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my 10 month old baby girl will not let anybody hold her except me her daddy and my parents! some people can not even look at her!! its getting to the point that people thinks shes alittle brat! please help me?

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mandy625310

Asked by mandy625310 at 11:38 AM on Oct. 7, 2008 in Babies (0-12 months)

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Answers (10)
  • My little one went thru a phase like this at 8 months. I have been told its completely a phase. I guess at 10 months they are learning trust vs mistrust, on who they should and shouldnt be fearful of. With my daughter we tried to be really concious of what our facial expressions were around different people because babies tend to pick up on that as well.
    jessdamian77

    Answer by jessdamian77 at 11:44 AM on Oct. 7, 2008

  • Children that age are developing the awareness that they are, in fact, separate and distinct from their "people." It's a very normal age for separation anxiety to set in, as well as 'stranger anxiety.' It's a phase and the best way to get through it is to assure her the people she knows and trusts are there for her. If you have to leave her or have someone else hold her, you talk in calm, soothing tones. When you come back you state the obvious "See, mommy came back." People that think an infant is a brat because she doesn't want people outside her 'norm' to hold her or stay with her while the ones she knows leaves, are people with unrealistic expectations for a 10 month old.
    ldmrmom

    Answer by ldmrmom at 11:49 AM on Oct. 7, 2008

  • we have people in and out of our house all the time, my sisters, and her other grandparents come over all the time, and i try to sit her down and play with these people as a group but she wants nothing to do with anyone, even if i am right there talking to her. she hurts ther feelings cuz she screams like this terrified scream.. i dont understand. i bring her out to the store with me, and we go over diffrent peoples houses every so often, but nothing seems to work. its like she hates everybody??
    mandy625310

    Answer by mandy625310 at 12:02 PM on Oct. 7, 2008

  • ive tryed diffrent things like letting her see me kugging or kissing these people so she sees that its ok... but still nothing, people say that maybe i spoil her or that i need to just give her to them and let her cry it out, but i cant..its not a normal cry, she seems terrified, and she is mine to comfert and pertect.. she need to know im here to meet her needs...i dont want to just give her to someone..even if i trust them and just let her scream, wont that scare her more and make it worse! is their any stratigies i can try?? im desperate, she will be 1 soon, and a birthday party isent gana be much fun for her if shes scared of everyone?? please help
    mandy625310

    Answer by mandy625310 at 12:02 PM on Oct. 7, 2008

  • It's a normal stage of development and IS NOT indicating your child is a "brat". It means your child is starting to recognize the bond she has with people she's close to and that other people are strangers, sort of. She will grow out of it and you need to be patient and loving so she develops a sense of security.
    dsteiner23

    Answer by dsteiner23 at 12:17 PM on Oct. 7, 2008

  • Mine was the same way :) Dont worry. Let people think he is a brat. She doesnt trust strangers and that is a good thing. My daughter didnt like her daddy lol. But went to me her nana and aunt. then i moved and she now loves her daddy and is starting to like people but WILL not go near them unless i HUG them
    ryanlynn

    Answer by ryanlynn at 12:47 PM on Oct. 7, 2008

  • The best strategy is to build her confidence by being there to meet her needs. You're not spoiling her. You teaching her she can trust you. It is a phase all babies go through and they all come out just fine on the other end. really. My kids are now age 6 and 4. My youngest is very outgoing but she too went through a big phase of "only mommy and grandma" will do. Even Daddy was sometimes not good enough. We worked with her. If I was there or my mom - then we took care of her. If for some reason neither of us could be with her, we left her with someone we knew and we knew she got over her upset fairly quickly. In time, she outgrew it. It does take time though. Both of mine started around 10 months old and outgrew it closer to their 2nd birthday. It peaked around 15 months and was gone around 22. My oldest is more shy and refused to talk to adults he did not know until this past summer.
    ldmrmom

    Answer by ldmrmom at 12:57 PM on Oct. 7, 2008

  • Oh, about the birthday - keep in mind that first birthday parties are not for the birthday girl usually. It's more about the grown-ups. DS's 1st birthday party was kept to a few family members and three other kids. There were a total of 10 adults and 4 kids in our backyard. And DS was overwhelmed enough to cry most of the time after refusing to nap prior to the guests arriving. We did a similar sized party for DD's first birthday and she was in her glory. Don't worry about the big to-do or even the medium-sized to do. Have a 1st birthday party that is right for your child. Some kids are best with just a slice of cake to smush and mom and dad to watch.
    ldmrmom

    Answer by ldmrmom at 12:59 PM on Oct. 7, 2008

  • My lil one is about 9 mos old now & is the sam way. I hate when my family say it's because I spoil her. What I do is hold her & talk to the person/people around me w/o letting them touch her, not evenher hands unless I know she is ok w/ it. I visit my brother every 2wks & just let her sit on my lap while I talk to him, his wife or the kids. It took about a month or so of visits w/o them trying to hold her but just talk to her for her to get used to them. Now they can hold her but for a short amount of time, she's still not totally in love w/ them lol! Just take your time & let ppl know ahead of time that your child doesn't like to be picked up so they have to be patient w/her. She'll let u know when she's ready to be a social butterfly.
    MJSMOMMA

    Answer by MJSMOMMA at 4:26 PM on Oct. 7, 2008

  • thank you all soooooooo much!
    mandy625310

    Answer by mandy625310 at 10:42 AM on Oct. 15, 2008

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