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2 Bumps

advice for SO that is mean to me for no apparent reason

i do not think he even likes me
at least that is the way he acts
we have gone to one therapy session, another one in two weeks
he does not communicate well at all with words
I am getting a feeling/instinct that he is acting mean to me to force me to leave
like he can not say he wants out of relationship, so he acts cruel so i have no choice but to leave, therefore it is me that "quit, or gave up" it will be me that ended it
also...MAYBE if i leave then he has advantage in court when it comes to custody?

any thoughts, anyone have a man treat you badly just to find out later that he was doinf it so you were the one that left

 
fiatpax

Asked by fiatpax at 9:45 AM on Aug. 14, 2010 in Relationships

Level 46 (221,572 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • It could very well be he is pushing you out. I know a woman who lived under her baby's dad's roof and he refused to heat the house, hoping to "freeze them out" I have lived with a guy under "His roof" and he was not very nice and one day he had a breaking point and told me and the kids to leave..I told him we are not leaving til I find somewhere to go. He moved us in he was going to wait til he can move us out.
    Men can be jerks and if your guy says he wants you gone then you go ahead and find a place, when you do then leave. Rather then things come to blows and he wants you ASAP
    wheresthewayout

    Answer by wheresthewayout at 11:15 AM on Aug. 14, 2010

  • I had a man do this to me once, however it was when I didn't have kids. Men are juvinile. He treated me like shit and embarassed me in front of his friends. Honestly, I was young and like you it was his house. If I left it would have been either living on the streets or back to my mothers house (which I had too much pride to admit my failed relationship to her). Eventually I took so much that he gave up trying to get me to leave him (He was bored. He wanted to sleep with my best friend.) In the middle of the night he literally kicked me out, then called my bf the next morning crying that I left him and he needed some support, she fell for it. Luckily I knew it was coming and began socking away a little money each week when he didn't notice. Men are scared little bastards that don't want to be seen as the bad guy. Take your kids and leave even if you have to start all over you'll be happier in the end.
    mandy88

    Answer by mandy88 at 10:47 AM on Aug. 14, 2010

  • If you are the one to file for divorce, you have the upper hand in negotiations. I'm so sorry you're going through all of this. Have you spoken with an attorney? They can guide you in the best way to proceed (state laws vary). I would guess they would tell you to get a separation agreement in place, and kick him out.
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 9:53 AM on Aug. 14, 2010

  • I wouldn't leave to start, let him leave if he's so inclined .Once you leave you may never get back in, so don't leave unless YOU want to leave, but then you'd look like you don't want him or care for him. I'd give your therapy a little longer and see if something can come out there. Have you come right out and asked in therapy why he treats you the way he does, bring it out in the open. Ask the therapist a lot of questionsabout what's on your mind, that's what your there for and why your paying him. Good Luck, I'm so sorry your having such a hard time, but I think at some point in our marriages we all have gone through it.
    MyAngel003

    Answer by MyAngel003 at 9:54 AM on Aug. 14, 2010

  • I'm sorry, just realized that you're not married. I think talking to an attorney is still a good idea, many will give you a free consultation to see what your options are.
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 9:54 AM on Aug. 14, 2010

  • we are NOT married
    it is HIS house

    in therapy it came up that recently he saw his old girlfriend
    we have talked about this, for reasons that are long, i said that if he saw her without me, i would leave him
    in therapy it came up that he did a few weeks ago
    therapist said why would you risk her leaving
    he said "he is a grown man and he can do what he wants"
    therapist said that he is a grown man in a relationship, so no he can not do what he wants
    she =therapist also said he should not even speak to her
    therapist asked if he did this to make me leave, he said maybe subconsiously
    nice! made me feel like shit
    fiatpax

    Comment by fiatpax (original poster) at 9:58 AM on Aug. 14, 2010

  • I am so sorry you are going thru this.My SO does the same thing to me sometimes.We've been together for over 13 yrs.He seems to do these things when he is totally stressed out.But...doing things behind your back is not O.K.Going to therapy is a good start.& if he stops going, you keep going.Does he drink or use any type of drug?& don't worry about you looking "bad" for leaving him.You have documentation from the sessions with your therapist.It also sounds to me like he has some sort of resentment going on towards you.Sit him down and tell him how you feel and then ask him if you have done something for him to resent you.Tell him he needs to be completely honest with you because you can't fix something if you don't know what he feels needs to be fixed.Good luck sweetheart.
    bvannkissy

    Answer by bvannkissy at 11:02 AM on Aug. 14, 2010

  • .when men are ordered to do something"you better not see her without me or i am leaving" its like your the mother and hes the rebellious child. dont get me wrong that sucks that he saw her and didnt tell you.so maybe this is your chance to make a decision about what you want out of life. do you plan to marry him and if so will this still be an issue ?how long have you guys been together?if you are just dating now and your dealing with these issues think about the future........good luck
    sunflower39346

    Answer by sunflower39346 at 12:01 PM on Aug. 14, 2010

  • yeah im sorry to hear that but if he wants out i be a b**** & make it official what a jerk you deserve better someone who would treat you better than that but good luck
    Ricanmami1

    Answer by Ricanmami1 at 2:23 PM on Aug. 14, 2010

  • He sounds to me like a guy who feels guilty about something. Like he is cheating on you and then treating you like crap because he feels guilty about it. Men do shit like that all the time. I had a good friend who put up with it for many years, they would go to counseling, she would think things were getting better and then it was back to the same bs. She finally left him.
    SophiaofLight

    Answer by SophiaofLight at 12:34 AM on Aug. 15, 2010

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