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What things should I be doing if I'm preparing to leave my husband???

He's extremely verbally abusive, and I truly believe (through 3 years of research, not just a random accusation) that he is bipolar. He refuses to get help, won't go to couples therapy or even individual therapy, and he isn't changing-- no matter how many times he apologizes and says he will. I won't let my son (8 months old) grow up in this crazy, emotional rollercoaster type environment. He has never changed a diaper, fixed or fed a bottle, got up during the night... I bet he's held our son for a total of 18-20 hours in the past 8+ months. ((continued below))

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Asked by Anonymous at 3:50 PM on Oct. 7, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (16)
  • I don't mind him being in our son's life, but I want it to only be when I'm there. He could come visit him at our home anytime, but I DO NOT want him to ever be alone with him. What steps should I be taking now to be sure that I've covered all of my bases before leaving? I'm thinking about buying a "nanny cam" (hidden camera) so that I'll have proof of the crazy moodswings and verbal abuse. Any tips, please!?!

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:50 PM on Oct. 7, 2008

  • you need to check your laws on the hidden camera. some states will not allow you to use video tapes or recordings without the persons consent first. Other than that, you need to have your finances in order to take care of you and your son, make sure you have something in savings in case there is a divorce and you need money for lawyers, etc... make sure you clear up as much debt as possible so you arent hit with anything you cant handle.

    if you are ready to leave mentally, then its just physically doing it. good luck with whatever you decide!!

    Answer by fcangel9 at 3:59 PM on Oct. 7, 2008

  • my gosh i am in the exact situation. not that i can help you. but just letting you know my husband is so verbally abusive and i never thought he would be capable of doing this, but over six years he has become somewhat violent. he has extreme mood swings. (abruptly being pissed and yelling for some weird reason) all i can say to you is leave before it gets worse. of he doesn't get himself help with individual counseling he will only get worse. feel free to email me if you ever need to talk. i have never done any research on bipolar, i just always thought he was crazy.


    Answer by KristaRene at 4:05 PM on Oct. 7, 2008

  • May i ask what doe he say or do to you? Ive been told my hubby seems like he's mean to me but i guess im kinda blind to it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:13 PM on Oct. 7, 2008

  • i was married to a bi-polar person.he became verbally,mentally and some physical towards the end. he would be out all night and do and say the craziest things that you wouldn't believe. the first thing i did was i found a safe place i could go to and they new the situation. make sure your accounts and cards aren't shared.if so change it. if your afraid of harm get a restraining order. i got a divorce for around $300.00 by doing it myself threw the courthouse. call and ask about it or legal aid to help w the cost.most of all go somewhere that you feel safe at and that is on your can call womens shelters if u dont know anyone that can help. if you dont have a job apply for welfare and tell them u need help w moving, ect. anymore questions or just need support please write to me. i've been threw it.

    Answer by marykaysauer at 4:13 PM on Oct. 7, 2008

  • write down what he says and does. if possible have witnesses write things they have seen. this helped me with the custody and showed there was really a problem. if hes truelly bi-polar most like the way they feel and it wont change unless they stay on meds.

    Answer by marykaysauer at 4:17 PM on Oct. 7, 2008

  • Well first i'd say start hiding money somewhere he will ever have access to lets say 20 or 30 a day so it doesn't look to obvious. If you have joint credit cards that are not totally used put just your name on it. Figure out were your gonna go. Good luck!

    Answer by christian0425 at 4:38 PM on Oct. 7, 2008

  • Anonymous--- Ohh, where to even begin? The latest incident: we have 1 vehicle--his truck. We struggle financially, yet he constantly spends. So irrational... Anyway, I had went to my parents' house while he was asleep (he works nights sometimes, so he was asleep that day). He needed to leave for work at 5. My son and I got home at about 4:40 with some supper that my mom had cooked. I had called on my way home & told him that he should go ahead & get ready so that when I got there he would have time to eat. He was just getting dressed when I got here, so he didn't have time to eat before he left. ((continued below))

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:41 PM on Oct. 7, 2008

  • He took it with him. He called me "f*cking sorry, stupid, a whore, a lazy son of a b*tch", told me that he hates me, hates being married to me, and wishes I would just leave. I told him that if he would sign over his rights to our son, I'd be out before he got home from work. He said that I just want him for his money. He said this while I stay home with our son, with no vehicle, and don't complain. I take online classes to try to finish my degree. He blows our money like crazy!!! He was ranting and raving & cussing me while I was packing HIS lunchbox for him to take to work. I had our son on my hip. He snatched up the lunchbox and left without even speaking to our poor baby, who has done NOTHING to him.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:46 PM on Oct. 7, 2008

  • He hadn't seen him all day, and he couldn't even kiss him or tell him bye & he loved him? That's what really infuriates me... Say what you want to me, but please don't say it in front of our son, and don't ignore him because you're mad at me or the world or whatever. He called 30 minutes later & said "don't you feel bad? don't you feel bad for not being home when I woke up?" I told him that I didn't want to argue with him and that I was feeding the baby his supper, so unless he wanted to talk rationally, I was hanging up. I did just that. He text messaged me later & said "I'm sorry. I'm crazy." I didn't respond. Duh, moron, I KNOW you're crazy!!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:46 PM on Oct. 7, 2008

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