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2 Bumps

need to vent about brother in law and mother in law

my mil tells me that we, my dh & i, her, & my other bil, need to help 1 bil. which we would do but when he came 2 us saying he had no food 4 my nephew & niece, i offered 2 buy him food & he said, no, id rather take the cash. then he calls my mil & tells her that he has no money 2 buy my nephew school clothes & then we found out that he is missing 3 days of work & paying 300 dollars 2 stay in a hotel. he works with my husband & told everyone at work that his family treats him like trash. but dh, me, their mom, & other bil gave him money & things all winter, how is that treating him like trash! he has more money in bank then we do & still mil thinks we should help him. he makes 15 dollars an hr. he used to come here & just let his kids run wild, when i told my mil that she said, well he just needs to be able to relax when hes at ur house. what! hes still responable 4 them no matter where he is! i am for my kids wherever i am!

Answer Question
 
jamiethornton26

Asked by jamiethornton26 at 9:31 PM on Aug. 16, 2010 in Relationships

Level 11 (536 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • that was the stupidest thing my mil has ever said! its ok 4 him to let his kids act crazy at my house cuz he need sto relax! ah no, he needs to get them uncontrol! my mil just cant seem to get it that he is using her! what do you guys think
    jamiethornton26

    Comment by jamiethornton26 (original poster) at 9:33 PM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • So we know who MILs favorite is
    dancinintherain

    Answer by dancinintherain at 9:34 PM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • right! i dont get how she can say its ok for his kids to be crazy at my house, why he doesnt have to take care of them. and why she thinks we all have to help him out all the time
    jamiethornton26

    Comment by jamiethornton26 (original poster) at 9:36 PM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • i'm at a lost. i'm gunna try to bump ya. the last time it didn't work.
    noel1978

    Answer by noel1978 at 9:38 PM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • She's being ridiculous. I wouldn't help him out with food or cash any more till he shows how to use either and until he shows appreciation. And if you have to set that MIL of yours straight, do it. Don't be sorry about it. She's nuts.
    jeanclaudia

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 9:45 PM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • what does your DH have to say about all this? because honestly, without his support you are fighting a losing battle. If you have his support, discuss how much you want these leeches(yep mil is one too) in your life. if its causing you so much anxiety, limit the time you spend with them and ON them. lifes too short to haggle over who does the most for whop or who has wild kids at whose house, right? It sounds like no matter what you do, you will never be in everyones good graces...so live your life and let them be petty. Besides YOU know how you helped him, and you know what good you have done. and we do good because its the right thing, not to have anyone reward us...that being said, sorry its such a pain in the butt for you. good luck!
    Bearsjen

    Answer by Bearsjen at 9:45 PM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • im really trying to ignore him but it pisses me off when i hear about how he keeps getting everyone to pay things for him! i get pissed cuz i know he is using my mil and i really do care about what happens to her. i just dont understand why no one calls him out on it. well, actuallymy husband just did today and the other day
    jamiethornton26

    Comment by jamiethornton26 (original poster) at 9:50 PM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • Okay the plain and simple just say no and tell MIL it is not that you do not want to help its just that he is not appreciative. Its hard to give to people like that my brother is like that we had to start saying no to going to family events so we would not have to see it anymore.
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 9:57 PM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • Sounds like your BIL needs to grow up some. Okay maybe alot. I have a brother & a Sil like that. It drives me insane. Lucky for me though my husband is an only child. =) You shouldn't have to help him. If he can't go to work but still spend money like water, & not on his kids, then thats on him. If you've helped & helped & helped theres nothing more you can do. You've tried being nice, you've tried to be a good SIL. Enough is enough. Put your foot down. You shouldn't have to take care of his family, when you've got your own to take care of.
    lilmoosesmom

    Answer by lilmoosesmom at 10:20 PM on Aug. 16, 2010

  • your MIL needs to wake the hell up. he's a loser/user. all you all are doing is enabling. next time don't give him a choice - food or nothing. he needs to learn to stand on his own two feet or let his children go to a stable home. you all are not responsible for taking care of him he is an adult and a parent. stop it! he will either sink or swim... be ready to pick up the pieces for the kids, but frankly they are not any better off in the situation that is happening now than if he sinks.
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 10:45 PM on Aug. 16, 2010

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