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Are his Japanese culture and laws the reason for his behavior? I figured politics would be a better folder to put this under than relationships to get this kind of info...

Do any of you know any facts about Japanese culture? Do men there reallyhave a right to hurt their wives if they disrepect them and it is just a part of how they are taught?

I am American (African American) and my dh is Japanese. We live here, but he is very proud of his culture as I am of mine. We raise our children with both. I have no issues with him being the head of the house or having the final say so in all decisions and everything. But when he gets upset or feels as though I have disrespected/embarassed him, he does punish me. Whether it be screaming and scaring the crap out of me/reducing me to tears or physical when it is all said and done and it comes up the next day it is always "that is just how I was always taught in my country. I'm sorry, but life could be much easier if you stayed in your place. "
No this is not an all the time thing just in the case when I "step out of my place into his"...

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:28 PM on Aug. 15, 2010 in Politics & Current Events

This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • Next time step your foot up his ass! It doesn't matter culturally or not it is against the law. We call it domestic violence. He puts his hands on you again you call the police and send his happy ass packing. Japan even has anti domestic violence laws! Do not let him make you think this is normal and his cultural right because it is not. Think of your children... you are putting them at risk for either being victims, losing their mother, or becoming abusers themselves.

    You need to really think of what can happen and choose not to be a victim!
    Crissy1213

    Answer by Crissy1213 at 7:41 PM on Aug. 15, 2010

  • No way in hell. Culture or not that behaviour is outrageous and NOT ok.

    momof030404

    Answer by momof030404 at 7:33 PM on Aug. 15, 2010

  • It is not OK. He is abusive.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 7:36 PM on Aug. 15, 2010

  • Tell him "well, we live in the USA so our culture here is "lay a hand on me or threaten my safety, we call the POLICE and that would really upset your clients!" NOT ACCEPTABLE. Go to a marriage counselor and he needs a therapist to deal with his angar issues. And DON"T go back with him & the children to VISIT his country either! Watch that movie "Not without my daughter" with Sally Field, and you will know why. Good Luck & if you have family close, I hope to can go to them for support if you need it.
    ILovemyPaulie

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 7:45 PM on Aug. 15, 2010

  • From what I read Japan just recently (in 2001) put laws in place to help victims but they are not that great. The man is fined and kicked out of the house for 2 weeks... It still doesn't say that domestic violence is actually a crime...

    All that aside, I am with a Japanese man so I understand wanting to respect his culture, but your ranks over his culture.
    BriHan06

    Answer by BriHan06 at 7:51 PM on Aug. 15, 2010

  • I am married to a man from a different culture, also. It is not Japanese but they do feel the same way, although in recent years it is not as common as it used to be, but regardless of his culture, he respects our laws here and he says he loves me and could never hit me. I believe he will do this as long as you allow it, using his culture is a cop out, I understand how men from different cultures like you guilt you into alot of things because we are here and they are so far from home, for that I give in to my hubby alot because I do understand....your hubby is going above and beyond. Please dont let him to continue to punish you, you are not his child, you are his wife, his equal, to stand by his side.
    Nicoju2

    Answer by Nicoju2 at 7:52 PM on Aug. 15, 2010

  • I wish it was as easy as putting it in politics to get a different answer. I was married to an abuser, thats how I know about this stuff. I was married for 12 years. Sure we had different upbringings and different personalitites. He was involved with the union and politics there. I cant tell you the number of nights he came home so stressed out from the union meetings and just ready to take it out on me. Did I do anything to deserve that? No, I had saved him dinner and the kids where in bed. There is always an excuse for an abuser to use violence, verbal and or physical. It gets to the point of walking on egg shells on a dailly basis. Never knowing when he is going to snap, never knowing what you have did that he views you as, "stepping out of your place". There are many good dv groups here in cm, check out the directory and join one. Never an excuse for abuse....
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:47 PM on Aug. 15, 2010

  • I'd ask someone who was also raised in Japan if this is something that is generally taught in families. I have a friend whose daughter married a Japanese man. He was born and raised here but his family held to a lot of the customs/traditions from Japan. When his father died, my friend sent a card and flowers. That started a HUGE problem. Apparently he had been taught that it was customary for everyone to give the widow around $100.00 and he was HIGHLY insulted that they hadn't done this. He refused to have anything to do with them as a result and their daughter had to pretty much sneak in order to even call them. She sees and talks to her parents when she wants to now (that was all some time ago) but he still refuses to have anything to do with them. Whether or not this was a cultural thing or just the way his family did things, I don't know. It can be hard to tell the difference between culture and a familial tradition
    meriana

    Answer by meriana at 7:51 PM on Aug. 15, 2010

  • Sorry, that guy is abusive. I don't care if the man is the boss in Japan. You should not be subjected to that abuse by anyone.
    itsmesteph11

    Answer by itsmesteph11 at 7:50 PM on Aug. 15, 2010

  • Oh and my bf says that it didn't used to be a big deal but hell no, is it okay there now.
    BriHan06

    Answer by BriHan06 at 7:53 PM on Aug. 15, 2010