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I've forgiven or I'm trying to forgive my husband for an affair he had while I was pregnant. I love him and I'm one who believes once you've forgiven someone you need to fully forgive them and not keep throwing it up. My problem is, is that I'm still angry and hurt. I need to find away to get out my anger and hurt constructively without bringing the subject up over and over again. I need to get my anger and hurt out in a way that will help me. Any advice?

This affair was short lived and it's out of my husband's character to do something like this. It's over and I'm not overly worried about it happening again. He's apologized over and over and swears he doesn't know what he was thinking or what he was going through.

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ajones052904

Asked by ajones052904 at 10:15 AM on Oct. 7, 2008 in Relationships

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Answers (9)
  • Good luck with that. If I was in your position, his ass would be kicked to the curb! I understand the whole forgiveness thing, but not only did he cheat on you..he did it while you were PREGNANT! As for him telling you that he doesn't know what he was thinking and going through when he did it? Why do guys always use that lame excuse? Seriously though, why would you want to stay with someone that obviously h as zero respect for you and your child? (This is all JMO)
    Dark_Princess_2

    Answer by Dark_Princess_2 at 10:18 AM on Oct. 7, 2008

  • Ya know.... I understand the fact that you dont want to bring it up over and over again.... but you wont be able to completely forgive him until you talk this through. So you will need to bring it up. Tell him that you just want to talk about it... dont do the blaming or yelling. just talk about this.... He knows he did something wrong and hurtful..
    BabyBugsmama

    Answer by BabyBugsmama at 10:29 AM on Oct. 7, 2008

  • Couseling, you have to work through this together. If he truly is sorry he will be willing to go through counseling so that you can see why he did it. If you dont find out, it could happen again. tell him to put his money where his mouth is. If he wants to save your marriage, he will do whatever it takes. You have evry right to feel like that. I have a friend who forgave her hubby and it has become a pattern of him cheating now. Take care. I hope this helps.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:29 AM on Oct. 7, 2008

  • I would suggest going to a marriage counselor. Now that that has been said. I wouldnt be so nice about this situation. who the h*ll doest that? You were at home pregnant with HIS child. and he was out messing around with another woman?? WTF? There is absolutely NO WAY I would be able to "just get over it" if i could get over it at all. You dont deserve that. And i know that if it were me, every time id look at my hubby.( if he ever did this) I would always think about what a dog he was and what a cheat he is. sorry its mo...
    BabyBugsmama

    Answer by BabyBugsmama at 10:29 AM on Oct. 7, 2008

  • You know I say this now but it has never happened to me, but for the sake of our child I would do whatever I could to try to make it work like counseling might be the first step.
    christian0425

    Answer by christian0425 at 11:06 AM on Oct. 7, 2008

  • I was in a similar situation... I thought I had forgiven him, but I had not...infidelity is really hard to get over it. Everytime he goes out with his friends, I would worry that he's with another woman. I was constantly calling him whenever I have this "anxiety attack". If his phone is off, then I would get really upset, assuming he's doing it. It got to a point where we would have fights everyday. We got so tire - he was tired of me checking him every minutes; me, tired of checking on him. Basically, I was sufficating both of us. I don't recall exactly what stopped me, but I stopped checking him - I gave him his spaces - I don't ask him where and/or who. When he's out, I call my friends and we would have ladies night out. Mens are funny, when you want them, they distance themself, when you ignore them, they come to you...
    I still do sometimes, but it
    plsadvanna

    Answer by plsadvanna at 12:11 PM on Oct. 7, 2008

  • (con't from prv.post)...
    I still gets those anxiety attacks sometimes, but I realized that I have a life, I cannot just be his shadow and follow him everywhere. I want to live my life - he'll come around if the love is real. He just better hope it's not too late... As for you, you have to ask yourself, "how much can I accept?" Talk to him, let him know what is bothering you. I

    One of my good friend once told me a secret, she said, "Love is infinite".
    plsadvanna

    Answer by plsadvanna at 12:21 PM on Oct. 7, 2008

  • i was in the exact same situation. actually i still am. my husband cheated on me once and promised he would never do it again, then about 3 months later he did it again...i got pregnant and he swore he wasn cheating and he loved me so much and then i found out he was cheating on me with more than one girl..i thought it was so out of the way he is too but i was wrong...he cheated on me for three years and most of the time i dint even kno..he cheated on me the whole time i was pregnant....now we are back together and i constantly throw it in his face becasue i am not only extremly hurt i am pissed...i dont know how to forgive him and quite honestly i dont know if i ever can or if we can ever be happy again..if you wanna be my chat buddy add me it would be good to talk to someone in a similaur sitiuation
    KYLEESMOMMY445

    Answer by KYLEESMOMMY445 at 4:39 PM on Oct. 7, 2008

  • I have been there too, but I wasn't preggo. It was really out of his character too, and I don't think he would do it again. That was 4 yrs ago. I think you can forgive, but men just don't understand that you never, ever forget. It will always be in the back of your mind. I have started to trust my hubby again, but every now and again if he comes home late or something along those lines that nagging thought will creep back in...it's really hard. Good luck and maybe if you just can't seem to make any progress with forgivness counceling would be in order.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:17 AM on Oct. 8, 2008

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