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4 Bumps

Do I invite a family to my kids birthday parties if the mother told me we can't be friends anymore?

My husband and her husband have beens friends since before they got married. Got together every once in a while to let our kids play together and just mostly talk about parenting. Then, at a party at her home, she ended up confiding in me about some issues she was having in her marriage and with her husband's family. We had a few more intimate conversations before she suddenly changed her interactions with me. I figured she needed time to work some things out in her life, but we checked in every now and again to see how things were. It eventually turned into a one-sided effort on my part, so I asked her if I had done something wrong. That's when she told me that she didn't feel comfortable being friends with me because I had friends and family that talk regularly to her husband's family. So, basically she doesn't trust me to keep my mouth shut. What am I supposed to do with that situation?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:03 PM on Aug. 14, 2010 in Parenting Debate

This question is closed.
Answers (15)
  • If you haven't violated her confidence I would still invite them to the party in an effort to let her know that you do value her friendship. If she really can't trust you I would just leave it alone....
    skittles1108

    Answer by skittles1108 at 2:11 PM on Aug. 14, 2010

  • It sounds like she heard something that you told her from her husband's family. Don't invite her if you didn't gossip her secrets.
    Misteh

    Answer by Misteh at 2:05 PM on Aug. 14, 2010

  • You didn't say that she said you can't be friends. Invite them and keep being nice. Avoid intimate conversations.

    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 2:08 PM on Aug. 14, 2010

  • I didn't have enough room for this...she told me she didn't want her husband's family to know the slightest, mundane thing about her, her kids, or her husband...so basically no friendship. If I was specifically asked 'how is so-and-so doing" I would say something like "oh they just went to the beach, sounded like they had a lot of fun" or "I haven't talked to her in a while". I never blabbed any of her intimate information. I also told her that maybe we could be friends again once the dust settled with her in-laws, but she just got quiet and laughed nervously when I mentioned I might see her at the next kids birthday party. I was absolutely understanding and didn't get angry. I don't want to make it a big deal, but it does leave some questions on how to handle certain situations, especially if our husbands still get together to do stuff.
    NaturalMomma219

    Answer by NaturalMomma219 at 2:22 PM on Aug. 14, 2010

  • if your husband is still friends with her husband, I think it would be hard not to invite them, but at the same time it would be uncomfortable to have her there after what she said to you. I wouldnt invite her if it was for me and I will tell my husband why if he asked me.

    mommy_sam

    Answer by mommy_sam at 2:08 PM on Aug. 14, 2010

  • Why would she think this unless you said something to a family member about her business and it got back to her. GL
    If you did not say anything you will have to reassure her...Until u know the truth I wouldn't invite if u have nothing hide go ahead and invite her (them) GL
    Butterfly1108

    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 2:11 PM on Aug. 14, 2010

  • let's just put it this way...it's the memories YOU will have....call me a bitch but I didn't even invite DH's family to our daughters FIRST birthday!! Too much drama, they can't stand each other half the time and I'll be damned if someone is going to ruin my daughter's first birthday. My DH didnt' even want them there. don't care how they feel, it's our daughter and our memories. They're not invited to her 2nd one either.
    calliesmommie

    Answer by calliesmommie at 8:12 PM on Aug. 14, 2010

  • This--You didn't say that she said you can't be friends. Invite them and keep being nice. Avoid intimate conversations.
    itsallabtthem84

    Answer by itsallabtthem84 at 2:09 PM on Aug. 14, 2010

  • Just because you two aren't friends doesn't mean your kids or husbands can't be. I'm not friends with most of dh friends SO or my dd's parents. That doesn't mean I wouldn't invite them to parties. It's not all about you. Not trying to be offensive just honest.
    hot-mama86

    Answer by hot-mama86 at 9:12 PM on Aug. 14, 2010

  • If she truly can trust you, tell her so, and leave it at that. Let her know that you understand, and if she at any point feels comfortable confiding in you, she can trust you. In the meantime, you can still invite them to birthday parties and such.
    LovingSAHMommy

    Answer by LovingSAHMommy at 9:47 PM on Aug. 14, 2010

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