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anyone having trouble dealing with the fact that there husband or bf isn't excited about the baby? or at least doesnt seem to be how do u deal with it?

I tried to have a baby with my boyfriend for seven months this is his first baby and my second baby. He wanted to have a baby so bad and had tried with someone else before only to have it not happen. after all the trouble we have had trying to conceive we finally got pregnant and are able to live together now and he seems like he doesnt even want me around and he seems like this baby was an accident or something, like its a bad thing instead of a blessing. He doesn't ever want to talk about the baby, the only way he mentions it is if i bring it up he never brings it up himself. never wants to go over baby names, read the books, go look at baby stuff, talk about him or her, ponder whether its a boy or a girl, touch my stomach, or talk to the baby. im 14 weeks pregnant and i don't think i can deal with his negative attitude anymore and to top it off his family hates me and no one has mentioned the baby not even congrats to me

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rockabell2003

Asked by rockabell2003 at 10:00 AM on Aug. 15, 2010 in Pregnancy

Level 5 (68 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • I would talk to him about, and let him know how you feel. Ask what happened to wanting to have a baby and now it seems like he wants nothing to do with it. Talk to him about it calmly and that you want to understand why he feels the way he does and shows no interest in the baby when before he was wanting one. It could be stress at work or something, you won't find out till you ask.

    Best Of Luck
    DesertRose75

    Answer by DesertRose75 at 10:05 AM on Aug. 15, 2010

  • the frustrating thing is i have sat down with him and tried to talk to him about it and he says he is excited and does want the baby, but it's like he is basically all talk no action i don't understand why if you were excited it wouldn't come off that way. he has barely told anyone i feel like he wants to keep it a big secret and now that im pregnant he wants nothing to do with me and just wishes i and the whole situation would disappear. he says he loves me and the baby but i get the feeling he doesnt love either of us.
    rockabell2003

    Comment by rockabell2003 (original poster) at 10:08 AM on Aug. 15, 2010

  • thats why smart people marry people and get to know them BEFORE having kids with them
    Wakarimasen

    Answer by Wakarimasen at 10:11 AM on Aug. 15, 2010

  • I am really sorry to hear that, sweetie! It sounds as if he is getting scared. I know my husband was really scared at very specific points in all 4 of our kids' lives. Some men relish the pregnancy, but get the cold feet in the first few years of life. Hopefully your bf is dispaying fear in the early stage, but may warm up to it as time goes on. The family may be cold because this is not a "marital" situation. Many families will still have issues there.

    Try not to bug him too much about his lack of enthusiasm. That will probably just drive a deeper wedge between you. Display your own enthusiasm, invite him to everything that happens, but let him process his feelings in his own time. I had to listen to my husband blow off steam about his fears and issues with early childhood, but even he knew he would be more comfortable as the kids became kids, not babies. I had to stuff my own anger at his anger, and just listen.
    WyndenSkie

    Answer by WyndenSkie at 10:14 AM on Aug. 15, 2010

  • I am not a dumb person, we have been together a while, we both just don't want to get married to each other
    rockabell2003

    Comment by rockabell2003 (original poster) at 10:17 AM on Aug. 15, 2010

  • Me and my husband found out we were expecting on our 4yr "dating" anniversay, before we were married. First thing out of his mouth was "abortion" I said no way. Went to a dr, was told I had a chemical pregnancy cuz I was having some bleeding. 4mths later, I felt flutters. I was still preggo and didnt know it. He wasnt THRILLED, neither was I. Once we told friends and family, we started to get excited. That baby boy is now 2, and my husband BREATHES him. He kicks himself for not wanting to have him, and he cannot imagine life without him. Once your bf sees the baby-maybe on ultrasound, or maybe when the baby is born, hopefully things will change. It could just be cold feet.
    Auntiemom410

    Answer by Auntiemom410 at 10:36 AM on Aug. 15, 2010


  • I think without the bonds of marriage, (and it being so easy for divorce) that he has too much free reign to second guess his decision. I hope for your sake he changed his mind. Maybe he is just having a hard time believing that it is finally happening. Wishing the best for you.
    lizpiz

    Answer by lizpiz at 10:45 AM on Aug. 15, 2010

  • Ignore the negative comments. A piece of paper (marriage license) does not mean you magically know each other better, and those people have no idea what kind of relationship you guys have. Now onto the question. I think there is a possibility that your boyfriend is afraid. He has had such a hard time conceiving in the past and has had many negative experiences with it. Now that it happened he may still be in a state of shock or afraid something will still go wrong. Plus he's never had a baby like you, so this all very new and frightening for him. Talk to him honestly. Tell him how you feel and ask him if he regrets getting pregnant or is just scared. And be prepared to deal with either answer. If he is afraid, helping him make a list of concerns and questions he has and taking him to a dr appointment so he can talk to the dr and have his questions and concerns addressed may help. Good luck, I hope he comes around
    frat_twin_mama

    Answer by frat_twin_mama at 12:01 PM on Aug. 15, 2010

  • so you dont want to get married but having a kid is fine?
    Wakarimasen

    Answer by Wakarimasen at 12:24 PM on Aug. 15, 2010

  • Nobody has to be married in order to have children i love kids and am a good mom so i see no reason for me to not have children like i want to just because im not married, i do not believe in marriage.
    rockabell2003

    Comment by rockabell2003 (original poster) at 3:17 PM on Aug. 15, 2010

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