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3 Bumps

How would you take this?

so after several attempts to work things out, he tells me he is done with our relationship and that he wants space. He feels that if its been a month & he couldn't get past my blow up about his mother in front of my DD. He does not see a future so I asked I don't want any mixed signals here this is 12 yrs you want space or is this definite. He wouldn't answer me but said that there are too many issues in our relationship. He can never see me getting along with his mother.

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jenlesly

Asked by jenlesly at 11:42 AM on Aug. 16, 2010 in Relationships

Level 6 (110 Credits)
Answers (15)
  • what does his mother have to do with YOUR marriage. he didnt marry her he married YOU. sounds to me like he has some serious maturing to do. have you guys tried marriage counceling?
    sati769leigh

    Answer by sati769leigh at 11:46 AM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • Yeah well I understand. I was at this point with my husband. I just made the effort to grow and mature and understand that his mother will be a force in our life. So now I am fine with her. I deal with her when I have to and with grace and dignity. The thing I figured out before I made him choose between me and his mother was this ... how could she be all bad if she made the man I love.
    Worked out for me. So if you really want to make it work, then go on and mend the relationship with his mother. Take her out to lunch talk to her find a common ground. If it does not work out with him then at the very least you know you made the effort. No regrets.
    mmmegan38

    Answer by mmmegan38 at 11:46 AM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • let him have the space...he'll figure it out. in the meantime you can figure things out and maybe it'll work maybe it won't.
    calliesmommie

    Answer by calliesmommie at 11:46 AM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • I hope it all works out for you. I don't really get along with my SO mother right now but it's mine and his relationship. She has no part of it. I think it just might be his excuse to get out. I'm sorry.
    Tab2

    Answer by Tab2 at 11:47 AM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • i think that maybe there are more issues here...he is just letting the issue regarding you with the mother take the fall for it all. I'm sure its more something to do with him. Has he been seeing someone else, possibly?
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 11:47 AM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • Sometimes the MIL (or future) can be a dealbreaker. My MIL and I had a lot of issues in the beginning and it took years for us to work through them. There's still parts of me that get really irritated at some of the things she says and does, but it's far better than the way things used to be. But he could be right, if you can't get past the issues you have, then the relationship might not be worth saving.

    DH had to have a lot of conversations with his mother. He finally got her to understand that I was not a horrible person and that he was going to be with me whether she liked it or not. She eventually apologized for the way she had treated me.
    thatgirl70

    Answer by thatgirl70 at 11:47 AM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • My best advice is, when they ask for space, give it to them. Don't crowd. They will miss you, if you leave them alone.
    lovinangels

    Answer by lovinangels at 11:48 AM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • if he uis actually saying to you that his you getting along with his mom is a deal breaker, well you are being told its done. soprry but he sounds like he wants out. Take care of you and your dd and find a guy who isnt more into his mother than his partner. Honestly? thats not a man, thats a child. you deserve better.
    Bearsjen

    Answer by Bearsjen at 11:49 AM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • I think that this has more to do with your relationship with his mother, it sounds like he is using that as an excuse to finally end things. Give him space, move out (or have him move) and get on with your life. If he can't answer that direct question he doesn't want to stay.
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 11:50 AM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • yeah its possible that he doesn't want to be the one to say its over. it does sound like his mom is an excuse. This should be something that you two could work on and overcome.
    Walker101

    Answer by Walker101 at 11:57 AM on Aug. 16, 2010

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