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Should I still try to talk to my SO ......keep getting advice that I should not give up

Although i am really hurt by the ways have turned out, a part of me wants to see if there is any hope. My SO has a tendency of keeping everything inside and then acting out impulsively. I know this is not right but we have been together 12 yrs. When ever we are situations that are difficult he just shuts down. It's going to be a month that he wont talk things out with me, he just tells me we are done. Just because I spoke out about his mothers unacceptable behavior in front of our daughter, she has always done things to me indirectly to hurt me I usually let it slide. His response to my blow was to throw the remote and tell me that I am selfish for not thinking about my daughters feelings. I tried to apologize even though i felt I needed to speak out this has gone on for far too long. Now he just wants to end it all, I'm just having a hard time accepting that..please help?

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jenlesly

Asked by jenlesly at 9:41 AM on Aug. 13, 2010 in Relationships

Level 6 (110 Credits)
Answers (2)
  • I think that I would tell him, gently but honestly, that he was right, you should not have spoken poorly of his mom (her grandma) in front of her (dd) - BUT - she (your mother in law) should also be treating you with respect and consideration. Tell him that you're very sorry, because you know it's got to be hard for him to feel like he's in the middle between you and his mom, because you know that's hard for him, and you will try to not make comments about her like that to him anymore. BUT - that it's also important - both to you as his wife AND for your daughter, who will learn how she should expect to be treated by her future husband by how she sees him treating you - that he doesn't take his mother's side over yours, allowing you to be put down, or lashing out at you for wanting to be treated with respect.

    cont
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 9:47 AM on Aug. 13, 2010

  • cont

    Ask gently and not in an arguing tone, if he,as a father, would like to see his daughter in a marriage where she is put down by her inlaws and her husband doesn't defend her? Say that as much as he wouldn't like that for his daughter, it's also not right for his wife... And that again, you're sorry for saying what you did, but you were frustrated and hurt by how she (mil) treats you, and you hate that your dd is seeing it (because believe me, she is - kids pick up on that stuff), and that she (dd) is learning it's ok and normal to be treated that way - because that's how mom was... You want better for your dd and for yourself, and for your marriage.

    Tell him you love him, you want to work to fix this with him, and you hope he can forgive you for your mistakes in this, because you want to forgive him for his mistakes, too.

    Where you go from there (together or apart) depends on what he says then...

    gl!!!
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 9:53 AM on Aug. 13, 2010

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