My almost 3 year old is driving me up a wall with his not listening.... I try all the tricks about not saying no too often and rephrasing it so I am still setting boundries but arg... He refuses to listen to me and no amount of time outs or taking things away is working... I swear I used to have patience... I really did... now I feel like the minute he wakes up I end up getting frustrated.... even this morning I asked him to come to me ( for a hug and kiss ) and he said NO, I am pushing my cars around.. If I ask him to please help mommy and get something for me, He won't.. I tell him we are a family and we need to help each other but he flat out refuses... I don't know what to do - Man, I hope this is an age thing.,.. He is strong willed and showing signs of adhd like his father and I both have but I am still the mom... how do I get him to listen???
Asked by Anonymous at 8:42 AM on Aug. 13, 2010 in General Parenting
Answer by elizabr at 8:45 AM on Aug. 13, 2010
Answer by happy2bmom25 at 8:51 AM on Aug. 13, 2010
Answer by NannyB. at 8:53 AM on Aug. 13, 2010
Answer by Memigen at 8:59 AM on Aug. 13, 2010
Answer by micheledo at 8:59 AM on Aug. 13, 2010
Here is the famous article about saying no. Pay attention to what the suggestions about what to say instead. It doesn't recommend punishment.
When you ask him to come to you for a hug and a kiss he should have the free will to choose not to. Affection should be freely given. A 3 year old doesn't understand things like "we need to help each other out". You need to shift your thinking. No mini lectures, keep it simple. No asking him to 'help' mommy. Focus on the task or issue. It's not his job to be your helper.
Answer by Gailll at 9:10 AM on Aug. 13, 2010
Answer by micheledo at 9:13 AM on Aug. 13, 2010
You don't train up a child to be cooperative by using punishment. You are not doing the "tricks" right if you are using time outs and taking things away. When you are dealing with problems with children don't think 'he won't listen and he has problems' (attribution error), think 'what am I doing wrong'. I think you are expressing that to.
It's not just about not saying no, you have to know what to do when you don't say no. Always remember punishment almost never stops bad behavior and never teaches good behavior. Psychologists know (and have known for over 30 years) that it is an ineffective form of parenting. Kids behave worse, lie, sneak, hurt others, and resent parents. You can be smart enough you don't need to punish.
Answer by Gailll at 8:57 AM on Aug. 13, 2010