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2 Bumps

What would you do? adult content

I have an SD that has been considering coming to live with us. She hates her step-father. She is forced to watch her siblings when her mother goes to work and the step-father is home watching tv. He takes her phone and goes through all her messages(I think that should only be done by her bio-parents). He torments her about boys (she doesn't even seem interested in them at the moment). Her mother is a complete Bitch, putting it nicely! But how do we know if her life is really as miserable as she makes it out to be? She told DH that she wants tome come here after 8th grade, because all her friends are going to a different HS. But, if she's THAT miserable, why would she want to stay another year? I understand that it's scary going to a new school and make new friends, but what happens when a year goes by and she chickens out? I'm so tired of DH & I wasting energy worrying about her if it's just a game to her?

 
JGRIMMER

Asked by JGRIMMER at 11:45 AM on Aug. 14, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 17 (3,904 Credits)
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Answers (10)
  • well it is her 8th grade that means graduation and everything so she might be thinking that way. or like you say it might be horriblebut not extremly horrible like she is putting it. i thnk yo should tell your hubby to tlak to her and i think it would be good for you to be there with him to just to make sure its ok. let her knwo the rules of your house and how everything will work out. make sure she is positive about commng withyou gus ad not just beign a vacation thing. and it hink its good to start during the beggining of high school. she might just not like her step dad and want to get away from him but not like and extreme thing thats why she might be waiting i hope this makes sence im not sure how to put it into words
    Alejandra10

    Answer by Alejandra10 at 12:06 PM on Aug. 14, 2010

  • Even if she wants to, either her mom has to agree or your going to have to go to court and fight for her. It's not just as easy as "i want to come live with you" and the next week she's unpacking. I would insist that all 4 of you sit down with SD and have a conversation about WHY she wants to move. If she can't say it in front of her mom and you guys, then she doesn't mean it. Because otherwise you're going to ask mom to let her move, mom is going to ask SD why, and SD is going to panic and deny it.
    Pudge_Pie20

    Answer by Pudge_Pie20 at 11:51 AM on Aug. 14, 2010

  • then maybe you guys should sit down with her and have a heart to heart about everything that is going on .and if her mother is up for it sit her down and talk to her about everything as well.the child may just want to finish out the last yr in that school i can understand that .good luck i hope everything works out
    britme1027

    Answer by britme1027 at 11:48 AM on Aug. 14, 2010

  • I would sit her down with her mother and step-father and make her face facts in front of everyone. Ask her how she feels about her current and proposed living situation and see what she says. Give her time to talk (in other words don't let her mom sit there and talk over her with her bitchiness as I'm sure she will try to do) and to express her thoughts. If she really does decide to move then she will have to do this anyhow. If she has valid arguments then she should move NOW, if not then she needs to uck it up and stay.
    Memigen

    Answer by Memigen at 11:55 AM on Aug. 14, 2010

  • i would have a meating woth all 4 parents involved. just to get an idea of whats really going on. i remember being a teenager and i remember exagerating everything that i didnt like! i had to watch my sisters too, but i dodnt jave a step dad there. and really that reaponsibility kept me from going to alot of parties and im sure saved me from trying drugs and getting drunk all the time.
    cassie_m

    Answer by cassie_m at 11:57 AM on Aug. 14, 2010

  • maybe have her try staying over spring break or a holiday. or next summer you could try it out..
    But make it clear to her she is not going to bounce in between the homes to get her way...
    MommaTasha1003

    Answer by MommaTasha1003 at 11:59 AM on Aug. 14, 2010

  • Its a hard thing to be in. I have a sd who also hates living with her mother. But it is impossible to take her from her mother, in Mississippi... even though she lives in a crack house.. its so dumb good luck
    MKSers

    Answer by MKSers at 1:30 PM on Aug. 14, 2010

  • yeah she probably just want to finish her last year there & then live you guys later on but i do hope everything works out for you
    Ricanmami1

    Answer by Ricanmami1 at 2:04 PM on Aug. 14, 2010

  • I am concerned that you think that any thought and concern for her is a waste. She is a very young teenager. She needs to be listened to. Your husband should talk to her mother.
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 6:32 PM on Aug. 14, 2010

  • In response to tootoobusy: No, I'm not saying that at all. I have done many things for SD over the years. Many of those years, all I did was stress when she was with her mother. I finally get passed it and tell myself that she is old enough to exrpress how she feels, and if it was THAT bad, she knows she always has a home with us. I just don't want to waste my son's little years worrying about a teenager that is old enough to make up her mind.
    JGRIMMER

    Comment by JGRIMMER (original poster) at 7:00 PM on Aug. 14, 2010

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