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I'm so torn.. have you been in my position?

I am just so torn right now. I pushed my husband away because of my insecurities. He begins a relationship with someone else and now I believe it's over. When he was trying to be there I pushed him away. That's what triggered him to cheat. I never had a man love me and he did and I messed it up. I want to make our marriage work like I realized its not just him but its me too. I don't know what to do, I feel like a total asshole because I should let him be with her but I feel we can try if we work together. I love him so much and it really sucks to see him with someone else. Why couldn't I see this before? I'm calling him and he's not answering my calls. I instant message him and poured my heart to him and he didn't reply yet. He told me no matter what he will always love me. I really hope I can save this marriage and we can start it off right. I from the bottom of my heart love him dearly and I can't let him go...

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devinebeauty

Asked by devinebeauty at 12:48 PM on Aug. 15, 2010 in Relationships

Level 10 (398 Credits)
Answers (19)
  • first off you didnt drive him to cheat. Don't blame yourself. I think maybe you should get help for yourself and get rid of that cheating loser.
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 12:50 PM on Aug. 15, 2010

  • No I feel it is my fault! I made him feel like shit. The horrible things I've said to him tore him up inside. I had a good man
    devinebeauty

    Comment by devinebeauty (original poster) at 12:52 PM on Aug. 15, 2010

  • You still didnt do it, he could have been there for you and try to help you but no he ran with his tail tucked between his legs. ITS NOT YOUR FAULT. I think you need time to focus on yourself and get past what ever issues you may have. You married for better or for worse and your hubby didnt stick by you. I call that a shitty husband.
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 12:54 PM on Aug. 15, 2010

  • Yeah...I don't buy what the PP said, mainly because that is female thinking, not male thinking. Men will try and fix a problem and get shut down only for so long before they give up. I think you should work on your insecurities and issues through therapy and become comfortable with yourself, the real you, before you attempt another relationship with anyone, especially him.
    Fistandantalus

    Answer by Fistandantalus at 12:57 PM on Aug. 15, 2010

  • just tell him the truth tell him how you feel and want to work things out theres only so much you can do. ive pushed and pushed my SO away and hes never cheated he understands that i dont mean to, and he still loves me. it shouldn't matter how far you have pushed him away he should of never cheated. you guys should sit down and make sure he wants it to work. you need to open up to him i know it maybe hard but wright it in a letter text anything. i wright my SO letters all the time when something is on my mind its easer for me to do it that way. let him know that you love him and want to be with him that no matter what your there for him. its not just you it had to be both of you remember hes the one that decided he wanted to cheat even tho you feel you pushed him to cheat you didn't. dont be so hard on your self he should understand and be caring and he should also know when u push him away is when you need him the most
    liljess09

    Answer by liljess09 at 12:59 PM on Aug. 15, 2010

  • just keep your head up and take a deep breath.
    liljess09

    Answer by liljess09 at 12:59 PM on Aug. 15, 2010

  • so fistandantalus are you saying it's the OPs fault that her man cheated? The PP said it's not your fault and you said you dont buy what the PP said.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:59 PM on Aug. 15, 2010

  • While I'm with a lot of people on here as far as you didn't make him cheat, I also agree with you as far as pushing him away definitely spurred the cheating. However the physical act...not you. I know a lot of people on here are very opinionated about cheating, and more than likely most haven't been in your shoes. He shouldn't have cheated, yes, but does that make him a terrible person, maybe not. I'm not going to call him anything. I think you two can work it out. I don't think cheating is ok by any means, but I know that pushing people away is wrong too. You should go to counseling for yourself, whether or not the marraige will work. There are some issues you need to address before you can be a good wife. Then you two should go to counseling together and have a professional help you two sort out your problems. In order to have a successful relationship you need to be secure with yourself. If this truly is what you want, do
    Pumelo

    Answer by Pumelo at 1:03 PM on Aug. 15, 2010

  • then commit 100 percent to making yourself happy and then making the marraige work. It might not, and you might have to accept that. Both of you did things that are reasons people get divorced. If you can forgive him, then he can forgive you. I wish you the best of luck.
    Pumelo

    Answer by Pumelo at 1:05 PM on Aug. 15, 2010

  • Oh and my credentials, for anyone wanting to bomb me for saying its mutual faulting...been there, done that.
    Pumelo

    Answer by Pumelo at 1:05 PM on Aug. 15, 2010

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