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Do you think it would be wrong to ask my ex-stepdaughter to not talk about her dad in my house?

My ex-stepdaughter, 18, wants to stay the night with me this weekend. Her dad and I split back in May. The woman that I suspected had a hand in our divorce, which was finalized in June, and him instantly started dating. As with any divorce it has been pretty rough and I'm finally in a place where I am getting happy with life and enjoying my time with my kids. I know if she comes over and starts to talk about her dad and his gf its going to put me back in a bad place and tick me off. I don't want to feel like that. Do you think it would be rude for me to ask her that if she does come over I don't want to discuss the divorce, her dad or his girlfriend??

 
Walker101

Asked by Walker101 at 2:39 PM on Aug. 16, 2010 in Relationships

Level 13 (1,211 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • I think if you go about it in a NICE way then it's not rude. Maybe explain to her beforehand that you are not in a place where you are ready to hear about him and his new girlfriend - but that you care for her and want her to come over. Or something like that. Just explain your feelings and be nice without making it a big deal.
    Blubuni99

    Answer by Blubuni99 at 2:42 PM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • I think you need to phrase it to her in a way she understands its about you & your desire not to hear details rather than her not being allowed to talk about her dad all weekend. @ 18 she should be mature enough to understand how painful breakups can be & respectful enough not to share unwanted details. Ask her to please refrain from mentioning him vs telling her you won't allow her to talk about him.
    Nyx7

    Answer by Nyx7 at 2:41 PM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • If she says anything, I'd tell her you'd rather not talk about it. I wouldn't bring it up beforehand.
    dmdblleb

    Answer by dmdblleb at 2:41 PM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • She's not 5, she's 18. And since she wants to stay over to your place I assume you two have a good relationship. So no, I don't think it would be wrong to ask her not to do it. But I wouldn't say anything out of the blue. I would ask her not to do it if she actually did it once. GL
    pipermomofash

    Answer by pipermomofash at 2:44 PM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • you may not like my answer but it is the honest truth........


    Sounds like something my mom would have done. It is hard to hear... maybe you could simply direct the conversation in another direction. But to restrict what a child talks about makes that child really not want to be around. Dont make her feel like she has to walk on eggshells around you so you wont get your feelings hurt or she simply will start to avoid you.


    My mom is a pita when it comes to the whole divorce thing... made my wedding an issue, made my kids events issues, etc. 25+ years later and she still says snide things. No wonder I do things with other members of the family more than her... SHE created that issue.

    sahlady

    Answer by sahlady at 2:42 PM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • depends on the maturity of this 18 yr old girl
    my ex step daughter could have handled this request, in fact she was mature enough to most likely not bring 'him' up on her own
    you could mention that you are very happy to still have a relationship with her and approach it that way
    that you and her have relationship and it has nothing to do with her father and your ex

    tread lightly though!

    if she mentions him, try to have no reaction and change subject quickly
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 2:42 PM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • I think it will all be in how you phrase it to her, but no I dont' think it's rude and she's certainly old enough to understand. Like the pp said, asking her not to mention him because it's painful and awkard for you vs you giving an ultimatum about it. But you should also try to be understanding if she does slip up and mention him - he is her dad and part of her life.
    canadianmom1974

    Answer by canadianmom1974 at 2:45 PM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • MAYBE this girl will be mature enough to NOT talk about her Dad. AT age 18, I am thinking she will be kind enough to avoid that topic. But if she does, just change the subject and try to be calm and polite.
    gertie41

    Answer by gertie41 at 2:46 PM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • I don't think it's rude, you're just trying to protect your feelings and you are being quite honest with the way you feel..you're just not quite ready to talk about him right now, May is not that long ago. I am sorry about your divorce. If she wants to spend time with you, I am assuming you two were close. I would tell her that you understand that her father has moved on and that you are okay with it, but you are still hurt over the events that took place and the ending of your marriage. Ask her if she would mind limiting the topic of conversations about her father while in your house; at least for now and that you're simply not ready to hear about his life. Good luck, hugs.

    LuvmyFam6

    Answer by LuvmyFam6 at 2:46 PM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • I think it depends on how you approch it. If you guys still have a good relationship, which I am guessing you do since she is still a part of your life, then a mature adult conversation where you gently request that she not talk about Dad would be fine.

    Something, like, I know you love your Dad honey, but could we please not discuss him. should be fine. At, 18, she should understand and respect this. HOWEVER, if you go about it wrong and in anger, you will alliante her as well.
    Maureen-MD

    Answer by Maureen-MD at 2:49 PM on Aug. 16, 2010

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