Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

What happens when the intimacy is gone?

I know Sex plays an important role in a relationship but what happens when its just not there anymore? My husband and i have been married 6 years and have 2 kids together but i dont have that feeling anymore..like it doesnt bother me if we have sex or not..yes we have been having issues ...but i dont know what this means for me.....Im only 28 and i know its not normal..i want to and would never cheat ....but my feelings are just not there and im concerned? thanks in advance for the advice:)

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:13 PM on Aug. 16, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • I don't feel attracted to my DH either BUT we did have sex the other night and I felt better the next day.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:17 PM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • When the feelings fade. You work to get them back.

    Love is an action. It takes acting in love to feel in love. Sex is important to a relationship. But it is far more than just the physical act and release that makes it important. It helps to keep a couple connected and feeling those "feelings" of being in love. It's proven scientifically that the hormones/chemicals released during orgasm actually help/cause a woman to feel closer, more loving, more wanting..etc.. to her mate.

    If you aren't feeling the sex. Are you feeling other forms of intimacy? Do you like hugging, kissing, flirting, holding hands, etc? Are you actively doing these things in your relationship? If you are not, then try it. You may find your feelings changing.

    Also. If you and your husband have any unresolved issues/resentments in your relationship. That can cause you to get to the point that you don't care about intimacy as well.
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 4:19 PM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • IDK, DH and I don't have sex that often and we are going on 7years of marriage. Usually when you are having issues, you really don't get in the mood. There are several rough patches you will go through during your marriage and about the 7year mark is one of them. Try to go out on some dates. Get some alone time, that helped us.
    JGRIMMER

    Answer by JGRIMMER at 4:21 PM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • yes pixie trix thank you...i am an affectionate person and my DH is not at all. his means of being intimate is straight to the bed..and for me thats such a turn off and weve discussed that... hes not a snuggler, kisser barely even a hugger.....IM soo lost and yearn to be loved but just dont get it...thats why i feel i dont even want the sex bc thats all it is maybe not making love:(
    HOTMOMS23

    Answer by HOTMOMS23 at 4:23 PM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • You guys have discussed it, but in what manner? Do you guys have really good open, honest and safe sexual communication? Not just being able to say anything and share anything, but being able to listen and comprehend as well. Being able to communicate in the manner in which the other really comprehends and understands what the other is sharing.

    Sex itself is not what is solely important in a relationship. It's having a sex life that is: happy, healthy, MUTUALLY satisfying and fuliffing for BOTH of the people in the relationship. A couples sex life has to be good for both of them, or it's not a healthy sex life, not a happy sex life.

    Mutually understanding and accepting each others sexual needs and desires is very important. That takes talking, sharing and understanding one another's sexuality but also our own.

    Here's something I've learned over the years, not just through my own experiences but family/friends. Con
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 4:31 PM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • The majority of men do not instinctively or just automatically know how to please a woman sexual. They believe they do, and many women are taught that a man will just know how to please them in bed. But that's not true. Men and women have very different sexual make ups, from physical make up, to hormonal make up, to sexual response and orgasm. Most men have to be taught how to please a woman sexually. Most men, treat a woman sexually in the manner in which they enjoy sex, they think that if "X" gets me going, then it will get her going to. Many do not understand the complex differences in male/female sexual arousal and needs. They have to be taught by a woman..lol.. A man can get hard, start pumping, get off, and that's it and think it's good sex. Because they enjoyed it. They do not understand that a woman needs: emotional stimulation, mental stimulation and physical stimulation. That all of those work together.. Cont.
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 4:34 PM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • Since they do not respond or develop their sexual desire through that many complex steps. They just do not "Get it". They have to be taught, they have to be shown. Many need a woman to take them by the hand and show them how to get their juices flowing, and how to get them excited, and how to bring them to orgasm.

    A good friend told me a few decades ago this..." Great lovers are not born. They are taught. Some women, some where taught them how to please and pleasure a woman.."

    If you know what you want. You show him what you want. If you know what you need. Then you pursue it, you show him, you actively put into action the things you need for sex to be good for you.

    Women are just as responsible for their sexual needs and satisfaction as their partner is. A woman has to be able to know what she wants, and pursue what she wants. She must know her own sexuality, her own needs, and she must instigate those things.
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 4:37 PM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • There's a huge difference between intimacy and sex.
    aliceinalgonac

    Answer by aliceinalgonac at 4:41 PM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • Sometimes, we just get in a Little Funk- i hope this passes for you & everything works out!
    daisyb

    Answer by daisyb at 5:02 PM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • I'm kind of in the same place in my relationship. We've been married for almost 4 years and have 3 and a half year old twins. I know that the main issue with our intimacy is me. I'm just not feeling it...since having the girls I just have little to no sex drive. Plus he was deployed for a year and a half and I don't think we've ever gotten back to being us since he's returned. It's a strange transition, alone for so long then suddenly he is back and expecting things. But since I have no real drive I tend to push away from any touching, somehow I've managed to make myself think touch = sex. Which is of course stupid, I'm trying to make an effort to get back to the little touches we used to share. We used to be very into holding hands, and kissing whenever and hugging. I think if I can get back to the casual touches and cuddles then I can be more comfortable with the bigger intimacy.

    mrspierce06

    Answer by mrspierce06 at 5:10 PM on Aug. 16, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.