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MIL problem- please help!

DH has two sisters, a 19yo-Ellie and a 13yo-Mary. Ellie came to live with us for 6 months and it's now been 9 months. She's been living off our money and we've been begging her to get a job. MIL's opinion was that since we have money we shouldn't make Ellie get a job.

Anyway, she's had a job for the past month and a half and she's starting to be responsible.

Now MIL wants to send Mary for the school year. She says she has health issues and she can't handle the responsibility of a child right now. But DH and I don't believe that because she's been trying to get us to take the girls to our house for a year since 2004.

Now Mary is a very sweet and easy-going kid and DH and I wouldn't mind having her living with us, but MIL says she needs all her money for her health problems and she can't help us with Mary and Ellie.

What do we do? We would tell MIL we don't want to do that but Mary might think we don't want her..



Asked by pipermomofash at 8:32 PM on Aug. 16, 2010 in Relationships

Level 15 (1,915 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • i remember a previous post of yours - glad to hear the spoiled brat got a job! it sounds like your MIL wants to be done being a parent... those poor girls! IMO either you decide to take parental responsibility and make it legal - custody, rights, support and all - or tell MIL no. Sounds like she wants to take advantage of you in as many ways possible. It's one thing to take a legal adult in your house, but the other sis is a minor. If she is living with you full time you need to have the right to make decisions as a parent, register her for school, etc., etc. for your protection and hers. Is the MIL REALLY sick or... just lazy??

    Answer by figaro8895 at 8:37 PM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • If you take the 13 y/o go to court and get child support court ordered and taken out of her paycheck.

    Answer by matthewscandi at 8:35 PM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • My opinion is that in the end your mil's reasons don't really matter. Yeah it sucks that she doesn't seem to want her kids anymore or it sucks that she has health issues (if she really does), but in the end the kids are the ones who suffer. If you can take Mary and are willing to, do it. I would try to get legal guardianship so that you can make decisions about her healthcare, schooling, etc, and yes get financial support if you need to. It's not Mary's fault that her mom is being a douche, she deserves some stability in her life and you might be the ones who have to provide that for her. And kudos to you if you can/do.

    Answer by canadianmom1974 at 9:06 PM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • It sounds like she would be better off with you. Get some legal advice for some sort of support for her.


    Answer by mommom2000 at 8:54 PM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • i would say that i you should foster the kids and get money from the state, whether or not they take money from the mother is up to the state and not you then.

    Answer by angevil53 at 8:34 PM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • It's not the money that concerns me, I just believe she wants to get rid of her kids. Seriously, she acts like we're talking about dogs!!

    Comment by pipermomofash (original poster) at 8:37 PM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • Thanks figaro8895
    MIL's not sick. Even if she is, she's definitely not sick enough to be unable to take care of her daughter. HD's brother lives close to her and he knows she's fine.

    Comment by pipermomofash (original poster) at 8:39 PM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • they are her children and if she cant take them then you should go to court and make it leagal

    Answer by bzyblondmomof5 at 8:44 PM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • She chose to have the kids, they are her responsibility, not yours! If I was Mary, I would feel bad thinking my own mother didn't want me.

    Answer by JGRIMMER at 8:45 PM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • I agree, make it legal. It can't be good for the young woman and the child to be passed around. And making it legal would ensure some assistance with child support.

    Answer by Bmat at 8:58 PM on Aug. 16, 2010