Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

Would you stay with someone bc it may ruin them if?

Would stay with your partner bc it will ruin their life? I just recently left my ex, but I tend to feel bad for he's life, he lived with me, had no car, no job. So when i left him he had to turn to friends to let him stay at their place and ask for rides, he still doesnt have a job, (he does get money someway or the other). But he has no goals or desire to ever get a job. Were not connecting anymore but we still have to keep in touch bc we have kids together. When I last spoke to him he said I ruined he's life, but damn am I supposed to stay with him and be unhappy for the sake of not ruining he's life. Ughhh! This is so hard. I want better, I work full -time, I have three more classes to take to get my associates degree, I trying to do better, but he doesnt want the same.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:49 AM on Aug. 13, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (17)
  • believe me, you did not ruin his life!!!
    he is responsible for his own life, and no one else!!!
    i do believe our so's can enhance our lives...but not ruin them.
    happy2bmom25

    Answer by happy2bmom25 at 10:51 AM on Aug. 13, 2010

  • You mean stay with him because it will ruin his life if you don't stay with him? No...tell him to make it on his own and not depend on anyone else to fix his life for him. He sounds like a loser and it is not your job to make things better. Its HIS job.
    gertie41

    Answer by gertie41 at 10:52 AM on Aug. 13, 2010

  • Stay away ... you didn't ruin his life, he did!
    kaylan010

    Answer by kaylan010 at 10:52 AM on Aug. 13, 2010

  • He ruined his own life & you need to tell him that. You have NOTHING to do with his lack of motivation, that is his own problem he needs to deal with, not yours.

    He is manipulating you, don't let him. He is trying to pull the pity card on you, so that you will feel sorry for him. What you're doing is called TOUGH LOVE. There is nothing in your power to change the way he is, so you have to let him go. He needs to learn on his own how to take care of himself. He is not a child & you are not his mother. Let him go & DON'T LET HIM MAKE YOU FEEL GUILTY! THAT IS MANIPULATION! Please don't allow him to manipulate you!
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 10:52 AM on Aug. 13, 2010

  • He needs to grow up. You stopped giving him everything he wants, thats NOT ruinning his life. He needs to get a job, a place to live and grow up like everyone else has to. This is a lesson he shouldve learned before having kids!
    Aqua_Jen

    Answer by Aqua_Jen at 10:57 AM on Aug. 13, 2010

  • Yeah, he tends to pull the pity card, and it worked before, I just couldn't bare the feeling that that gave me.THinking that. But everytime I try nothing gets better, so i had to leave again it's been a couple weeks, but i'm trying to hang on and stay strong, that why its nice to hear this kind of advice to make me fall back into reality and not fall into he's manipulating arms again. I love him as the father of my kids but i can't live with him anymore he makes me unhappy. These weeks that I've been alone been so peaceful in the house, financial and with the kids it gets hard, but it so worth it. Thanks
    phoenixjuelz

    Answer by phoenixjuelz at 10:59 AM on Aug. 13, 2010

  • You are NOT responsible for "ruining his life." He needs to accept responsibility for his own actions. He's trying to manipulate you.
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 11:00 AM on Aug. 13, 2010

  • He is trying to manipulate you. My ex does the exact same shit, I just take it as a reminder now that I did the right thing leaving him. He is a grown man, he needs to grow up and be responsible.
    kimbob2284

    Answer by kimbob2284 at 11:03 AM on Aug. 13, 2010

  • He's a grown man who obvioulsy didn't learn responsibility before he took the challenge to become a family man. Therefore, he ruined his own life. Do not allow his pity party to affect your dreams and goals for you and the kids. Someone has to keep the focus and it seems as if you are the one.

    If he truely felt that you ruined his life, he would do whatever it took to pick himself up and do what needs to be done to survive for himself. Keep doing you and let go of his hold he's trying to have over you...
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 11:05 AM on Aug. 13, 2010

  • I swear Love is like an addiction or even worse..I know what needs to be done but it seems like I'm always trying to find that simple excuse. I'm so happy for the choice that i made everyday more.
    phoenixjuelz

    Answer by phoenixjuelz at 11:08 AM on Aug. 13, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.

Next question in Relationships
please help me...

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN