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how much info should I give my 10 year old daughter about my recently diagnose brain cancer?

She knows I had surgery and knows I have a tumor but she doesn't know its actually cancer so she thinks its just an illnes that I will recover from soon.

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JenSzat

Asked by JenSzat at 1:18 PM on Aug. 16, 2010 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 3 (13 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • Lets' see,what stage and grade is it?? message me we will talk.
    dancer

    Answer by dancer at 1:20 PM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • I would probably seek counseling for that one. You don't want her spending her days worrying that you might die, but you don't want her to be in the dark either. If it were me, I would probably see a therapist and see what they recommend. The truth is always best, but I guess it all depends on your prognosis.
    JGRIMMER

    Answer by JGRIMMER at 1:21 PM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • Get as much information (hard facts) as you can before you sit her down and scare the hell out of her. You never know, it MAY be something that can be fixed for you. They may be able to remove the cancerous parts and through chemo or something you may go into remission. Do you know all the facts yet yourself?

    Make sure everything is set in stone before you talk to her fully. That way you know you are giving her the 100% truth of the matter and the case with YOU. You may be around for a long, long, long time (and I truly hope you are) to embarrass and love her for years to come! :)

    Make sure you don't jump into it and give her info that may be too much to handle or which may not be relative to your cancer.

    Good luck!
    Memigen

    Answer by Memigen at 1:21 PM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • My tumor is grade2/3 mixed glioma and currently inoperable due to location. They want to start me on chemo and radiation and may down the line do surgery. They gave ma a prognosis of 5-7 years. I know that miracles happen and new treatments are being worked on but I am also a very realistic person. I would never tell her the expected time I have left and I definately don't want her to end up dwelling on this everyday. Sometimes I think she knows enough to know that its serious so maybe thats all I should tell her right now.
    JenSzat

    Comment by JenSzat (original poster) at 1:29 PM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • First off, I am very sorry for your health condition. Cancer is never an easy subject with children. At 10 yrs old, I think she should know, but I'm not sure about the extent to it. If she does know, and deals with it as time goes on, I'm sorry to say this, but later on down the road, it might be a little bit easier on her if something does happen to you, not that it was a complete shock. I would ask for a meeting with her school counselor, WITHOUT your daughter, and ask him/her what you should do, if you should see a psych with your daughter, or if the school counselor can give advise, and help her and you. Good luck!
    Hartbrayka

    Answer by Hartbrayka at 1:40 PM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • I would probably seek counseling for that one. You don't want her spending her days worrying that you might die, but you don't want her to be in the dark either. If it were me, I would probably see a therapist and see what they recommend. The truth is always best, but I guess it all depends on your prognosis.
    I agree with this person.
    dancinintherain

    Answer by dancinintherain at 1:55 PM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • my doctor said to tell her the truth but he didn't go into detail as to how far into detail I should go. Maybe I will contact the school couselor to see what they reccommend.
    JenSzat

    Comment by JenSzat (original poster) at 1:58 PM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • I think I would tell her that you have a tumor and you will be getting chemo and radiation to try to get rid of it. Down the road you can discuss more as you know how treatment is going. I would also look at the different brain tumor associations online for resources. I just Googled "brain tumor associations" to try to remind myself of the one who helped my cousin, but there are several. I wish all the best for you and am so sorry you are facing this. hug
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 3:47 PM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • Just be careful.
    She is probably figuring things out without you even telling her.
    I know I was this way with my Mom's breast cancer.
    Now just be kind and careful with what you tell her.
    She will love you none the less no matter what you say.
    newathis918

    Answer by newathis918 at 12:21 PM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • Tell her half truths, there is really no need to make her suffer, if I were you I would make a video explaining it all and giving advice for when you are not around, what a hard thing to do, I know. Do all you can do to make whatever time you have a memorable one, no need to dwell on what is to come, enjoy life now as if it was your last day. One day at a time.
    older

    Answer by older at 2:04 PM on Aug. 17, 2010

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