Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

7 Bumps

When your adult daughter is pulling away from you what do you do?

We have been close and it is sad but I guess I just have to let go and just leave her alone. She's married and has a 2 yr old son. He's controling her manipulateing her and I am just have to walk away from that and hope that she will be ok. she's in her 20's . How do you just let go. It seems easy for her. But when they want some thing them they will call me. to baby sit and to do something for them. What do you moms think I should do?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:29 AM on Aug. 16, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (15)
  • Hi there! I am not sure but here is a bump Momma! GL! <3
    Glamourina

    Answer by Glamourina at 3:56 AM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • I'm sorry. My daughter is only three but I already get sad thinking of the day she'll not "need" me anymore. Of course a child always needs their mama, but they grow up and get involved in their own lives and distance themselves a little. As long as you know she is okay and that she is happy there isn't much you can do. Maybe give her a call and let her know you miss her and would like to see her and your grandchild. Good luck to you. I know it must be hard. ((Hugs))
    LittleWeloosMom

    Answer by LittleWeloosMom at 4:01 AM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • Let your DD know how you feel. You do have to allow her to live her own life and be a momma herself, also believe in yourself that you showed your DD how to a good momma so just have faith and everything will work out in the end. My Mom went though the same thing your going though right know but I moved 3 hours away and she only sees us every few weeks.
    raemommy

    Answer by raemommy at 4:14 AM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • She still needs you Mama, just on a more adult level right now. I know it is hard but you can have a good relationship with her but on more of a friendship level. Try your best to not give advice unless it is asked. If she needs you to step in she will let you know Mama. Give her some space. Don't guilt her or lecture her because she will view it as YOU being the one who is manipulative. I know how hard it is to stand back and let her be her own person but that is what we have to do. No matter how old we get, we always need our parents on some level. Hang in there and try a new level of parenting and friendship with your daughter. BIG HUGS
    pnwmom

    Answer by pnwmom at 4:42 AM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • Be there for her always and climb those walls that she puts up anyway you know how, just because she is an adult with a life of her own does not mean you stop parenting, it is just a different kind of parenting.
    older

    Answer by older at 9:11 AM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • If you continue to make yourself available to her, she will come to see that you are really her friend. You will be keeping the doors of communication open with her. There are seasons of friendship with your children, just as there are with all your other friends. People grow by learning life's lessons the hard way. It would be wonderful if our children really listened to us and learned from the mistakes that we have made and told them about. Unfortunately, that is simply not the way it works. They have to learn for themselves. When you have the opportunity to point out things to her, you should go ahead and do that, but you should not expect that she will hear and implement your suggestions, at least not immediately. If you believe in the power of prayer and the God of prayer, I would definitely spend some time there on behalf of your child's seeing the truth.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:12 AM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • Yep, be available when she calls. Hope someday things turn around.
    tasches

    Answer by tasches at 7:59 PM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • I'd have a little heart to heart. Tell her you love her and love to baby sit, but you feel she's not very close to you any more and it just hurts more than makes you mad. If she can ask you to babysit, she can be honest, ask her if you've said or done something to bother her, see if that gets her started. Most likely it should be just you & your DD if you want a good talk. I know some times when they walk away, and they stop being ard a lot, or calling or talking, not to worry you, but it's an emotional abuse, so I'd definately talk w/her. Been there, done that. May end up physical.
    MyAngel003

    Answer by MyAngel003 at 11:37 AM on Aug. 18, 2010

  • my daughter's 19 and although not married, etc., i went through somthing similar when she moved out. she was making some really bad choices and i would hear from her only when she wanted something. i helped when it was comfortable and convenient for me and experienced her being nasty when i refused or could not. eventually i just told her one day that it would be nice if i would hear from her just to say hi once in a while instead of only when she needed something and that i expected her to treat me more respectfully. i was surprised to receive a sincere apology the very next day... we go through stages once in a while where she starts this again, but i don't let it get to me. she has to learn like everyone else. she gets mad when i express my opinion more than she wants. invite her to talk to you about her relationship but don't push or she may shut you out.
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 2:14 PM on Aug. 18, 2010

  • I have a daughter that is 19 almost 20 and we thought we had lost her period. She went off the college and came back almost a total stranger. Thinks she knows everything and no one can tell her different. We decided to let her find out on her own that contrary to her belief that although we are 50 and 51 we do happen to know what we are talking about. She lied to us for months about something and probably never would have own up to it if someone else hadn't let the truth out. Only thing I can suggest to you is to keep on loving her. When her car broke down, we let her know that she's responsible for getting it fixed and paying rent because that's what grown up do, they pay their own way. And no, she may not use my car. We do supply her with transportation do and from work, one of our sons takes her and picks her up on his way to and from his job. And far as her wanting to go to the clubs or shopping, ask her friends,
    debnich501960

    Answer by debnich501960 at 1:11 PM on Aug. 19, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.