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Aweful mom.

I fee like such an aweful mom to my kids. Like I gave up when times got tough.

My oldest daughter is now 10. My son is 1.

I placed my second daughter 3 yrs and 1 month ago today.

Will my kids and my birthdaughter ever forgive me if I cant forgive myself?

Answer Question
 
TLW514

Asked by TLW514 at 6:04 PM on Aug. 12, 2010 in Adoption

Level 7 (186 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • being a Parent is tough. you are not a aweful mom you are just doing what you believe is best for your child. I'm sure they will forgive you.
    puzzled216

    Answer by puzzled216 at 6:21 PM on Aug. 12, 2010

  • oh, honey..you have amazing strength to make the best descision for your child. Even if it means you and your other kiddos miss out. My birth parents gave me up and I had an older and younger brother. My mom was super young and had many issues. We have since runited and I genuinely forgive her. In, fact, I thank her becaus I have th most amazing parents! If you don't mind me asking; why here and not the other two?
    coolchic320

    Answer by coolchic320 at 6:38 PM on Aug. 12, 2010

  • you made this choice because it was the best choice you could make at that time .do you have an open adoption with them or no
    britme1027

    Answer by britme1027 at 7:03 PM on Aug. 12, 2010

  • I'm not a birthmom and I haven't been through what you've been through, but I'm sure you're not an awful mom. Sending you a {{HUG}}!
    Iamgr8teful

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 7:41 PM on Aug. 12, 2010

  • I have a semi open adoption. We used to email daily while I was pregnant. Then once they got home it slowed down a lot. I knew it would though. They also have 4 bio children. (The father was adopted and wanted to adopted as he got older) So I thought that they would totally understand my love for this child and what it was exactly I was giving them. I get pics twice a yr and a yearly visit that is usally about 1 1/2 to 4 hours long. Thats it. I wanted a more open relationship. Friendship. To email often and send cards for holidays and special events type of stuff. I chose adoption for my daughter b/c I was a single mom to a then 6 yr old. She turned 7 just two weeks after the baby was born. But I was in a BAD place. I was homeless and just not doing well. Then 2 yrs after that, I had gotten a townhome back into school and the daddy and I were together. Found out I was pregnant and we decided we couldnt let go again.
    TLW514

    Comment by TLW514 (original poster) at 8:26 PM on Aug. 12, 2010

  • We didnt want to let go. We wanted to raise this lil guy. They look JUST alike and that makes things harder sometimes.

    I feel like she (Abby) is going to hate me for placing her and keeping her brother and sister. And I feel like they are going to hate me for letting her go.

    I feel like I lose no matter which way I turn.

    Everytime I do things with my kids, I feel like a piece of me is missing. My thoughts are still so consumed with her daily that sometimes its hard to think.

    This is just aweful and I wish this on NOBODY!!!!
    TLW514

    Comment by TLW514 (original poster) at 8:29 PM on Aug. 12, 2010

  • You're not alone. Many of us feel the same way. I can only suggest a support group and therapy.
    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 12:37 PM on Aug. 13, 2010

  • I'm sure that was 1 of the hardest choices you have ever had to make, it's almost like a death. You were thinking for something better for her future most likely. I wish you luck and don't beat your self up over this, sometimes you just have to do what's best for your child. I don't envy you one bit. It is a decision that may require therapy or a Priest, don't know your religion, but don't just sit around and let it eat at you. Seek out help for you, just as you did for your child.
    MyAngel003

    Answer by MyAngel003 at 3:57 PM on Aug. 13, 2010

  • MyAngel003-Seek out help for you, just as you did for your child.

    This is good advice. The adoption agencies will tell you that you may experience feelings of loss, remorse, or sadness, but I don't believe they realize how losing your child turns your life inside out. How it affects every minute of every day, especially when the level of contact your were promised is no where near what you expected or that to which you agreed. The betrayal adds to the rejection, the anger, the sadness. But....you shouldn't try to handle this alone, just as you wouldn't try to cure your own illnesses without a doctor guiding you. You may have had counseling in the beginning and you may need to go back for a while. If you don't feel that your previous counselor can help you, find a new one. You need to take care of YOU for her and the rest of your family.
    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 4:19 PM on Aug. 13, 2010

  • you have to stop beating yourself up . you did what was best for your child did you not? so you are NOT a bad mom. you are a fabulous sacrificing mom!
    sati769leigh

    Answer by sati769leigh at 8:47 AM on Aug. 16, 2010

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