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3 Bumps

I am so depressed when I should be happy.

I am 34 weeks pregnant. My mom was diagnosed with triple negative brest cancer the same week I found out I was pregnant, so I have never really focused just on my pregnany. This has been a crazy and emotionally draining year. My mom is almost finished with the cancer journey so now it is time to focus on baby and his big debuet. I have been so excited about being a mom, but I out of no where I started having these thoughts that I am not going to be a good mother, and that my husband doesn't love me or find me attractive anymore. I have always been a happy person. I cry all the time, my husband and I fight all the time. I miss my body and I feel horrible because I have had a great pregnany but I am ready for it to be over. Is this normal, or could I be at risk for depression after I have my son?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:56 AM on Aug. 16, 2010 in Health

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • I'm so sorry! That sounds like you have a lot on your plate. From what I've read online I've heard that it's normal to have depression while you're pregnant, especially when you have to deal with something like your mom having cancer. I've also heard that worries of not being a good mother and your husband not finding you attractive are common (I hope so cause I worried about that too). However having said all of this, I heard you should also tell your OB/GYN that you are feeling depressed they could give you something to help now, but being depressed during your pregnancy does put you at a higher risk to have post-partum depression.

    I personally think that if you worry you're not going to be a good mother it shows that you're already on your way to becoming a good mother because you are worried about whether or not you're going to do good enough for your child. I hope things start to look up for you!
    MamaSarah1104

    Answer by MamaSarah1104 at 11:02 AM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • You could be at risk, but pregnancy is a very emotional and often irrational time too. So after you have the baby, just be very conscious about your emotions. If you have a hard time bonding, or you out of control after the first few weeks, then let you dr know right away so that you can be put on something to help you through so you can enjoy your new baby and stay healthy. There's no shame in it, it's all about hormones, nothing to do with the quality of person you are. I'm sorry you've had a rough year and that you haven't been able to enjoy your pregnancy. I also think it's very normal to want it over about 34wks.... I sure did! Hang in there and big hugs!
    AshleyBDG

    Answer by AshleyBDG at 11:02 AM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • Explain all of this to your Dr and tell him your concerns for after the baby comes. Be proactive and get your support sytem built up around you. Talk to your DH and let him know your fears. Talk about the fights you have been having. I hope they are related to the fact that pregnancy is an emotional time and not other problems that you two have. GL
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 11:04 AM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • It sound like you're really stressed out more than depressed. With your mom being sick, and believe me that is enough to stress out anyone. If I were you, this is what I would do "FOR NOW". I would just relax, and not worry about your husband or your mom until your baby is born. This way you would be able to focus on your relationship. I say this because I too went through the exact same thing when I was carrying my son. We have to deal with a lot of emotions when carrying a child, and piling more problems on top of that could send you into labor and delivery too soon, and you don't want that. Take a deep breath, and just relax. Your mom is doing better right? She's almost done with her cancer journey so this should tell you that she'll be fine, but focus on "YOU" and your baby. I will tell you this, if you don't get a hold on your stress it will lead to depression, and you really don't need that right now. Good luck!
    ambr2006

    Answer by ambr2006 at 11:06 AM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • That's a lot to take on all at once. Your emotions must be a constant roller coaster. I would talk with your OB GYN or midwife. I had some emotional proplems during my first pregnancy, and my midwife recommended some support groups and helped with post pregnancy dep. The key is to be open and communicate what you need and feel. Good Luck!!
    wishing4twins

    Answer by wishing4twins at 11:15 AM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • It might be mostly nerves. I got that way about 8 weeks before Kasey was born, nothing ever felt right or was good enough including me, I thought I was going to screw him up somehow. I felt like this until it was time to push him out, even swore I wouldn't deliver him until i was ready lol. Just take some deep breaths and try to find out exactly why you don't feel like you're good enough. And you might have postpartum, however are you just finding the time to focus on things besides when your mom has to go to the drs and test results, if so you could just be dealing with everything for the first time.
    babyblujems

    Answer by babyblujems at 11:17 AM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • well it can be the hormones & of course your going to have your moods but it would all work out your probably feel fat & not loved but after you have you baby you can excersize & i bet your husband love you with all his heart & im sorry to hear about your mom with her cancer & ibet you look beautiful & are glowing you will be ok just hang in there take it easy & just do the best you can to be the great mom
    Ricanmami1

    Answer by Ricanmami1 at 11:17 AM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • I call this a "Double Whammy." First off being pregnant makes the hormones spiral out of control, coupled with your "Moms" illness which would make anyone fearful and hopeful all at the same time. I hope she is strong willed and you sound like a real caring daughter and showed you were there for her to help her through it all. Having been supportive to her shows real caring so she didn't have to go through it alone. And last, fighting with your husband doesn't help you or the baby. He should be understanding to you because it is not only affecting you but your unborn child. As far as after the pregnancy, if you've gone through all this, you are a stronger person for all you have already accomplished or are about to accomplish.
    CafeMochaMom1

    Answer by CafeMochaMom1 at 11:30 AM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • Thank you all soooooo much!!!! Just reading the encouraging comments has made me feel better. I think I may have just felt so alone. My poor husband has been on over-drive since all of this began. I was working as a vet tech and ended up leaving my job because of the dangers and so I could be my mom's chemo buddy. He has doubled his hours at work and even picked up odd jobs on the side to earn money, plus the everyday stuff at the house and my honey-do list. He has been amazing! I think because he is always busy he doesn't have time for himself or to miss me, and I miss him something terrible! I think I am going to go away for a weekend and give both of us personal space and some time to relax. He will object at first, but I think it could be good for us. Thank you all again!!!!

    Conley639

    Answer by Conley639 at 12:07 PM on Aug. 16, 2010