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What to do when he brings back bad memories...

I was sexually molested when I was a kid and terrible memories are always flashing back and giving me mood swings.I'm so sick of it, I would be in a great mood then...I would remember.It was awful, I felt so helpless.Sometimes my husband and I would be having a great time in bed, and he would forcefully (jokingly) make a sexual move and I would remember.It totally pisses me off. My husband thinks I'm becoming distant and is wondering whats up. If I tell him, he'll just always feel bad for me...I can't take pity especially from him.I just cant. What should I do? I feel so alone..


Asked by Anonymous at 1:49 AM on Oct. 7, 2008 in Relationships

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Answers (5)
  • i know how you feel, certain things trigger me too and i end up running away and hiding.
    it's best to talk but like you, i just won't. Though i am guessing the above poster does not have triggers. PTSS, it happens to people who go to war and to victims of abuse, you can't "get over it". Something that horrible, especially as a kid...that had a huge part in the person you are now.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:18 AM on Oct. 7, 2008

  • You NEED to tell him. Bottling it up isn't doing you any good.

    Consider some counseling and tell someone else if you won't tell him. But TELL SOMEONE.

    Answer by gdiamante at 1:50 AM on Oct. 7, 2008

  • You and your husband need counseling!!! A good counselor will help you work thru your feelings and also help your husband understand what you went thru and how to behave towards you while you work thru this and then hopefully you both will be stronger for it. Don't you love this group??!!!

    Answer by ethan0530 at 2:23 AM on Oct. 7, 2008

  • I'd hate to put it this way, as a victim myself. you just have to get over it.
    I know there are people who can, and cant.
    Same idea as out husbands who go to war, and then come home to us. they have to get over what they saw so they can live there lives. its harsh, and it sucks. but its your husband not the man who assaulted you.

    I am saying this to you, becuase its what helped me. years of whining about that ONE assualt. Someone finally looked at me and said, "Get over yourself"...have ever since

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:34 AM on Oct. 7, 2008

  • i went threw that and i went to counseling. they told me i was suffering from post traumatic stress. triggers can be others talking about certain things, sounds, sight and certain sex positions. i've came out and told my husband what will trigger memories so he does not do any of those and if i feel that im dwelling on it a lot i can tell that my moods get down real fast. dont do this to yourself. if you cant afford counseling check out some books about healing from molestation/rape. they helped me realize why i re-acted to certain things the way i did. if you need to talk please write me cause i still go threw what your talking about sometimes and a lot more but not enough room or time to write sorry you go threw this

    Answer by marykaysauer at 11:56 AM on Oct. 7, 2008