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My friend is dying and I don't know what to do!

Nothing I can say helps, she is in so much pain she cries her self to sleep. She was released from the hospital at the first of this month and placed on feeding and pic line.. She isn't doing to well and not sure if she will make it this year let alone next week! She needs ideas on what we can do for her son he is 2 years old. were doing build a bear with a voice box with her saying she loves him. also a letter. She is so sick she can't do much cause she ends up in th hospital. She doesn't like that her son see her that way and it hurts her to know that she wont last long. Any idea? ( I have a journal about what is wrong with her)


Asked by Claudiomom at 2:38 PM on Aug. 12, 2010 in Health

Level 18 (5,288 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (15)
  • Uuuuh that is so sad!!! Maybe you could start journaling the story of her life, like how she was raised, how her and her son's dad met, stuff like that. Her likes and dislikes, so he can see if he is like her as he grows up.

    Answer by crystalhuskey at 2:40 PM on Aug. 12, 2010

  • ya if she can write - write a long letter or several letters that her son can read over time... explaining things in varying degrees that someone can help the child read and understand... like one for birthdays or something? the build a bear thing sounds really sweet. make sure it's very Very durable - if i was that child i would keep it till i was old. other than that idk

    Answer by MoMoFu at 2:52 PM on Aug. 12, 2010

  • If she has a hospice nurse and social worker, talk with them. She may want to say things to you and her family that she cannot say directly. I found that patients would talk to me about things they wanted to say to their loved ones while their loved ones were in the room. You may talk with these caregivers about information the family needs specifically. Living will/ funeral type things. They will bring up the subjects when appropriate. God bless you all. If you do not have hospice, I encourage you to explore it. They are wonderful' caring people. They could not do this work if they were not. And yes we do cry.

    Answer by KISS1224 at 2:57 PM on Aug. 12, 2010

  • How very tragic and sad, I would have her make a video for her son to see when he is older, talking and saying all the things she will not be here to say, for seeing all the future important scenarios in her sons life. Yes it is extremely sad but this way he will have something to hold on to, I am so sorry for your friend, a big hug from me to you and to this mom who can't do much with what little time she has left, you are all in my prayers.

    Answer by older at 2:48 PM on Aug. 12, 2010

  • I would do what both ladies suggested.

    Make a video where she gets to go through all the things he could go through with him. High school and college graduation. Marriage. Babies, etc. Also this way he has something that has her voice and face together for him to cherish.

    The build a bear toy is a great idea too, and the letter.

    The journal would be priceless. Have her write out storied about her childhood, how she met his dad, about being pregnant, about his birth, and the time they did have together. She may not ever get to vocalize the stories of her life to him, but I imagine some day he would want to know.

    I am so sorry that this is happening, I hope you can help her find at least some peace before she passes knowing that she left a nice legacy for her son through these mementos.

    Answer by kfroz0415 at 3:01 PM on Aug. 12, 2010

  • I am so glad she has you. You are the best kind of friend. I hope she can do a couple of the things suggested here. It will possibly bring her some peace.

    Answer by elizabr at 4:13 PM on Aug. 12, 2010

  • Go shopping and buy either an already made blanket or make a blanket using polar fleece or polyester. You have her and her son hug in the blanket together and have her tell him that every time he wants a hug from Mommy he wraps in the blanket. The reason with the polyester is it will wear forever. Another idea is create a blanket that is made from favorite things. or a wall hanging of things that they like. Another idea is to go to and create a book there using poems and sayings that she's used. Create a book from her to him and have it printed.

    Answer by babygoose78 at 7:02 PM on Aug. 12, 2010

  • i have heard of a mom that got birthday cards for her child, and the dad gave one each year. she could give a card for many occasions...first day of school, great job on that exam, happy first
    i am very sorry to hear about your friend.

    Answer by happy2bmom25 at 9:28 PM on Aug. 12, 2010

  • I meant, maybe SHE could start journaling her life

    Answer by crystalhuskey at 2:41 PM on Aug. 12, 2010

  • All the suggestions are great, when you do the build a bear get a few extra voice boxes so if one goes out it can be replaced with a new one, you can take it to the store and they can do that for you. Also a video with her face and voice will be important. I know it sounds hard but she should also start talking to him about the fact that she wont be here forever, prepare him for it, its hard to do but my cousin is going through it and she doesn't want her daughter to be blindsided when she dies. Good luck to her and your a great friend.

    Answer by BusyBeesmom at 4:26 PM on Aug. 12, 2010

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