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2 Bumps

some women are so weird to me....spin off

So a while ago I posted a question about how we have a Leave Rule because my hubby had abused me in the passed and it was court ordered that he leave if arguments escalate to a point where I am uncomfortable. Otherwise he will go to jail if cops get called by anyone, and his minimum is 1year if he violates again.

So lately he has been sleeping in his car to avoid the jail time and to avoid arguing with me.

I have given up on the relationship, I don't care if he finds someone else at this point, my brain is numb to it, and I'm tired of arguing with him.

He has not hit me again, but he has been getting to the point that I remember him being at before he hit me years ago so I don't allow him back home unless to spend minutes with his son, for my safety.

The weird thing is, why do women say "It's not 100% his fault?"
Maybe not every issue is 100% his but he is 100% in control of his actions last I checked.


Asked by Anonymous at 4:35 PM on Aug. 12, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • Arguments, granted, can be the fault of either, but it is 100% his fault when he raises a hand to you.

    Answer by JGRIMMER at 4:38 PM on Aug. 12, 2010

  • Why not divorce? If you both are that miserable and if he has to sleep in the car and if he has hit you and have an order in place...just divorce and spare you both the hassle.

    Answer by BradenIsMySon at 4:41 PM on Aug. 12, 2010

  • relationship issues are rarely one-sided... saying that doesn't mean he has an excuse to hit (that's never excusable) but the definition of a relationship means there are at least 2 people involved

    Answer by elizabiza at 4:40 PM on Aug. 12, 2010

  • Well they may have meant that as a way of saying that if you're still with him, you're allowing that to happen? I don't agree with that, because nobody deserves to be abused, and you're absolutely right that he is in control of his actions and should be held accountable for them. I must ask though, how come, if your relationship is so broken, you two are still together? It may be better for the both of you and your son if you both go your separate ways I would think.

    Answer by nicolemstacy at 4:41 PM on Aug. 12, 2010

  • I didn't see your original question to fully understand your circumstances, nor can I speak to anyone else's opinion. From my point of view a relationship is 50/50 and it takes two people to ruin it, just as it takes two people to keep a relationship together. Of course I really can only speak from my situation and things I have gone through, and I believe each person bears some responsibility for the validity of their relationship (good or bad). That being said however each person is responsible for their own actions, and regardless of who started a fight or what the fight is about - abuse should never be a part of it and I certainly wouldn't blame the victim for someone abusing them.

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 4:41 PM on Aug. 12, 2010

  • He doesn't know how to control his temper and he acts before thinking. That is not your fault.

    Answer by modaddict17 at 4:42 PM on Aug. 12, 2010

  • Perhaps they mean that there may be something in his past that happened to him that is contributing. It is NOT your fault AT anyone trying to indicate it needs to be hushed up. I was in an abusive relationship for 3 years. My husband used to be a big heroine user and then he switched to drinking. I suffered a great deal. The one time after all that time I finally took my fist and hit him in the jaw ( I was SCARED to make a move before), he grabbed me and hit me over and over again. I woke in the hospital and one thing he said played in my mind was "You have no right to hit me!" each time he smacked me in the face. I thought, woooo, where did HE get off having the right to hit me? Needless to say...we split, got a divorce. But want to know something? He later met a wonderful woman who made him get the help he needed and he no longer has the problem! He sought me for years to apologize. I forgave him.

    Answer by MaryWolfe at 4:42 PM on Aug. 12, 2010

  • cont....Now we are good friends. Anyway, he knows today I will kick a** if he or anyone else raise a fist with me.

    Anyway, stay strong. You are NOT at fault. He has a serious issue and he is just using you as a scapegoat.

    Answer by MaryWolfe at 4:44 PM on Aug. 12, 2010

  • that's my point PP
    Finally I muster up the courage, after years to just stop caring about him and now It's not his fault. Ha ha I know better now.

    I always think about what if he hit me again? I'm no longer in fear of him, I AM NOW IN FEAR OF WHAT I WILL DO IN "DEFENSE"

    I didn't realize I was doing this, but ever since it happened, years ago, I have been subconsciously preparing myself for it to happen again, I never let it go. I have been hiding weapons in weird places in the house because I've been scared and now I know why, I'm not scared of intruders, I've been scared that I won't be prepared to fight him.

    I need some counseling for this, I haven't realized how much I dislike him until I wrote this out...hmm

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:47 PM on Aug. 12, 2010

  • It is 100% his fault when he hits you! One's that say it isn't obviously haven't been in abusive relationships. If you don't care for him anymore just divorce him.

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 5:12 PM on Aug. 12, 2010