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Need help!! Know I may get some bashing so not even going to say no bashing please!!

Daughter is in YDC. Saturday we went down & saw her for a hr. After our hr me & my husband both agreed that she hasnt learned anything ! My daughter was placed in YDC after the judge has given her chance & chance again to straighten up. Needs to learn that the world doesnt revolve around her & certain behavior is unaccpetable. I need her to realize that my work as assisted me these past two weeks to be able to go see her but if the judge places her down there longer that I am not going to be able to get off. I want to go but I dont! I want to see her but I want her to realize that i cant always jump when she wants me to. I have two other kids. I love my daughter! My question is will I be doing her more harm if I didnt go see her tonight or will you think she will get it that if she is sentenced to YDC that I cant always drop what I am doing & stop my job to run down there & see her. Tough love?

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Aleciawalton

Asked by Aleciawalton at 1:36 PM on Oct. 7, 2008 in Tweens (9-12)

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Answers (20)
  • I dont think the YDC will do her any good..She will probably be worse when she gets out.(Like me),,
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 1:42 PM on Oct. 7, 2008

  • Please from experience.... do not go see her! She needs to learn that doing wrong she is not rewarded. Sometimes being tough love is the best, she is still at an age where she can change and learn you do not want her to go down the wrong path and not being able to help her at all because the choice she made was to bad! Good Luck... this is my input! I have been there done this and I am glad my family had tough love on me and had no sympathy it has made me who i am today!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:44 PM on Oct. 7, 2008

  • Thank you for that last answer! It breaks my heart for her to be there but I know she is at an age where she can be guided down the right path! Just never had to do this tough love thing before and it is hurting me!
    Aleciawalton

    Answer by Aleciawalton at 1:50 PM on Oct. 7, 2008

  • i totally agree not going to see her isnt not loving her. She chose to behave in a certain way and no SHE has to reap the consequences and she needs to know that her actions are her responsibility. She may not get it right away but you have your life to live and you have your own actions to take and your own responsibility's and you would be setting a good example to let her know that you are still taking care of your business. Best of luck thats a very tough thing to go through.
    Rysana

    Answer by Rysana at 2:24 PM on Oct. 7, 2008

  • She needs to learn that she made a mistake and she needs to get the help. She also needs to realize that mommy doesn't always have to be there and that mom needs to take care of the other children as well. Maybe if you don't go she will learn her lesson.
    jessicamelia83

    Answer by jessicamelia83 at 2:46 PM on Oct. 7, 2008

  • By chance what did your daughter do to be put in YDC???
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 3:49 PM on Oct. 7, 2008

  • My I ask what an 9-11 year old could do that was so bad? I am not bashing just asking. But I don't think not going to see her will help she needs to know that you will be there for her no matter what. I do not know you whole situation so I could be wrong. I just can't even imanage not seeing my daughter no matter what she did.

    kristie190

    Answer by kristie190 at 3:50 PM on Oct. 7, 2008

  • i wouldn't go see her. It would show her that she doesn't run the show in the family and that there are consequences for actions. I was in YDC and i learned the hard way that i wasn't as smart as i thought I was. yeah, I admit i did learn some things that i probably wouldn't if i hadn't been there but it was my decision to act on those things or not.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:58 PM on Oct. 7, 2008

  • As hard as it is seeing her in there she needs to learn there are consequences to her actions. She knows you love her even though she may not act like and hopefully this time away will teach her to make better choices.
    sammiesmom2000

    Answer by sammiesmom2000 at 4:02 PM on Oct. 7, 2008

  • My daughter has been in front of the judge since she was 10. Her charges arrange from Destrucion of property, to unruly child, to obstruction of an officef, assualt on a teacher and student, criminal tresspassin, etc. We have tried a placement home, conseling, meds, probation, living with my mom for a year, etc. Now that she is 12 she is old enough to go to YDC. The judge was hoping she would learn her lesson and placed her there for 2 weeks. We go back in front of the judge tomorrow and after Saturdays visit me nor husband feel or see that the has learned her lesson. She is NOT the only person in this world that matters and nor is certain behavior acceptable! I love my daughter so much and I just dont want her to continue down this path because she will end up in jail and possibly prision!
    Aleciawalton

    Answer by Aleciawalton at 4:13 PM on Oct. 7, 2008

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