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Wedding Reception Questions

DF and I are planning on going to the JP to get married. Just us, our 2 boys, My parents and his mom. And inviting guests to the reception. But family members on my side is at 29 to his 13 and we're not done yet, and we haven't started on friends yet. Etiquette says to keep guests relatively even for both sides so neither feels cheated. Should I start cutting or does it really matter that my family is bigger? And we're planning a morning wedding (on a Wednesday) with a later reception. The majority of our guests would be from out of state, so the time isn't really an issue. Would a dessert-only reception be ok or not? We debated the 7 of us going to a Japanese steakhouse (and tossed the idea). Then we debated Chinese vs. Pot luck reception. DF likes the pot luck because of our barely existent budget. But I'm not too sure about it.


Asked by ExenoRainbow at 9:16 AM on Aug. 14, 2010 in Relationships

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Answers (13)
  • FYI, don't worry about the equal family members thing. That is lame. My family consested of like 4 people while DH's was about 40 people. It's no big deal at all, really. Whoever came up with that has a huge stick up their butt.

    Answer by samurai_chica at 9:49 AM on Aug. 14, 2010

  • My only question is this--if most of your guest are from out of state, how are they going to prepare a dish to bring to the pot luck?

    Answer by layh41407 at 9:19 AM on Aug. 14, 2010

  • I have been married three times so I can tell you that having uneven family members is not an issue unless someone makes it an issue. Asking people to come from out of state for dessert may not be a great idea and potluck would be really hard on them. Can you do a picnic? I did and it was alot cheaper. We rented a pavilion at a local state park and had an out door wedding. The JP came there and did the ceremony. For my daughter's wedding, we made the food and I paid people we knew to serve it buffet style. That also was alot cheaper than catering and I knew the food was good.

    Answer by CorrinaWithrow at 9:26 AM on Aug. 14, 2010

  • My DH's family is huge compared to mine and I had no issue with 2/3 of the guest list being his family. I think the potluck thing is a little tacky, but if your budget is that tight then maybe ask the close family (parents and siblings) and friends to help by preparing dishes and let the rest of the quests out of it.

    Answer by aeneva at 9:26 AM on Aug. 14, 2010

  • >.> I don't like the pot luck either lol, but DF thinks it's a great idea... and so far the only thing he's had much of an opinion on. However I don't mind the idea of making the food myself. I would for the dessert reception. I just have no idea what to make or how much of it. Honestly I didn't realize we had 50+ to invite. Any reception suggestions would be appreciated lol.

    Comment by ExenoRainbow (original poster) at 9:33 AM on Aug. 14, 2010

  • Will it bother the two of YOU if you have more guests than he does? We didn't even talk about this when planning my brother's wedding this summer - we just wanted to keep the wedding PARTY even (he could have had 5-7 groomsmen but she only had 1-2 friends who were able to be bridesmaids). He went ahead and inviited all of his friends and familly, even though she only had a few people who could make it, and we just sat everyone on both sides of the church for the ceremony.

    As for the event itself, I think a potluck would be fine, as long as everyone understands that out-of-town guests won't be able/obligated to being anything. I had an out-of-country JP wedding, so when we came back here we had a very informal reception for my Stateside friends and family, which was a potluck picnic in my (huge) backyard). Since everyone was bringing food, I asked for no gifts, but of course they all brought both lol! :o)


    Answer by FelipesMom at 9:46 AM on Aug. 14, 2010

  • I don't think uneven numbers are a big problem, just seat everyone together. I love the idea of a dessert only reception- cake and coffee! A champagne toast or sparkling grape juice toast, if the budget allows, could be nice. That could be elegant. A potlock would not be elegant, but it is all about what feel you want. Don't feel like there are rules. Just do what feels right.

    Answer by Hazelnutkin at 9:47 AM on Aug. 14, 2010

  • I went to a pot luck wedding reception once & i LOVED it! Some of the more snooty family members looked down their nose at the idea, but once everyone was there, they had a wonderful time & enjoyed everything. It's your wedding, do whatever you want. And if someone doesn't like it, then screw them. They suck for having some kind of expectation as to how YOUR wedding should be.

    Answer by samurai_chica at 9:48 AM on Aug. 14, 2010

  • I don't think the people difference is a problem, especially if one family is larger than the other. If your budget is limited, a really nice cake w/coffee sounds great, maybe a few other things to nibble on. I'm sure your guests will be happy just to have been invited to this happy occasion.

    Answer by MyAngel003 at 10:06 AM on Aug. 14, 2010

  • DH and I were just going to have a cookout and have my dad sign the certificate (he's an ordained minister) - and everyone was asked to bring something (side dish, dessert, etc) instead of gifts. But... DH's mom threw a fit because we needed to have a ceremony (whatever) and we ended up having a small ceremony in the yard :) we're so redneck! We had been planning on having a big ceremony next year when we could afford it...

    Answer by MunchiesMom324 at 10:53 AM on Aug. 14, 2010