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so i have a cousin who just broke up with her gf they have a son together. so his extremly mad now and is saying he isnt goign to give her money for the little kid or his not going to pick him up on weekends anymore. so mi telling himhe cant do that because the little kid has nothing to do with it. well acording to him its to early for her to be with someone else and its not fair that he is his dad and he calls the new bf daddy instead of him. so im trying to make him understand that turning his back on the little kid. i know she moved on fast but that has nothing to do with the baby. so am i right or is he right?

 
Alejandra10

Asked by Alejandra10 at 10:29 AM on Aug. 12, 2010 in Relationships

Level 18 (5,710 Credits)
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Answers (10)
  • She moved fast thats 4 sure but life goes on Unfortunatly it doesn't always wait 4 us 2 heal or 2get our sh*t together He needs 2 remember that the babies world has just flipped upside down 2 & he doesn't understand any of it He may not even understand what a daddy is At his age all men R dads & if he isn't around 2 help explain it 2 his son he can't expect him 2 kno anything diffrent The child has no ideal he is hurtin his father Its not something he is doing on purpose If he wants 2b the boys dad he needs 2 stand up & B his dad Yeah its hard seein an X Its even harder 2c an X with some1 new If he wasn't done tryin 2 make his family work he should have made his feelings known b4 He is mad at the mom & thinks he is punishin her by not pickin him up But he is only hurting himself & his son He is the dad he needs 2 make a relationship with his son they r blood 4get what is going on & just love him the rest will work out n time
    1proudmamaof2

    Answer by 1proudmamaof2 at 11:21 AM on Aug. 12, 2010

  • I don't think it would be right of him at all to turn his back on his child! If he is truly upset about the situation, why doesn't he act like an adult, and fight for his rights to his child?
    mommy11260

    Answer by mommy11260 at 10:32 AM on Aug. 12, 2010

  • She has a legal right to child support. It really doesn't matter if he wants to pay it or not, she needs to file with the court.

    As far as seeing his child? You might be right in everything you're saying, but if he doesn't want to see the child there really isn't anything you can do about it.

    And regarding "fair": who says life is "fair"? "It isn't fair" is the type of proclaimation that a child makes when he wants ice cream and is told no. He's acting like a child. Yes, it's perfectly fair that "Dad" is whoever is actively caring for the child - and if he doesn't want to care for his child, then he doesn't deserve to be called "Dad" Tough. Earn the title or deal with the fact that it goes to someone else.
    justnancyb

    Answer by justnancyb at 11:13 AM on Aug. 12, 2010

  • You are definitely right. It really upsets me when someone abandons their child in a situation like this.
    renea20

    Answer by renea20 at 10:33 AM on Aug. 12, 2010

  • My DH's ex had her new BF move in a week after DH moved out. Oh, well. The kid is still his and if he wnts to have a relationship with his son, then he needs to put the ex out of his mind and just be a good dad.
    JGRIMMER

    Answer by JGRIMMER at 10:34 AM on Aug. 12, 2010

  • You're right...he's taking out his anger for the ex on his son. There's going to come a day where he wished he hadn't done that.
    lizard111

    Answer by lizard111 at 10:40 AM on Aug. 12, 2010

  • Well, she will get child support regardless of whether he wants to give it to her or not. If he doesn't pay it, they will garnish his wages so there's not much he can do about that. If the mom truly is no good, as he is claiming, then his son needs him more than ever. That's his child and how could he possibly turn his back on his son just because he (your cousin) chose to have a baby with such an irresponsible woman? That's certainly not the child's fault!
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 10:44 AM on Aug. 12, 2010

  • He needs to realize that he can't take his anger at her out on the child, the child is innocent in all of this. If HE wants to be 'daddy' (instead of new bf being called daddy) then he has to step up and put his child first, and his own feelings about the situation second. He needs to be there for his child, follow thru on all visits and promises. He also needs to pay support for the child. If he truly thinks she is not a good mom or her behavior is putting the child at risk then maybe he should take her to court for custody and maybe even child support out of her.
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 11:01 AM on Aug. 12, 2010

  • he needs to get his head screwed on straight. they are broken up, and what she does is her business. it is his responsibility to take care of his child, and it is really sick that he is using his child in this manner. of course, she does sound like a bit of an ass, but if he wants to make sure his kid knows who daddy is, then he needs to be a daddy.
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 12:08 PM on Aug. 12, 2010

  • You're right, the child has nothing to do with their relationship.
    Cassandre

    Answer by Cassandre at 1:26 PM on Aug. 12, 2010

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