Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

Is there a community for women with spouses going through difficult times?

My husband had surgery in '08 and early this year. His attitude on life - his own and our's together - has changed dramatically. I love him very much and do not want to consider leaving him. However, his depression, anger, and lack of interest in anything anymore is making our lives difficult. He finally went to the doc, is on anti-depressants, but refuses to go to "talk" therapy and is so angry about being on the meds, he refuses to make any changes. I don't know what to do. I am in therapy myself - for reasons having nothing to do with him - and we do talk about how it affects me. I hope there is some group or community out there with women who live with this. It can't just be me!
Thank you


Asked by Mercury525 at 11:58 AM on Aug. 14, 2010 in Relationships

Level 2 (7 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (5)
  • I belong to "Love Your Significant Other". I think some of the posts are like that. Trying to remember WHY we fell in love in the first place and making the task of staying in love a priority in your life especially during the hard times is extremely important. Love is not easy as a lifetime commitment. My spouse was completely floored when he had to face that we would NOT be in the romantic love stage forever. We have faced some really really hard times, and people told me that I should just leave. I remember thinking, "that cant be right?!?"  So I kept looking, and trying, really really hard.  Some days it does not feel worth it, but it really is.

    Depression sucks, a lot. It affects both of you, even if you don't think so.  He may not be open to "talk" therapy right now, but keep trying all your options.  Personally I found a lot of benefit from a marriage class my spouse "made" me go to. 

    Answer by WyndenSkie at 10:48 PM on Aug. 21, 2010

  • If you mean is there a group on cm? there is a depression group. If you click on Groups up at the top next to Answers you can search for groups. The depression group is pretty depressing as you might anticipate.

    It's interesting that you make a point of saying you love him very much. I think this is something to explore. Why did you feel the need to say this? Are you trying to convince yourself? What is love? How can you love a person that's unlovable? Is it okay to not love someone you are "supposed" to love?

    I have a 22 yo son with bipolar disorder. There are periods of times when I love him not so much. There have been periods of times when I have loved all of my children not so much and other times when I have felt full of love for them.


    Answer by Gailll at 12:16 PM on Aug. 14, 2010

  • I think it's ok to not love someone that is being unlovable. It can be healthy to admit to yourself that you are not loving that person so much right now. You may even hate them sometimes.

    I was at the birth of my grandson and it wasn't love at first sight. He was born in Phoenix in the middle of the night during an awful monsoon storm and the doctor almost didn't make it in time. They were short staffed and my DIL had complications. My son is a RN and he was helping the doctor and I was left holding my grandson, I got the first hour or so with him. I was afraid something was wrong with me. Love came at 12 mo and I have overwhelming, I would die for him love. The point is we can't make ourselves love because we are supposed to.  


    Answer by Gailll at 12:29 PM on Aug. 14, 2010

  • I stated that I love my husband because I've been told by others - not here and not my therapist - to just leave him. I can't, at least, not unless it is unavoidable. He isn't unlovable, either. He does have good moments - they are just few and far between right now.
    I'm looking more for a group - on CM if possible - that is for spouses of people with difficulties.
    Thank you both for your comments.

    Comment by Mercury525 (original poster) at 4:30 PM on Aug. 14, 2010

  • look in the "find groups" I am sure you will find a few {{{HUGS}}}

    Answer by Mommy_0f_many at 8:26 AM on Aug. 15, 2010