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How do I settle this?

I want to move out of Colorado to Texas in the near future. The soon to be in-laws are not having that. My parents love the idea. 100% support us. But my Fiance' is a people pleaser especially when it comes to his dad. "What are we going to do w/our grandchildren thousands of miles away?!" I'm miserable, and my fiance' is happy w/the idea of moving. It's always a constant battle between his family and I. Shouldn't I be first priority?

Answer Question

Asked by love2love1013 at 4:59 AM on Aug. 13, 2010 in Relationships

Level 6 (121 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • do you have jobs and a place to live. sounds like your finance is a wimp. if he wont go go without hom. if the grandparents can flty then they can come visit. or you them .

    Answer by stressedoutgran at 5:14 AM on Aug. 13, 2010

  • Yes, you should be! And it's your life, your marriage, your family that matters! If the 2 of you want to move then you should go for it! Sure his parent's would be sad and miss you all but they will get used to it and still love you just the same. You shouldn't let them hold you back!

    Answer by efeyer25 at 5:16 AM on Aug. 13, 2010

  • Um chyea lol I'd put my foot down and say umm yea thell visit you guys lol

    Answer by jmcwilly at 5:19 AM on Aug. 13, 2010

  • I think ther eshould be a compromise between you and him..not you him and his parents, this is both of your decisions. sure it's gonna be hard for them but if it's gonna benefit your family that should matter most and yes you are and should be first priority!

    Answer by babyangelromero at 5:22 AM on Aug. 13, 2010

  • I think that u should go and he should back you up.

    Answer by ladydi121 at 5:25 AM on Aug. 13, 2010

  • You might want to rethink marrying him if you know this about him. And are having issues. If you want to move. Then move. Tell him are you comming? If not we are know longer together.

    Answer by louise2 at 5:46 AM on Aug. 13, 2010

  • You two have to decide what is best for the two of you. It is difficult for the parents, but they will adjust. Are they healthy enough to travel and visit you once you are there?

    Boy, do I wish I lived only the distance from CO to TX!! I live in Massachusetts and my DS and my grandchildren live in CA. Broke my heart when they left but we Skype together, send packages to the children, and see them several times a year. Everyone has to make it work. Make the best decision for you and your fiance. Have understanding for the parents and always welcome them to your new home.. He needs to tell them he loves them, but you and he are planning your lives together. Best wishes.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:28 AM on Aug. 13, 2010

  • This is not a good sign for your marriage to this man. There's a dynamic going on that is very difficult for any couple to overcome. You are in a tug-of-war with his family, and you will very likely never win. You are outnumbered. I would probably break it off now and be more careful of family dynamics before getting involved in future entanglements.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:07 AM on Aug. 13, 2010

  • Wow, your man would give up his happiness in order to try to make things convenience for others? That's a bit over the top. Grandparents adapt. I was not thrilled when all my grandkids left the state but now I'm seeing it was a good thing for everyone. I can still visit them and it makes the visits more special. Tell your fiance to suck it up and find his own happiness. If moving benefits you and the kids then by all means tell him you and your children should come first. Mom and dad will have to let him fly from the nest some day. Now is as good a time as any. Find your fate. They should be supporting that idea not being selfish and holding him back. Tell him to make them stop manipulating him and grow a backbone. We old folks can take it. We're stronger than we let on sometimes!

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:20 AM on Aug. 13, 2010

  • Yo're not his wife, so not yet.

    Answer by gulfcoastmom4 at 9:24 AM on Aug. 13, 2010

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