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2 Bumps

step moms I just gotta ask...

This is an honest question because I'm confused as a bio mom. I see a lot of groups here for SM and not all but a lot of them just complain about their situation..being a SM. My confusion is that it's not like they didn't know the situation. The guy they like is divorced, he's got kids, bio mom is still in their lives...Most of the women have dated the guy before getting married(I assume) so it's not like they didn't know the situation. Communication should always be key in dating so there should be no surprises. I mean didn't you all know what was in store for you? I don't get it...why are step moms so angry so much? I think they have no one to blame but themselves if they don't like the arrangement. Do SM just not realize what they are in for? Didn't date long enough? Did hubby really not clue you in?
Please try not to be angry at me for asking I want to get beyond any anger and really understand.

Answer Question
 
cattiesmom78

Asked by cattiesmom78 at 12:36 PM on Aug. 16, 2010 in Relationships

Level 8 (237 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • I think it is because so much is out of thier control. Also they can't really open up about too much to their SO because they may take offense and it may cause too much of a ruffle. Maybe this is the only place they feel free to open up about how they truly feel.
    Memigen

    Answer by Memigen at 12:38 PM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • well my sd was an angel when she was younger..her bio has serious issues and it now in prison thank goodness and her rights have been terminated bc of the things she has done..but now that my sd has gotten older she has a few disorders that she inherited that have come to play..and i must say my life has been a living ----...but now that we have gotten her diagnosed and everything hopefully she will be getting the serious help she needs..i am praying when she returns home she will be the person and child that i loved years before...her mom has really burned her and she blames all the wrong ppl for it...so no i didnt know what i was going into with my sd bc no-one knew she had underlying mental issues that she got from her mother and they only show up around 8-9yrs old and continue from there..other than that my sd is a wonderful person
    jorjiegirl

    Answer by jorjiegirl at 12:43 PM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • I am divorced with 4 kids. My husband is casually dating someone who i like alot. I want him to be happy and we want the best for each other. However i have recently been diagnosed with cancer and my ex has had to take on a ton more responsibility with the kids. We had 50/50 but now its like 80/20, me with the 20. ALso since I can't see the kids as much and they are young most of my updates come from my ex so we spend a lot of time on the phone. If I was his new girlfriend I would try to be understanding but I'm sure there is some jealousy on her end with the amount of time is being taken away from her. Even though my ex and I would never get back together I could see his girlfriend being insecure. But you are right. You should understand what you are getting into before marrying a guy with children. SOmetimes the ex wife is psycho and you just have to deal with it. that doesn't mean you shouldn't get involved .
    JenSzat

    Answer by JenSzat at 12:59 PM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • Well I know personally with my situation everything started out great, I got along with my husbands ex for the sake of his children, but when she found out I was pregnant she stopped playing nice. I have continued to be the "adult" in the situation, however his ex has started taking it out on their kids, as in not letting them come over to visit if I am home. Shes taking her feelings out on them and has turned the kids into "pawns" in her little game. It is hard being a step mother, just as there is no guidebook to being a mother there isnt one for being a step mother either. It is constantly akward, and even though I really dont care for his ex I bite my tongue and smile like a fool when she is around for the kids. It doesnt matter what our feelings are, its the best interest of the children that matters! Being a Bio mom with a step mom in the picture maybe you can shed some light as to why some women act like this?
    SavannasMommy09

    Answer by SavannasMommy09 at 1:25 PM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • I think that most don't look at the big picture for all that being a SM entails.

    zbee

    Answer by zbee at 3:05 PM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • i 100% agree with zbee. im a step mom and i dont have any negative feelings toward my step daughter mom but for whatever reason she doesnt like me. honestly, i do not care. the only thing i care about is my dh being a father to their child and making sure he takes care of her as much as he can. if he was a dead beat to her i would not be with him. when you marry a guy with kids you expect one of these two scenarios: A- he pays cs and is involved with the kids or B- he is a dead beat and barely does the miminum for the kids. when i see SM's whining about child support, i figure those are the women who want the men to be deadbeats to the previous kids. i dont care what bio mom does with c.s etc as long as SD is taken care of to the max. dont let these bitter step moms get to you and dont apologize for asking a question.
    3xangel

    Answer by 3xangel at 7:47 PM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • Sometimes (a lot on CM) the BM doesn't want the SM to know anything about the children or have anything to do with the children. I was a SM until I adopted my son. The groups allow a SM to vent about the BM being a psycho, not paying attention to her kids, not calling her kids. Or sometimes they are complaining about the BM not allowing visits because she thinks she is a better parent or because she thinks she can still control the father by using the children. My son's BM was very neglectful and didn't want anything to do with him, she was more interested in men than her son. I was the "evil SM" and had my husband go after full custody. He won. My son's bio-dads wife (technically SM but, not really because my hubby adopted my son) is decent enough but, I don't put a lot of energy in knowing her, her hubby doesn't put much effort into my son. Yes, he has the opportunity and the means. Either way, SMs need to vent about BMs too
    matthewscandi

    Answer by matthewscandi at 8:46 PM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • And sometimes they want to complain about the children because them BM has poisoned them against the SM for whatever reason and they treat the SM like trash.
    matthewscandi

    Answer by matthewscandi at 8:47 PM on Aug. 16, 2010

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