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4 Bumps

Are you surprised at how you did? Cafemom Thesis

For the last few days, I have posted various questions pertaining to domestic violence. All of the questions, which varied from "mild" to severe, have either came up in one of my classes or I have actually encountered during my volunteer or internship at local domestic violence shelters. Of course, all names were changed and I picked pieces from different stories to create a unique story. This is all for my thesis paper that I have been working on.

My question: are you surprised to find out that the more severe cases, were the ones that other moms did not believe? Or that nearly half of the answers from all of the questions were moms telling the "woman" that she is stupid for staying?

For those who were the non-believers, do you think you would have replied differently if you knew for a fact that the stories were true? Did you know that most women don't report abuse becuase they think no one will believe them?


Asked by BriHan06 at 6:27 PM on Aug. 16, 2010 in Politics & Current Events

Level 19 (7,166 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (28)
  • I guess the only thing that surprises me is that you were surprised. That has been the recurring theme of any questions that have ever come up here about abuse situations. Some people are more outspoken than others, one in particular comes to mind though I think his/her acct is long deleted.

    But that is something to keep in mind if this is really research for your thesis - all the data you've collected here is unverifiable. This is not a site of only women - it's a site of women and men/boys/girls who pretend to be women. You have no way to quantify which of your angry answers come from women, which from abusive husbands who have accts here to spy on their wives, and which are from 15 year old boys who are here to troll the sex questions.

    Answer by NotPanicking at 6:43 PM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • So...that was you. I actually started a support thread because I felt like there were so many people making excuses for their S/O's bad behavior, I wanted them to see them all together in one they could see abusers are all the same.

    And as far as being stupid for staying..there is NO legitimate reason for staying in an abusive relationship. None. I don't care what the reason is.

    And before somebody jumps all over me, I did JUST LEAVE. Yes, it was hard. There is no reason to let someone abuse you.

    Answer by lovinangels at 6:37 PM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • I'm not sure if I answered one of these questions, but I have found that domestic violence doesn't just fall on women. My husband was severely domestically abused by his ex wife. Sadly when he tried to leave or fight back, she would threaten him, and tell him that she would call the police on him. Although I don't know first hand about domestic violence, I know it's not just limited to women. There is a large gray area. Some women cry wolf to get the attention, some are actually being abused. Although, i would say my answers wouldn't change. I think women (or men) should know they have a way out if they are being abused by contacting their domestic violence shelter/ woman's shelter, or calling the police.

    Answer by gnovinger at 6:34 PM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • Just leaving is SOO hard and scary too! So many things to worry about, but not as bad as worrying when the next strike comes.

    Answer by silversmom at 6:40 PM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • There is no answer for the behavior men excuse them selves from

    Answer by coffeeyum at 6:34 PM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • you have to understand there have been scammers on this site, soliciting money and/or sympathy for a lie.
    I don't doubt what you say about why women don't seek help, but there's a difference between hearing something form your BF or sister, and reading a post from a stranger online.

    Answer by autodidact at 6:45 PM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • This isn't a surprise to any abused females, since..... we see so much so widespread. The shelters are so aware........of that. They are not blind. They are the most very understanding, compassionate, loving, and heartfelt people on this earth, they probably have the most intense, ...emotionally consuming type of humanities work ((with and included with some types of extreme healthcare)).

    Answer by coffeeyum at 6:48 PM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • They actually used those words. stupid ! for staying. . are you serious.

    Answer by coffeeyum at 6:31 PM on Aug. 16, 2010


    You can see the amount of women that made assumptions just as quickly that I've never been abused.

    Answer by lovinangels at 6:39 PM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • Yes women will leave in order to get away. It's got to be for the best answer in the total family including the way the children are taken in consideration, and not just for any one person's benefit. or to show off, which in some cases men are so into being controlling to show off in court they will put their own wife in prison, or lower her status by insuing the woman is insane, crazy, or just too glued in his e-g-o........ which does do no good to those children. once it gets to court levels and it is just a hit here, and not blood or broken bones, or even a dead woman, then the law doesn't care. GET IT> but they don't care if you don't get beat, with no marks, bruises, broken bones, and when that happens, they use THAT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! as proof, very very very stupid to stay indeed, but who cares when the law does nothing about things except for suing the woman for child support when she out --and-- outs.

    Answer by coffeeyum at 6:56 PM on Aug. 16, 2010