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3 Bumps

Do you have kids with different fathers...and it shows?

Hi everyone, I posted this question around midnight and got such a great response I decided to post it again, here goes:

I'm black. I had 2 kids with a black man, and now I'm married and have 2 other kids with a white man. So obviously my kids look different. It shows in public and people have actually asked if they are truly siblings. If there is someone out there with the same issue, please tell me how you deal.

We like to go out as a family and those times are easily ruined when someone makes a comment or asks a weird question. "Is he her brother?" I know some of you gonna say its my fault and I shouldn't have kids with multiple fathers but that's the way my life is now and I can't/won't change it. Any help though?

 
keisha613

Asked by keisha613 at 10:34 AM on Aug. 12, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 26 (26,906 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • Our son is black and both of us, his parents, are white. We get it often - the questions. Are you really his parents? Where did he come from? Will you tell him he is adopted? The last is my favorite because, duh, he's not blind. Besides the fact we would't ever lie to our son. But people feel the need to talk. They mean well, they are not unkind. Just not really polite or tactful in how it is asked. I have friends who adopt and have children of different races and that really throws people off. Best way we cope is to have standard responses at the ready.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 11:24 AM on Aug. 12, 2010

  • not yet..but i will and i'm sure it will show cuz my dh is very dark eyes, dark hair...my ex was fair skin, light eyes, light hair..and my son now..is a blondie and very fair. I'm sure when dh and i have a baby it will have dh's darker features. I wouldnt let people get to me though.

    You can break out the stunner lines to send them packing..
    "thats his brotha from my previous lova"
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 10:40 AM on Aug. 12, 2010

  • well there is n oway around this when your kids look so different from each other. People will always judge! I would not worry what people think. I do have a friend whom is with a black guy and they have one mixed baby and she has 3 kids that are white from her previous marriage..she says they get stares! She finds it funny though. My kids are 1/2 black all the same dad but they don't really look black so I get all kinds of guess as to what they are...I am like KIDS!
    hill2

    Answer by hill2 at 10:38 AM on Aug. 12, 2010

  • Well, I am not in your situation. But, I do regularly get asked "if their all mine" or people are just plain rude to me when I go out in public with my kids. Apparently, I look very young and I have five kids. People can be so freaking rude.
    matthewscandi

    Answer by matthewscandi at 10:39 AM on Aug. 12, 2010

  • I have a daughter from a previous relationship who is mixed- though she took my fair skin, and you don't notice it until summer... she looks the spitting image of her father, and people frequently as if they (also had 2 boys with my ex husband) are all siblings. My daughter becomes defensive and will tell people that even if they don't have the same dad, they are still HER brothers, and that it's none of THEIR business.

    I also get the "Are they all yours?" questions, or comments regarding how sorry people feel for me (and my children) because I am so young. My daughter was born when I was 16, and we were living on our own by the time I was 17... then 3 years later, baby #2, and then came baby # 3... Though I may be a tad young to have 3 children, I have many more years parenting experience than those who are questioning my abilities, so I generally shrug them off. I have to laugh at how naive they still are to parenthood.
    ObbyDobbie

    Answer by ObbyDobbie at 10:54 AM on Aug. 12, 2010

  • First of all they are stepping over the line by asking.

    Usually kids ask are you guys sisters I have never had an adult ask that. If one did I think I would politly say, Yes, how can you tell? LOL< just to get them..

    My kids are all Puerto Rican and white, but my younger daughter looks black and white. People say that all the time. She is my curly hair beauty queen/very tan. I simply say, my daughter is PR and Irish... ohhh, is what I get. I don't care about what people say or think. Remember where it is coming from..Some people are so rude, I would give them a taste of there on medicine, but have class about it... Good Luck!!!!
    KFree907

    Answer by KFree907 at 10:54 AM on Aug. 12, 2010

  • people are ignorant and so judgmental. when they do not have a clue. if you are with someone you love i bet it hard to deal with people talking crap about the look of your children. i would be too. ya i dont have any advice cept to screw their opinion and that i understand.

    i dont/wont judge as long as your happy and your children are happy... i feel for the children though. their parents love them care and are there.. but going out in public is such an event =(
    MoMoFu

    Answer by MoMoFu at 10:57 AM on Aug. 12, 2010

  • My oldest 2 kids have a sperm door, but all 5 have the same Daddy. I also have 2 SD's in that mix and we get told all the time that they could easily be mine! lol
    KamiB79

    Answer by KamiB79 at 10:58 AM on Aug. 12, 2010

  • Don't let somebody else's rudeness ruin your good time. If somebody asks something that is obviously rude ask them why they think it is any of their business. Put it on them. It is their problem. Somebody recently asked how old I am, I told her old enough that I don't have to answer that question anymore. She got very defensive and started off with "I only asked because..." You might want to ask if there is anybody in their own family who is remarried or adopted. Put it back on them. Sit there and stare at them until they answer or get uncomfortable. Somebody needs to remind them of their manners.
    LoveMyDog

    Answer by LoveMyDog at 11:01 AM on Aug. 12, 2010

  • Both of my daughters have the same dad, so I don't have that problem. Even my best friend who has 3 kids, 3 different dads lol look the same but mainly because she has always been with a Mexican guy since we are Mexican. Anyways though my friend is Guatemalan and she has 1 daughter with a Mexican guy and another daughter with an Afro Panamanian guy, so there is a BIG difference. Especially since her 1st daughter is super light skinned almost a pale while lol and her 2nddaughter looks black, of course everyone always ask her if they are sister and still have a hard time believing it lol. But I would say ignore those ignorant comments.

    cynprz

    Answer by cynprz at 11:49 AM on Aug. 12, 2010

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