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Forcing Regression

my husband has 2 boys 5 and 3. the mom left almost 2 yrs ago. she found out we were relocating to canada, shes fighting us now. she got the court to force visitation. ive raised these 2 kids since she left, short from giving birth to them, they are my kids. i potty trained my youngest 8 mnths ago, and now into her 6th visit she brought him back in diapers. when asked why, it was to not have accidents in the car. its not hard to take him to a washroom before, or clean it after if it does happen, hes a child. shes had overnights, and now am sure that this wasn't just a one time thing, he has accidents in new places. im calling my lawyer in the morning, that falls under neglect, and its psychologically damaging, ive read up on it, but my question being if there is anymore feedback on this something i havent read or thought of that anyone could tell me anything and everything could be helpful.

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Asked by Kare0608 at 9:23 AM on Aug. 12, 2010 in Kids' Health

Level 4 (53 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • I would fight with the courts on how she neglected them 2 years ago.

    Answer by AnasMommy7 at 9:25 AM on Aug. 12, 2010

  • I'm playing devil's advocate. It's very common when big changes happen for children to regress, especially like this because now they get the chance to be the baby with her. It's very important that you don't get upset at the child. Stay calm and work with the child like you did when potty training the first time. I understand how hard it is to have a parent come back into the life of a child. my exhusband took off for almost a year then came back and took me to court for custody of our children. I completely understand. Two years later, though, I see the important of the children having their parents in their lives. I highly doubt the potty training issue has anything to do with neglect. It would be in the best interest of everyone involved if all the parents work this out together. Whatever her reasons were for leaving before doesn't change her coming back now. Put aside anger and resentment.

    Answer by Cassarah at 9:32 AM on Aug. 12, 2010

  • And to save you time and money, bringing up what she did two years ago won't do much good. That was a long time ago and I'm sure many things have happened since then. My exhusband was a drug addict and abusive and still won temporary custody of our boys without a shred of proof to back up what he was claiming because he appeared to be more proactive than I was (which also wasn't the case). If she's beating them that's one thing, but to put him in diapers because he's regressing, which is a normal thing in this type of circumstance, is not neglect or abuse. A child can't have too much love and they know you as one of their moms. My biological boys have two moms and two dads, my step sons have 3 moms and one dad (their bio mom has a female partner). It's been a rough two year adjustment for all of us, but we all love the boys so it was worth it.

    Answer by Cassarah at 9:38 AM on Aug. 12, 2010

  • I would say she is just trying to get back two years ago that is why she is doing the diaper thing. keep records of it because she might be doing this for her records. GL Momma

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 9:38 AM on Aug. 12, 2010

  • im not angry or resentful, i have no problem with her coming back, im all for them knowing their biomom, my 3 yr old already has gone through regression, but to put him back in diapers for something that might happen is my concern, the one thing when training a child they teach you never to go back to diapers, it sets them back, both physically, but more mentally/emotionally. i know this isnt my childs fault and in no way does he get any negative attention from his accidents. you have to remember that most of everything we do now to a child will pave the way of what kind of a person they will become. to force a child into regression will damage his future relationships. . im worried about the long term effects, not just because she has him in a diaper, if it was as simple as that then i would let it go. and as for it not being neglect it very much is. she rather put him in a diaper than deal with raising a child properly

    Comment by Kare0608 (original poster) at 9:44 AM on Aug. 12, 2010

  • shes more worried about getting his car seat dirty than thinking about his mental state, to regress him into a baby state, its condoning his accidents, pretty much giving him the ok to do it in his pants. its hurting him because all this time weve taken to raise him, make him feel like a big boy, and he was damn proud of being a big boy. its almost a 'punishment to put him in diapers, just cause hes having accidents your pretty much telling him hes a baby and damages them in ways we dont think about

    Comment by Kare0608 (original poster) at 9:51 AM on Aug. 12, 2010

  • you know, i was wrong, i am angry, this woman has already given my 5 yr old abandoment issues, and issues with women in general, and now shes doing something just as bad with my little one. i dont care how you put it, there is no justification for putting him back in diapers

    Comment by Kare0608 (original poster) at 9:57 AM on Aug. 12, 2010

  • it is time that your hubby talk to her about the child how proud he was being potty trained don't get mad yell scream just talk this what we started with the boys i and we where woundering if you could do the same . and she doesn't want to help out just talk to youngest boy tell some people want kids to be babies all the time but her in mom and dads house you will always be are big are smart they no right from wrong they know whats going on good luck with the ex you need it

    Answer by dutchcanadain at 11:26 PM on Aug. 12, 2010

  • Whatever happens I wish you luck. It seems that the safe guards in the court system anymore just protect the parents( normally the unavailable one) and the kids are not thought about. I have several issues with things my first 2 childrens bio father has done or not done but when I try to talk to legal aid I get alot of run around and have even been told to be grateful that he was only $1000 behind in child support. My husband and I recently decided to not worry about the small stuff and if things like my son's newfound disrespect for the man he has called dad for the last year keeps occuring then we will have our son talk to a counselor and see where that goes. I would suggest you might try doing the same and see how much it really is bothering him. If she is causing too much trouble then you have a legal proffesional on your side. Best of Luck!

    Answer by angelsynn at 5:29 PM on Aug. 22, 2010

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