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2 Bumps

Will counseling even help or should I just leave my husband now?

My husband at times is verbally abusive towards me. He swears that he is changing but in reality he is just sucking up to me so I stay with him. He had a bad blow up about 4 weeks ago where I packed a bag and threatened to leave. I stayed. Then I decided this kind of relationship is not for me. I want to be FREE and live my life. Not be ridiculed for ever little thing I do and be told I am wrong all the time. We don't have sex and spend little time with each other. I do not enjoy the time I am with him I prefer to be alone. Now he has accused me of cheating on him because I was talking to a friend via email about my situation. Yes, things were said that probably shouldn't have been said and my husband found out because he snooped. Now he is watching my every move and tells people I literally cheated. We have a counseling session set up for Tuesday morning. I think it is past the point of helping. I just want out...

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:52 AM on Aug. 12, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (15)
  • Ask yourself, @ the end of the day, past all the bullshit & hurt feelings do you still want to be w/ him?
    Nyx7

    Answer by Nyx7 at 5:54 AM on Aug. 12, 2010

  • Well, from my veiwpoint, you've already made up your mind and the counselling is just wasted time and money. And honestly, he needs counselling alone along with anger management... otherwise he wouldn't constantly harp at you... know what I mean?

    Life is short... and if you're not happy, you need to be... so you gotta do what you gotta do to get that. Good luck hon.
    Gremlyn1980

    Answer by Gremlyn1980 at 6:00 AM on Aug. 12, 2010

  • You made a vow to be loyal to him, can you remember why? Put yourself in his shoes. If he had done those things that you have done, would you be angry and hurt? I think that you both would benefit by counseling. Try it with an open mind and with the idea that maybe your marriage can be saved. If you find it doesn't help, then is the time to make this important decision.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 6:10 AM on Aug. 12, 2010

  • I would go ahead and move out and then try counseling if you both really want to. Whose idea was the counseling? Both people have to work at a relationship. Verbal abuse can mess with how you feel about yourself and make you stay in a situation that you should get out of. Best of luck to you.
    treynlisa

    Answer by treynlisa at 6:14 AM on Aug. 12, 2010

  • Yes, you made a vow. But he has not been honoring those vows by being verbally abusive to you. I can not tell you whether to try counseling or not. Only you can make that decision, but I know that I wouldn't be satisfied in just leaving a marriage without trying counseling. I would have to know that I tried everything to make it work before I felt that it was ok. But, if he insists that everything is better after only a few sessions, and refuses to go any more. Do not hang around--only a few sessions will not help him with his anger and you will just suffer more from it.
    layh41407

    Answer by layh41407 at 6:37 AM on Aug. 12, 2010

  • You have already made up your mind. ONLY you can make yourself happy. If the love is just not there for both of you then just leave. I wish you luck. HUGS"
    sta517

    Answer by sta517 at 7:14 AM on Aug. 12, 2010

  • Counseling can help, but you will have to admit that you are at least 50% at fault. This is hard, I know, but problems in marriage are never 100% to 0% blame. Each party has to be willing to accept at least half the blame, if for no other reason than this is the person that you chose to marry. Nobody made you do it; you chose to, and therefore you can't put all the blame on him. Also, in order to stop the cycle of anger, you will have to be willing to learn that there are good times to bring up certain issues and there are times when you should wait. That will come out in counseling, too, if you go to someone who is any good at what he does. Women have ways of pushing their husband's buttons so they can then yell verbal abuse. Not saying your husband couldn't stand to learn more self-control, but that again goes both ways. So unless you decide to look at your own problems, too, then counseling will be a waste of time.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 7:37 AM on Aug. 12, 2010

  • Take a break. You can leave for a while and let things settle down to have a clear head on how to proceed.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:20 AM on Aug. 12, 2010

  • counseling CAN help if both of you guys really believe in it...honestly, it doesnt sound like you do and most guys dont believe in it either, so it is not likely to help. i think, in your heart, you have already made up your mind. it seems to me that it is time to move on. but i would suggest you seek counseling for yourself to resolve the baggage from this relationship before you begin another one.
    LoriaAnn

    Answer by LoriaAnn at 8:37 AM on Aug. 12, 2010

  • Sounds like your the one who has the problem and are trying to blame it on your husband. Of course your husband will get upset at you for talking to another man about your problems, i mean put yourself in his position. Looks like you have mentally and physically given up on your marriage. Instead of putting time and energy into complaining about it to friends you should put that same energy and time into your marriage. If you really don't want to do that, than i guess you have to make a conscious decision to leave because you want to leave and not blame anyone but yourself.
    Queen2245

    Answer by Queen2245 at 9:37 AM on Aug. 12, 2010

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