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how to do the "talk"... !

When is the right age? should you wait for ur kid to ask to just talk to them when they turn a certain age...
Also, how to go about it..?? how can you communicate with kids without sounding dirty or gross??

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 2:46 PM on Oct. 7, 2008 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (8)
  • It's only as dirty or gross as you make it out to be. I don't think there is a right age, just a right moment. And if one hasn't arisen before puberty, I think it is important to do the talk then. I know a girl who got pregnant at age 12 without any idea that what she and her 12 year old boyfriend were doing was sex or could get your pregnant. Not talking to kids about it can have serious consequences. Books can be a great starting point, check out a few of the books about talking to kids about sex in your local library and use the one that resonates best with your viewpoints as a starting point. Make sure to leave it open-ended for questions, this should be an on-going conversation not a one-time talk.

    Answer by riotgrrl at 2:52 PM on Oct. 7, 2008

  • I always chose the opportune moments when the conversation turned to something related to the subject. I found that my children were always open to hearing what I had to say when the conversation just sort of naturally went in theat direction. Also, I think they liked it better in small doses rather than in the one "big" talk.

    Answer by NannyB. at 2:58 PM on Oct. 7, 2008

  • I think you should start talking when their bodies start changing. If your refering to the "birds and the bees" as being the "big talk", I think it should follow the talk about how and when their bodies are going to change, because the purpose of your body changing is so that your able to have babies. I was really open with my oldest, we watched a live birth on Discovery Health, and I told her how much it hurt to have a baby. I told her that someday, she was going to fall in love with someone and want to make a baby, but if he really loved her too, he wouldn't want to make her have a baby because it hurt so bad! We'll expand on this talk when she get's a little older, she was 11 when we had "the talk" and I will expand on it more to include birth control when she get's interested in boys or get's a boy friend.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:28 PM on Oct. 7, 2008

  • This is 1 of those parental judgement calls. Bc all children mature @ different ages. I think that whenever u feel comfortable & thay they can understand, u should talk 2 them. Also, I would keep it short, simple & age appropriate. I tried talking 2 my 10 yr. old son last summer (when he was 9) & he wasn't ready bc he pretty much avoided what I was trying 2 say. Finally, u might try when they start asking deeper ?s more often & want more detailed answers.

    Answer by LovingParent08 at 5:47 PM on Oct. 7, 2008

  • My DD is 10y7m old. The ped asked me last year if I had had the talk with her yet. I said "No" because I hadn't and I still thought I had time as I didn't start until I was 13.5yo. Then in February, a few days before her 10th birthday, out of the blue she asks "Mommy, what's a period?" I was totally unprepared for this question so I said we'll talk soon. We did at Easter break. I let her read a book first called "God's Design for Sex" by Stan and Breanna Jones. Then we talked very basics. She is now prepared and I was able to tell the ped in April at her 10 yo well child check that we had had the talk. Really it's not too soon. She's starting to develop earlier than I did. So, we'll just wait and see.

    Answer by plclemo at 8:35 PM on Oct. 7, 2008

  • Hi Everyone -
    I am new to the group and just had to jump in here. This is a great topic that merits more attention. I believe we moms needs to step up and start talking to our daughters early. A little bit at a time so by the time they are 9 or 10 they know the basic facts. Being a pediatrician I help many parents start this topic and the main point that I try to bring across is not to wait until someone else does it for us.
    Don't be afraid - let's keep chatting here and I'll be glad to walk you all through what is age appropriate and how much info is correct for this age group. What are some specific questions that kids need to know!! YIKES, that is a lot for a first entry. Stay well, Chrystal

    Answer by chrysdef at 12:33 AM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • My daughter just turned 9 in August. She came to me about a month ago complaining of one breast hurting. And I could see it starting to grow, so I told her you are getting boobies. I immediatly called my sister. shes a nurse and ask her about it and she comfirmed this. I also went on an internet search. But I thought this was so early. And now the other one has caught up, its growing also. But wow I dont remember matureing so young. Has anyone else had their daughter do this?? I guess its time for me to talk to her about other things. I have talked to her about the period. And we have a dr. appt. tommorrow and I am gonna bring it up to her ped...

    Answer by kickersheart at 8:43 PM on Oct. 9, 2008

  • I would recommend reading the articles at There is a whole section devoted to Your Daughter's Period with lots of good advice about preparing your daughter for puberty and menstruation. There is also a great book called Let's Talk About S-E-X from Planned Parenthood.

    Answer by KathyatDotGirl at 11:21 PM on Oct. 14, 2008

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