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It's all my fault!

I figured out why I am alone... it's because I am boring. 3 years in a verbally abusive relationship has got me where I am today... alone! I can't be myself... I am shy when I am with a guy and it's hard for me to say anything... I get all awkward and just sit there afraid to hug him or be with him. I pushed this last guy away. Yes, he just got out of a relationship but if I wasn't so boring, maybe he wouldn't have said that he's just not ready for a relationship then not text like he said he would today. He doesn't like me, he's just trying to not hurt my feelings. I just want who I used to be back. Will I ever be lovable, even with all my flaws... will they accept who I am and be there to make me a better person? If they truly cared, wouldn't they want me still, even if I am broken?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:32 AM on Aug. 13, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • Honey you are not broken you just need to find the right one but you don't look for him he will come to you. Your just missing your other half.
    elisabellaguna

    Answer by elisabellaguna at 12:36 AM on Aug. 13, 2010

  • If you're "broken" than fix it.
    SaraP1989

    Answer by SaraP1989 at 12:38 AM on Aug. 13, 2010

  • I'm married and still broken I was in a abusive situation with my father and I never trusted a guy and when I meet my husband I layer everything down on the table and said that this is how i am I'm broken and if you want me then this is what you taken. And we ended up married and I'm getting better I'm trusting I'm with everything I have

    Things will look up for you I promise
    jmcwilly

    Answer by jmcwilly at 12:44 AM on Aug. 13, 2010

  • Take it slow and work on you before worrying about men. Go to an abuse victims counselor. Good luck.
    hot-mama86

    Answer by hot-mama86 at 12:49 AM on Aug. 13, 2010

  • I would see a counselor or pastor, some you can really talk to. I hope things get better with you. It does take time to heal. You WILL get there. Take care.
    AdrianaS

    Answer by AdrianaS at 12:50 AM on Aug. 13, 2010

  • I was broken too when I got married and my husband knew some of it, then when we got married he learned even more and he's been very supportive. If he really loves you, he'll love the whole you. good luck
    SweetLoveofMine

    Answer by SweetLoveofMine at 12:57 AM on Aug. 13, 2010

  • You're letting your verbal abuser from your past relationship still abuse you! He's still in your head telling you you're not good enough...but here's the secret...you are! Like you said, if someone truly loves you, they'll love you flaws and all. But sweetheart you do have to open up (it's okay if it's not right away, or if it's slow at first) but if you've gotten to a point that you trust someone, then tell them a little about whats happened. You don't have to go into detail, just tell them the situation and let them know it may take you a little longer to open up. That should buy you some more time before having to share more. And if a guy tells you he wants to know more about you, and gets upset 'cause 'you're too closed off,' listen to what he's saying, that means he cares enough to ask. So tell him. I hope you find the happiness you deserve. And get that jerk of an ex out of your head, that's YOUR place!
    SweetiePeasMama

    Answer by SweetiePeasMama at 1:03 AM on Aug. 13, 2010

  • I've never been through what you've been through, but I do relate to the feelings of brokenness. When, in college, I realized that I was really broken and couldn't make relationships work, I started by swearing off relationships for one year. I wanted to grow and heal in that year, and become close to God and learn to trust Him with my heart. I really believe in the "gift of singleness". At least for a time to heal and grow.

    Even after I was married to a good man, I went through a time where I felt like I had lost sight of who I was in trying to be who he wanted me to be. I felt like I didn't even know who I was anymore. One day I realized I was being unsuccessful at trying to mold to him and I said "Screw this!" I started by getting rid of clothes HE liked that I did NOT. It felt so good! I was able to identify things in myself I was inhibiting because he didn't like them, and I let myself be me. WHO CARES WHAT GUYS WANT! ..
    Adelicious

    Answer by Adelicious at 1:22 AM on Aug. 13, 2010

  • It's when you can kick the feeling of needing to be something for someone and realize you're just right as you, with or WITHOUT another person.... then you can be yourself, and that's the kind of woman a healthy man is attracted to. I cannot stress enough IT TAKES A VERY GOOD MAN TO BE BETTER THAN NO MAN AT ALL! I really think the first step in being able to have a healthy relationship is being able to be single. Good luck beautiful lady!
    Adelicious

    Answer by Adelicious at 1:25 AM on Aug. 13, 2010

  • Yep they will. It took me a while after my abusive marriage but I found "me" again and now I'm fine and happier than ever.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:27 AM on Aug. 13, 2010

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