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What is a fair joint custody arrangement?

I am pregnant and my jerk boyfriend just broke up with me. He says that when the baby is born that we should have equal custody. He thinks I should have the baby for 2 weeks and then he gets the baby for 2 weeks. I do not agree with that at all. He has practically not been around for the whole pregnancy and has been out partying and putting all of his focus on other girls and his work. I want him to have the chance to be apart of our daughters life but I don't think that 2 weeks is acceptable. What is a good arrangement?

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Asked by mattie1212 at 5:32 PM on Aug. 12, 2010 in Babies (0-12 months)

Level 1 (2 Credits)
Answers (23)
  • If you decide to breastfeed, you couldn't go 2 weeks without nursing. My ex gets my kids every other weekend and Wednesday afternoons, but that's nowhere near equal. We have joint legal custody, but I have primary physical custody - in our state at least it is hard to get anything but joint legal custody if the other parent wants the children too. I wouldn't agree to equal custody as a baby because I think the baby needs more stability than that offers. I would start out with him taking her for a few hours at a time when she's born and then work your way up to whatever you feel comfortable with.

    Answer by missanc at 5:36 PM on Aug. 12, 2010

  • I am sorry you are going through this

    I know of some couples that do week with mom and a week with dad custody arrangement, but all the kids I know of in this type of arrangement has been older. This might be rough on a newborn.


    Answer by layh41407 at 5:37 PM on Aug. 12, 2010

  • Look up the graduated visitation guidelines for your State. It's a custody arrangement that happens in steps. A few hours a couple days a week to start, leading to over-nights(usually around 2yrs. old). It's usually the courts preferred arrangements for infants. The courts see it as fair, and in the child's best interest, so you'd be mor likely to have your request granted.

    Answer by desert_diva at 5:38 PM on Aug. 12, 2010

  • I agree with missanc. A joint physical arrangement is not necessary

    Answer by layh41407 at 5:38 PM on Aug. 12, 2010

  • His whole outlook will probably change once the baby comes anyway. But I would take it to court if he keeps on insisting. Does he have any other children?

    Answer by BlainesMommy09 at 5:39 PM on Aug. 12, 2010

  • I told him that while she is a newborn she needs to stay with me and he can come over to see her whenever he wants and for however long he wants but then when she gets older I think it should be every other weekend, but he said that is not a fair offer

    Comment by mattie1212 (original poster) at 5:39 PM on Aug. 12, 2010

  • You are going to have to go through your state for visitation. You can't just agree on something and expect it to stand up in court. The state will point a fair visitation plan according to your own personal situation.

    Answer by xxlilmomma09 at 5:40 PM on Aug. 12, 2010

  • No he doesn't have any other children, he is a single 26 year old who is still enjoying his party life, I don't think he even has the time for a baby alone for 2 weeks at a time

    Comment by mattie1212 (original poster) at 5:41 PM on Aug. 12, 2010

  • I think every other weekend is good enough for right now espeically if you decide to BF. You cant be moving a newborn back and forth like that, it will get confusing for her/him and screw the schedule up.

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 5:41 PM on Aug. 12, 2010

  • Maybe till he proves he wont go party all the time then you can increase the visitation

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 5:42 PM on Aug. 12, 2010

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