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Growth spurt Marriage?

DH and I are about to make it 8 years married, 12 together. Through kids, jobs, moves, I always put 100% of me into being mom/wife. Now, after his emotional affair, I'm at a new place and ready to put some % into me! Can marriages grow or evolve into something completely new yet familiar, with new goals/dynamics/lives, or is this the sign that we're going different ways and it's time to just go our OWN ways? Am I just spinning his affair so I don't hurt so bad?

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Asked by LiteBrite415 at 7:58 PM on Oct. 6, 2008 in Relationships

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Answers (4)
  • The first question you need to ask yourself is if you forgive him. It's a hard question, really. If you can't forgive him, are you going to find a healthy way to deal with it? Do you want to stay with him for your own sake? You need to ask yourself these questions and decide if you want to continue with your marriage.

    I know after my husband had his affair, it took close to 5 years to get to where we are on more equal footing and can trust each other again. It's a LOT LOT LOT of work. You have to commit to yourself as well. Make sure that you put time and effort into what your wants and needs are. If you are willing to work, and are willing to grow as an individual; I think you'll be all right.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:07 PM on Oct. 6, 2008

  • everyone grows with sometime and i think you are letting this emotional affair get to you. if it is over and you feel you can still trust him then stick it out. it just seems like somehow along the way you lost a sense of who you are and now realizing that after he had this affair. so i don't think it means that it's over just that you found yourself again. the only time i would give up on my hubby is if he hurt me or my children physically and verbally. so you need to decide if you still love him and willing to forgive and forget cause no one is perfect and the next guy you find won't be either. if you have kids it's almost always best to stick it out and find that spark between you guys again. let the love grow back. so you will have to forgive and try to forget. this could make your relationship stronger and more loving.

    Answer by melody77 at 8:26 PM on Oct. 6, 2008

  • We experience. We learn. We grow. We see if the foundation can take the pressure. You are in total control right now so it's all about what you want and what you think you can endure. Emotional affairs hurt sometimes worse than physical ones but they can be overcome. In several books it says that marriages are usually stronger and last when a man cheats and wants his wife to forgive him. They work it out bc she's the rock in the family. So you can hold it together if you want it to stay together. Make him prove himself though. He damaged the relationship by destroying trust and he has to rebuild that part on his own. If he is willing to do that and it's what you want then you call the shots. It's your world. You are the queen of your world. It's whatever you want.

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:35 PM on Oct. 6, 2008

  • Can I forgive him. He hurt me bad. He doesn't even know the term "emotional affair". He claims they've never been physical, and that's the end of it. I realize he's not going to kiss my feet, and beg my forgiveness, because he doesn't think (or won't admit) he's wrong. Why would he maintain this "friendship" and what is he getting out of it if nothing sexual? I feel completely threatened and diminished by her, yet I'm trying to stay on this Me kick, finding myself, discovery....It's like everyone but them told me I'm right, but now everyone including them expects me to just forget it ever happened! What is wrong with these people?

    Answer by LiteBrite415 at 6:11 PM on Oct. 9, 2008

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