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2 Bumps

Anybody who has had a miscarriage..

How do you ease the heartache?

I found out I was pregnant friday, started spotting brown on saturday & thought it was just the blood left from implantation then woke up this morning with an intense lower backache, abdominal pain, heavy bleeding & huge blood clots. Went to the hospital & found out I'm having a miscarriage. My heart is crushed & I don't even know how to deal with this kind of pain. I feel like it's my fault even though the doctors told me it isn't. I wanted this baby so bad even if it wasn't planned & was a big surprise. This has really hit me very hard & if anybody can give me suggestions on easing the pain, I'd appreciate it more than you could ever know.

Answer Question
 
Marix3

Asked by Marix3 at 9:18 PM on Aug. 15, 2010 in Pregnancy

Level 14 (1,755 Credits)
Answers (15)
  • I wish I could help but I miscarried three years ago and still cry almost every night. Im so sorry for your loss.
    pinkebabii

    Answer by pinkebabii at 9:21 PM on Aug. 15, 2010

  • I threw myself into work and we went about trying to have another one. I also named him Bryan in my head and have a little spot for him, even though I was only eight weeks and we didn't know for sure what the baby was.

    It gets better when the next one comes a long.
    lovinangels

    Answer by lovinangels at 9:21 PM on Aug. 15, 2010

  • I had a miscarriage with an unplanned pregnancy. I was young, so I just told myself everything happens for a reason. Now I have a loving husband, two great children, and a wonderful life. I would never tell anyone who has miscarried anyhting but "sorry for your loss", but you asked. The reason I say that is because there isn't anything a person can say that makes it better. You will find peace with it in your own time and way.
    Good luck in healing your heart and soul.
    dancinintherain

    Answer by dancinintherain at 9:23 PM on Aug. 15, 2010

  • I am so sorry for your loss. I have been through it and it is very hard. Just know that the pain does ease over time. There are groups on here for support, I am sure. Also, I became pregnant four months after my miscarriage and everything went well.
    LittleWeloosMom

    Answer by LittleWeloosMom at 9:23 PM on Aug. 15, 2010

  • It takes time.. I lost my 3 over 3 years ago.. i still get sad when i think about my 3 Babies.. one of the things that helped me a lot was to give them all names and record their birth dates... I made a little scrapbook page for each one with their sonogram pics in them. One of them i did not have a pic of, but i still made a page for the baby. ((hugs))
    EveMomToThree

    Answer by EveMomToThree at 9:25 PM on Aug. 15, 2010

  • Write down what you feel. I got a notebook and wrote the horrible dreams and guilty feelings down. I also held my daughter, just a few months old at the time. Feeling her warmth and heartbeat reminded me I had a live child to care for. I still get sad when I see a kid a year younger than Kyra since that's how old the second baby would have been.
    Don't block or push away your guilt or sadness. Just tell yourself why you shouldn't feel that way when the feelings come.
    It does get better. It never goes away but it gets bearable. I hope you feel better soon.
    Kiwismommy19

    Answer by Kiwismommy19 at 9:27 PM on Aug. 15, 2010

  • It really does take time. I've lost three over a period of about 15 months and I still break down and cry now and then. It gets a little easier as I try to focus my energy on being a good mom to the one I have, a good wife, improving at my photography and music, loving the people around me as much as possible and trying to count my blessings in general.

    *hugs* I'm so sorry you're going through this. Take plenty of time to yourself over the next week or so and get lots of rest. You are loved!
    EwansMommy

    Answer by EwansMommy at 9:50 PM on Aug. 15, 2010

  • I am so sorry for your loss. I myself had a miscarriage at 11.5 weeks this last month. I hope that physically you are starting to feel better. Your question is how to ease the pain. That's a tough one. I think the only way that we ease pain is to fully embrace it. Allow yourself to feel the extent of your loss. Cry, mourn, be sad, be whatever you feel. Allow yourself to just feel whatever you feel at the moment. I think we can't ease pain but we can face it head on. Losing a baby is truly a sad thing. Find some ways to honor the baby. For us that meant buying a little willow tree figure that it's on our shelf to remind us of the baby. Try to rejoice for the brief moment that you knew of the baby that was growing inside of you. For those moments, that child knew love from you.
    mamahertz

    Answer by mamahertz at 9:52 PM on Aug. 15, 2010

  • I've had two miscarraiges. One at 14 weeks and one at 10. It's traumatic and frustrating, even if not planned. I wasn't even contemplating kids until I got pregnant, then it was the most exciting thing in the world, and then it was gone. I personally just started working on all those things that I wanted to do before I had kids, now that I was realizing that it was a reality soon enough. That was my way of coping. For the pain, I ended up in the hospital the first one because I passed out due to pain (and I have an insanely high pain tolerance) They gave me demyrol (however it is spelled) then on my second one I was prescribed a few vicodin. Hot pads/showers/baths did me no good, and Ibuprofen was worthless. (as well as naproxen, acetmenophen....etc) Good luck hun and I wish you the best. We all feel for you!
    Pumelo

    Answer by Pumelo at 10:04 PM on Aug. 15, 2010

  • Thank you ladies so much & I'm so sorry for all of your losses<3 This pain is a pain that nobody should ever have to endure.
    Marix3

    Comment by Marix3 (original poster) at 10:16 PM on Aug. 15, 2010

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