy

    Answer by EwansMommy at 9:22 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • You probably don't want to get hurt...or you're afraid that they won't accept you, or of the expectations that arise when friendships are cultivated. It's hard reaching out these days..and for myself the non-existent relationship I have with my family makes it hard to know how to make and keep close friendships with others. I understand exactly how you feel and you are not alone..not that that makes you really feel better. I do think friendships in the flesh are most important..but I guess techy friends will have to do for now:)
    Heathercurlz

    Answer by Heathercurlz at 10:04 PM on Aug. 11, 2010

  • I'm kind of like that. I do not let just anyone in and it's smart to be selective about who you let in and who you say what to. If you think you can trust someone you should just start to tell them more and more as you feel comfortable. Start by trying to do things with them and it will happen naturally.

    SylviaNCali

    Answer by SylviaNCali at 1:28 AM on Aug. 12, 2010

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