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how do I get my 5 year old to stop asking for stuff?

No matter where we go she asks people for stuff. We go to the store she asks the cashier for a sucker. We go to my moms she asks my mom for cookies and asks for stuff to take home ( iknow she is grandma, but still). We go to a friends she asks if she can take a toy home. She asks this older lady (our neighbor) for cookies everytime she sees her. I am trying to teach her to stop asking for things everytime we go some place, but it isn't helping. I think it is because people give her stuff so I think she is a little spoiled by friends and family so that is why she is doing this, but how do I get her to stop? It is imbarrassing at times. Like this lady up the street gave her a popcycle one day (she didn't ask) the lady gave her one so then the other day she coems over and asked if she has any popcycles I told my DD no and then she asks if she has any cookies she says no so then she asks if she has any apples.

 
mommy5409

Asked by mommy5409 at 10:16 AM on Aug. 14, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 25 (22,216 Credits)
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Answers (14)
  • You need to have a talk with the people that are rewarding this behavior and ask them to be a part of your team! Tell them that while you love how generous they are, you are trying to teach her good manners.
    lovinangels

    Answer by lovinangels at 10:20 AM on Aug. 14, 2010

  • i would inform friends and family to please not give her anything if she asks and that you are teaching her that it isnt poliete to ask for things every time you see them. another thing you can do is to step in before the person has a chance to reply and tell her no.
    laura970

    Answer by laura970 at 10:22 AM on Aug. 14, 2010

  • Keep this in mind too... When you are an adult and want something, you have to ask for it. People aren't mind readers and the ones waiting around for a promotion, boy friend, job, ect. Are left still waiting to be noticed when someone else confidently ASK for what they want.

    I read a story here where the child at a Bday party said "I want the biggest piece, please." The mortified dad told him it was rude and the kid said "Well Dad, how else are they going to know?" [hmmm... makes you think]

    With that said, it is not good for a child to get things all the time and needs to learn when and when not to ask. You are the parent and you trump anyone (except sometimes grandma). So if the answer is NO, even if the other person is saying "its okay" you say NO and insist on no cookie or putting the toy back . Have your rules and stick to them with the kids and adults if you have to. (cont)
    Niki_sd

    Answer by Niki_sd at 10:27 AM on Aug. 14, 2010

  • I tell my kids to remember it for Christmas or their birthday, but if we were in the store and they begin asking, they'd not be welcome to keep looking/ playing. I tell them to show me which ones they like and why, but not to ask.
    txdaniella

    Answer by txdaniella at 10:23 AM on Aug. 14, 2010

  • Oh and as for the snacks at someone's home, i think I would teach her that at someone else's home, we wait to be offered something. And that it is good manners to bring something to the hostess, so if she loves cookies, you can bring some to share.
    txdaniella

    Answer by txdaniella at 10:24 AM on Aug. 14, 2010

  • When you are around it will be easier to monitor. If she asks you say NO and insist even if the person asked is allowing it. Especially with toys, this is what I told my kids "The toy is there so that when other kids visit they can play with it to. If the person before her had taken it, then she wouldn't have enjoyed the toy. So we are leaving it here for the next kid and it will be here when you come back next time."
    For food, other adults should respect your wish.

    For the neighbors, ect. You need to tell that that you appreciate that they like your kids and are well intentioned, but that you are trying to teach your daughter 1. not to ask for things all the time 2. good eating habbits

    And last.. .for you.. .NO means NO. If you say NO, stick to it. If you waffle around, then you are not teaching the meaning of NO and you are teaching the child to whine until they can get you to change your mind.

    Niki_sd

    Answer by Niki_sd at 10:33 AM on Aug. 14, 2010

  • Teach her to give. Take her to a soup kitchen to help, have her collect the toys she doesn't play with and the clothes she doesn't wear and take them to a homeless shelter or children's hospital, have her make cards or little crafts for the elderly folks at a nursing home and hand them out. Maybe she can bake cookies for her grandma & the elderly lady and give them the cookies. Carry some stickers in your purse and when she sees another child at the store instruct her to give them a sticker. Take the focus off of what she's getting and make it fun for her to give. Maybe once she sees how much work is put into giving she'll stop asking so much.
    EwansMommy

    Answer by EwansMommy at 10:45 AM on Aug. 14, 2010

  • I did tell her that she needs to stop asking for things and that isn't poliet to ask for things, but she still does it so of course now she has my 2.5 year old doing it.
    mommy5409

    Comment by mommy5409 (original poster) at 10:17 AM on Aug. 14, 2010

  • hmmm... I thought you meant like in the store shopping and I was going to say she's old enough to earn a little money by doing extra chores (like dusting or something) and you could teach her how to save her money up for what she wants to buy... but this one is tricky...
    You might have to ask people to tell her no once in a while.
    I wouldn't be too embarrassed (I know, I know haha) but kids ask people for stuff all the time... they haven't learned to be shy about stuff yet. If a kid asks me for something my answer is always, "only if your mom says its okay"... especially with candy and treats.
    elizabiza

    Answer by elizabiza at 10:21 AM on Aug. 14, 2010

  • You need to implement consequences for this. For example, if she asks the neighbor for a cookie, she gets no TV for 24 hours.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 10:24 AM on Aug. 14, 2010

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