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4 Bumps

how long should I put up with this..?!!

in most of our fights, my husband just manages to find a way to remind me that it's his money which I spend, when we argue he just keeps reminding me that he did that and this for me, like taking us to a family vacation! buying furniture for the house! hiring a cleaner to help around the house!!
he is financially able to do all that, that's why I quit my job to raise our child.
I really cannot put up with that anymore, each time he mentions that, he pushes me away more and more, I cannot take it anymore.
I'm seriously thinking of separating from him, I just cannot take his insults anymore. He take decisions for our family all by himself and just surprise with them, when I try to argue, he says that he's entitles to as he's paying for everything!!!
what would you do?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:37 AM on Aug. 14, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (16)
  • I would get a job so that he could not longer say it is his money you are spending. Men are douchebags..argh
    heidi37217

    Answer by heidi37217 at 6:39 AM on Aug. 14, 2010

  • Your hubby sounds like a real ass. I would leave his ass and take the children with you and tell him you don't need his selfish self. He can pay you child support and then you can have your own life and no one will be shitting on you on a daily basics. GL is there someone in the family or a good friend that will allow you and the kids stay with them till you can get a place of your own and get things rolling in court. He doesn't have to support you but he does need to support the children you and him made together. You may also want to let him know that a FAMILY is a team no just him making all the decisions. The adults make the decisions together.
    raemommy

    Answer by raemommy at 6:46 AM on Aug. 14, 2010

  • I would tell him that financial nurturing of his family is separate to emotionally nurturing his family. When hes lying on his death bed people arn't going to remember the money he spent on them, they will be remembering the love and support he gave them or lack there of.
    lilaclacey

    Answer by lilaclacey at 6:47 AM on Aug. 14, 2010

  • Before I would talk to a lawyer, I would suggest counseling. Not in just relationship counseling but also in financial counseling. There is a great program out there called "Financial Peace University" by Dave Ramsey. There is also a group of Dave Ramsey followers here in Cafemom. I think your husband needs a wake up call that yes he does bring home the money, but your full time job of taking care of his children and your home and your husband is worth money, too. I think there is a way to make him understand without tearing apart your family. Check out the group here on Cafemom and ask this question there. Good luck and keep us posted.

    Joeygoat

    Answer by Joeygoat at 6:47 AM on Aug. 14, 2010

  • i was gonna say talk to him, but would he listen?
    san78

    Answer by san78 at 6:55 AM on Aug. 14, 2010

  • I think some men get this idea that since they, either make the majority of the household income OR make ALL of the household income, that they are entitled to saying that everything is THEIRS and they have full control on how the money is spent. While this is unfair to say, as when you are married, everything earned is shared! You stay at home to take care of the child/children and the home and you DO have a job! Just because you don't receive a paycheck every week/2 wks. doesn't mean that your job is less valuable! Sometimes arguing with a man that has this mind-set is like beating your head against the wall. While leaving him over this is pretty drastic, would he not go to a few counseling sessions w/you? Every marriage is worth saving! Best wishes to you! This sounds more like a power struggle than anything else and once you get that straightened out, you can move forward in your relationship!
    etexmom

    Answer by etexmom at 6:57 AM on Aug. 14, 2010

  • My ex husband was like that. Even after counseling. I would stop for a bit, but then it would start up again. I was not allowed to buy anything for myself and I had to justify any purchase for the kids.
    I got sick of it and I got a job. Not only did he belittle the fact that I made less, he also insisted he worked harder and still refused to help around the house or with the kids. Then it became 'our' money and he still wanted to me to justify every purchase.
    I realized then he was a control freak.
    I left.
    I am now with a man who makes more then I do. I still work, but he helps with everything and I don't have to justify any purchase. THAT took awhile to get used to.
    Your DH is being an ass. If he is willing to go to counseling, go, it is always worth trying (unless he is beating you). If he's not willing, leave him because it won't change.
    layh41407

    Answer by layh41407 at 7:01 AM on Aug. 14, 2010

  • I would go get a job, first. While I was looking for a job I would sit him down, tell him why he is the only one paying the bills. (because you are raising the kids). so you do not have to pay day care coast. Tell him how much money you are saving the family by staying at home with kids. I would tell him his attitued with the money and bills is making you rethink your marriage.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 7:47 AM on Aug. 14, 2010

  • Women like to feel loved and men like to feel admired and respected. Maybe he keeps pointing these things out because he doesn't feel that he is getting that. I'm not saying it is your fault but sometimes when a woman changes the way she speaks to a man, he changes his tune too.
    bjane01

    Answer by bjane01 at 8:11 AM on Aug. 14, 2010

  • When you're in a marriage, it's a partnership. It's wrong that your DH is using money as control. I would try to talk to him about how it makes you feel - has he always been like this?
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 8:43 AM on Aug. 14, 2010

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