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2 Bumps

Does this sound like mental abuse?

Everytime a husband and wife get into an argument, he starts talking about all the things she does around the house and how it's not good enough. She counters with how he'll throw his actual TRASH on the floor, how she's not his maid and that he should clean it up himself. He says she should have too because she spends his money on stuff for herself (but he also spends money on stuff for himself and she buys the kids stuff too so it's not like she's just spending it all on herself all the time). He then starts taking their stuff away (the internet modem, computer, cell phone) because "he paid for it" and it's not her anyway. And then tells her that if she would ever left, she'd have nothing. And she says that she feels helpless and he says good, that she SHOULD feel helpless because she is. Then she cries and he storms off annoyed.
And they go through a variation of that everytime they fight. Does it sound like mental abuse?

Answer Question
 
Blubuni99

Asked by Blubuni99 at 1:56 AM on Aug. 17, 2010 in Relationships

Level 16 (2,562 Credits)
Answers (16)
  • Well, they are BOTH guilty is seems. Men always throw that in the woman's face (I pay the bills, blah,blah,blah). The women DOES HER SHARE by caring for the kids, cleaning, cooking, etc.

    They should see a counselor. Or, the wife get a job and let the man stay home so he can do a better job than her. LOL!
    AdrianaS

    Answer by AdrianaS at 1:59 AM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • yeah, and she does have something, she and the kids can leave, welfare has a local number for a crisis center. not sure of where they live, but she can leave him and from the sounds of it she needs to. this is more harmful to the kids than they relieze. if she don't think of herself, think of the kids, they need to get out.
    noel1978

    Answer by noel1978 at 2:00 AM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • YES! it is abuse...they are married...there is no "my stuff-your stuff" my ex husband used to pull this crap on me, he took the phone and hid it in his truck, I went and broke into his truck and put it back on the wall. He got worse and worse.
    The man that acts like that has to be in control and is power hungry/arrogant and a fool.
    wheresthewayout

    Answer by wheresthewayout at 2:01 AM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • In a way yes I mean I have heard many variations of it in my time but that does sound like it to an extent and that is a relationship she needs to get out of
    jgwilliams

    Answer by jgwilliams at 2:01 AM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • Yeah and not saying it's okay but it could be much worse.
    jessicarae787

    Answer by jessicarae787 at 2:08 AM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • Yes it does. My ex did that and guess what last week i was granted restraining order/sole custody for 5 yrs and i dont work. i told the courts everything he did to me but this was after the fact he spat in my face..and got arrested..
    youngmm

    Answer by youngmm at 2:17 AM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • Sound mental too me
    mamaofficer

    Answer by mamaofficer at 2:21 AM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • Mental abuse and controlling. The SAHM bit only works if it is working. It does not sound like this is working. He resents her and seems to WANT her to feel helpless by controlling the money. IMO, the woman in this senario needs to get a part-time job for one.

    Also the threat that he would leave her with nothing should be taken VERY SERIOUSLY. If she uses a debit card for purchases, I strongly suggest that you start to smuggle money. Anytime she makes a standard purchase (groceries, Target) add $5 - $20 as cash back. Open a savings account in just her name and DO NOT TELL HIM ABOUT IT. Just put the $ in there and forget about it. If she ever needs it, it will be there. If he grows up, she can tell him she was saving for a car or home remodel and surprise him with the amount.
    Niki_sd

    Answer by Niki_sd at 4:21 AM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • This is pretty damn degrading to have someone throw trash on the floor and say that you DESERVE to pick it up.

    Also, a man does not take things away from his wife. You are NOT a child and this is completely unacceptable for a husband/wife partnership.

    He seems to think he is superior and needs to be brought down to realilty. I would seriously be considering a separation if this was regular behavior. If he thinks he is so great...he can live in his trash and spend his $$$.
    Niki_sd

    Answer by Niki_sd at 4:26 AM on Aug. 17, 2010

  • My d/h does this and ever since I've known him. Never did a dish. never. until I'd left. Never did clothes. Until I'd left. Always left trash everyplace. Clothes everyplace. Like a child. Teaches our children to do it too. Allows my son to just pile up garbage in his room, cans, bottles, dishes, garbage, paper, and never deals with a consequence. Just says,.....he'll learn. Never.....sets a consequence. And than father dear says that if I , ''the wife'', don't like this I can get the f**** out !!! Every Day.. yes ........every day.....
    I don't see this as normal. I don't see this as right. I don't see this as a good standard code of a good -normal - loving- caring family. No matter how much sex a woman gives a simple minded male, this should not happen. He uses sex as a way to call me wife. Nothing else. No compliments. No money. No you do a lot of good around here. Never . Unless their is sex. And it's
    coffeeyum

    Answer by coffeeyum at 7:17 AM on Aug. 17, 2010

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