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trusting my fiance after suspions of cheating

i've been with my fiance for over 2 years. we've had cheating issuse on his part. i've never caught him actually cheating but things have made me very suspious. the suspions have been done and over for awhile now but i feel like i can't trust hime still. i constantly want to check up behind him on myspace or go through his work phone stuff like that. its like a bad habit i can't break. how do i deal with this?

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newmom2585

Asked by newmom2585 at 11:04 PM on Jun. 29, 2008 in Relationships

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Answers (10)
  • Trust your instincts is all I can say. I've been cheated on and it sucks. If he is doing it before you marry, what about after?
    tburnett1105

    Answer by tburnett1105 at 11:07 PM on Jun. 29, 2008

  • Trust is vital in a marriage. He must earn your trust. If he can't do that then you may want to seek couples counseling and learn to set boundaries. If he isn't willing to devote himself to you completely and foresake all other women then he may not be ready for marriage.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:39 PM on Jun. 29, 2008

  • why dont' you just ask him? may surprise him into giving you an honest answer. and if not, at least he'll know you're worried about these things and maybe he'll do more to reassure you.
    princezzmommie

    Answer by princezzmommie at 11:48 PM on Jun. 29, 2008

  • i can relate, but i wouldn't check behind him... if you want to work things out, then you have to trust him. it's hard ohhh boy is it hard!, but it's like me and my fiancee have been together for 4 years. and i think he wants something else, but i dont go through his things i talk to him, (course i used to) and i hated what i found. but now we talk and if im upset or bothered it helps because i find out what and why and he is honest about it
    enjen

    Answer by enjen at 1:15 AM on Jun. 30, 2008

  • I know how you feel - boy, do I! - and all I can say is if you feed it, it will never go away. You will find ANYTHING and make it into something. My (now) husband and I had trust issues from way back, and I still sometimes struggle with the desire to go through everything he has and check behind him at every turn. But ultimately, trust and confidence is 1000x sexier than insecurity and jealousy. I have to remind myself of that constantly. And besides, I decided a long time ago that if he IS such a scumbag as to go behind my back like that and betray my trust, it'll come out eventually, and until then...it's his problem, not mine.
    EmilySt

    Answer by EmilySt at 11:13 AM on Jun. 30, 2008

  • I always say that if he cheats before you marry then he's more likly to cheat after you marry. Sorry sweetie.

    Now if you have been together and married for years and he cheats then there is a possiblity that he may not do it again. Right now he's not taking your relationship seriously, so I doubt if he will after. You gut intuition is usually right too. If you want to work this out then you have to start trusting him, but if you keep getting that nagginf feeling that he might be cheating, just look into it. Say go to his job for luch and surprise him. No one should get mad or upset that you are surprising them. Especially if he's your fiance.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:35 PM on Jul. 1, 2008

  • Another thing, does he work more then he should? Go out with people from work you don't know? Has his phone off when with you or gets calls he doesn't answer or texts? Affair are mostly done with a co worker. I'd make myself noticed to them all if you haven't already and do go to some of those outings with coworkers from time to time. not all the time but definately once in awhile when he doesn't expect it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:37 PM on Jul. 1, 2008

  • I say once a cheater always a cheater, if he says he loves you and cheats on you BEFORE marriage there is nothing to stop him form doing it now or after.
    momto1727

    Answer by momto1727 at 12:00 PM on Jul. 2, 2008

  • i went through something similar to this when my fiance and i first started dating. he didn't actually cheat on me, but he had a profile on HotOrNot and i found it and read his messages and found out that he had given like 4 girls his number (this was about 2 weeks after we started dating). since then, i'm still wary and don't really trust him all that much, even though it's been almost a year since it happened. he has been (trying)to prove to me that he hasn't done anything since and that he knows he messed up, but that trust is still broken. it takes awhile to get that back, especially if you've been in a lot of relationships where you have been cheated on and betrayed
    Dark_Princess_2

    Answer by Dark_Princess_2 at 3:25 PM on Jul. 3, 2008

  • First off, I almost started crying when I read this because I am going through the EXACT same thing. I have this gut feeling that my guy is doing something wrong and I constantly check his text messages and check out his myspace any chance I get. I always find stuff........I talked to him the other day about meeting new girls on the internet and how its ok in my book for him to do that....well, he didn't see it my way so we broke things off and now he has come around and realizes that i am not worth losing over this but now i still dont trust him and dont think i ever will.....can i get past this? fyi: he doesn't know that i know a lot of things and that i went through his stuff. i dont want to be in a relationship where i feel the need to spy...it makes me feel like i am crazy.
    crazygirl15

    Answer by crazygirl15 at 1:08 AM on Jul. 24, 2008

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